Disclaimer: This is a parody of White American racist thinking.
Are you racist? Take the test!
- Do you use the N-word?
- Do you hate people of other races?
- Do you have false beliefs about other races?
- Do you belong to the Klan or other racist organization (the Republican Party does not count)?
Scoring: 1 point for each “yes” answer.
Results:
- 0 points: You do not have a racist bone in your body! Congratulations!
- 1 to 4 points: Every bone in your body is racist.
But wait, if you are racist, there is hope!
Follow these seven easy steps:
- Stop having false beliefs about other races. Only believe things that you believe are true! If you are not sure if something is true, use Google to find a statistic or scientific study that supports what you want to believe. Confirmation bias – it works!
- Tip: If most White people believe something, then it has to be true. They have never been wrong about anything.
- Remember: White is right!
- Make excuses for using the N-word. Black people use it all the time, especially rap guys and Black comedians. It sounds completely the same coming from White people.
- Watch Fox News. They are masters of being racist without seeming racist. CNN is almost as good – well, maybe better because fewer people think they are racist. If you are into US history or biography, read about Richard Nixon and George Wallace: Wallace, who lacked subtlety, did it wrong; Nixon did it right – and became president! Nixon’s media adviser later founded Fox News.
- Remember: What counts is not whether you are racist, but whether you seem racist. Just ask Don Sterling.
- Drink Diet Haterade. Instead of hating other races, pity them or look down on them. That is what upper-middle-class White people do. Practise talking down to them. You still get to feel superior to other races but without seeming to be racist.
- Practise moral relativism. Compare yourself to someone more racist. There is always someone. Like your grandmother. Or the Klan. Or White people in the South. Or White people in the 1950s. Racism is not a matter of degree – it is all or nothing. So if you are not as bad as a known racist, you cannot be racist.
- Tip: If most White people say or do or say something, it cannot be racist.
- Remember: Only the most extreme racists are racist.
- Start all racist statements with “I’m not racist, but…” That makes it not racist! It is, like, a rule.
- Befriend someone of another race. One is enough. It is like a magic cure for racism. Marrying someone of another race is even better: it will make it impossible for you to ever be racist!
If people of other races still think you are racist, then they are oversensitive or have a chip on their shoulder. What else could it be? Make it all about your feelings while dismissing theirs. How dare they think you are a racist jerk!
– Abagond, 2014.
See also:
- The non-parody version:
- Applicable tropes:
- Don Sterling
- Fox News
- What the racism of most living White Americans is like:
Do you have false beliefs about other races?
How would one know if their perception of reality is different? So, in their eyes those beliefs are not false?
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There is no need for the majority, if not all the white people on this blog, to even attempt to take this test, being they exhibit racist behavior on a constant basis.
Even if they do take the test, none will answer honestly, just as they do
, when charged with an accusation of racism, when called on it from a person of color.
Remember, they must maintain the white code of conduct and never admit to being a racist, even when white people are caught, dead to rights, like Donald Sterling was!
If Donald sterling isn’t racist, NO WHITE PERSON IS! ( This is exactly what the majority of white people, actually think and try to push, regardless of what racist things, a white person says. )
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hahahahahah
I can’t stop laughing at the Sammy Davis Jnr picture!
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I remember when I saw the tape of Nixon’s quote
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nice post. few points:
1 Stop having false beliefs about other races.
i agree. not all black people are criminals, just like all white people are not racist and not all jews are financial criminals.
2 Make excuses for using the N-word.
black people should stop using to n-word as well though, i don’t care if it’s “nigga” in a casual manner. the n-word is the n-word. the thing is, i notice only lower class ghetto rap blacks say nigga and i’m sure most other black people condemn the use of this word., which is a good thing but they could be more vocal about it. no one should say nigger or nigga, period.
3 Watch Fox News.
no-brainer, fox news, msnbc, really cable news channels in general are all dying out anyways, their numbers are literally plummeting. i can’t understand why people spend their time on that crap to begin with.
4 Drink Diet Haterade
lol this reminds me of this one article i read from a black person, saying that white people who adopt african or african-american babies are doing it to feel superior. un-be-lievable.
5 Practise moral relativism
i’m pretty sure every single person on the planet is racist to some degree, even people in interracial relationships. science has also shown this. racism is relative and some are more frank about it than others and express it in extreme ways (supremacists, extremists, etc.). the human is a tribal animal, always has been and will be, and subconsciously doesn’t we like people of a different race or religion or ethnicity or class. it’s not something you can ever eliminate, however we deal with it in everyday civil society by simply living with each other instead of fighting against each other.
6 Start all racist statements with “I’m not racist, but…”
yeah no one really takes this seriously anyways.
7 Make a Black friend
same as 6, i agree and no one really takes this seriously anymore anyways.
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Whatever. They’re all racist (or racist suspects) as far as I’m concerned. Recent events and popular websites (reddit specifically) prove me correct.
And if any white person is mad at what I’m saying, I dare you to prove me wrong. Go ahead and compile your “crime statistics”, you liars.
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@Average Bee it’s not a secret that everyone is racist. hell i’ve read the author of this blog admits to being moderately subconsciously racist to white people and i seriously applaud him for admitting it, i’m actually not joking. i too admit that even though i’m white i hate black white asian mixed but maybe i’m just a borderline misanthrope but i do hang out with people of all races. the things is consciously and publicly and hell even privately in our own homes we don’t express racism because it’s not all that is on our minds (with the exception of most right wingers, supremacists, nationalists, and other such extremists) and in everyday life we have to get along in a public and professional manner. racism always there subconsciously it’s just not the biggest problem in the world.
i truly believe that the sooner we make that paradigm shift, the sooner we all openly admit we’re all racist, the better. so many problems would be solved and so much tension would just disappear. we can still work together and even be in a interracial relationship together, but there would be no more sneaky hidden racism.
or maybe i think too radically?
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@Bulanik
😛
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#5 is our old friend Thief-thief!
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[…] See on abagond.wordpress.com […]
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[…] Disclaimer: This is a parody of White American racist thinking.Are you racist? Take the test! […]
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[…] Disclaimer: This is a parody of White American racist thinking.Are you racist? Take the test! […]
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ROTFLMAO. This is funny.
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Lol. Brilliant. I have to say, I still don’t agree with all your posts but this one is near perfect.
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i do still violate #1 occassionally but its less now im out of the hood, it was a part of my active vocabulary for some time.
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So, I take it Nixon was a racist? Or did I miss the point?
On a slightly different note, i heard water is wet.
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White people ain’t raciss, just misunderstood! By the way, I hate everyone! What does that make me besides an ahole! A misogynist, that’s what!
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black people taught me how, when, where, to whom, and how loud to say that word.
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V8,
“black people taught me how, when, where, to whom, and how loud to say that word.”
Please elaborate. The black rules you learned must’ve been very different from the one rule my parents taught me about the word. I imagine those black people taught you the white rules.
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yep well black people are now teaching me why not
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Well just stamp my racist card and hand it over because I believe things about white people that are true…like the .intellectual dishonesty of white supremacy. when it suits them, You see, the overt bigots don’t bother me as much as the so called white liberals who hide behind white privilege while feeling good and marchin’ down the streets with people of color. As long as marching is all that gets done. And the kicker is these folks are making policy decisions…and they always have!!But white supremacy is more than policy decisions isn’t it? It’s a way of thinking ,believing and behaving supported by propaganda. It is vicious self perpetuating cycle that has even become a part of the psyches of those undone by it. So due to my many negative interactions with whites I sometime need to ask am I now a racist against them? I try to see the good in everyone. I always have taken that attitude but I notice recently that I have become extremely distrustful of white people. I keep my interactions with them limited and very very superficial. I have to admit I tend to be more open with minority people. I never used to be like this. Have I become a racist? Just a thought
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there is rules to it i guess its american slang… tbc
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@Jacque you are racist and there is nothing wrong with it. i truly believe everone is racist. i admit i’m racist too. i don’t consciously hate non-white people, i guess i’m subconsciously racist, but still racist. i believe everyone is. so you’re black i’m white, doesn’t matter to me, i’ll still talk to you and hug you and help you out and save you from drowning if i ever met you. hell i’d even enter a relationship with a fine black woman and have children with her, if i ever met her. but just the knowledge of knowing that you are racist and that you know that i am racist – it’s so liberating it can’t even be described. we are open with each other, we don’t lie to each other and to ourselves anymore.
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“hell i’ve read the author of this blog admits to being moderately subconsciously racist [….] ”
_ _ _
Hmm. Is it actually even possible that a person can be aware that he is unconsciously (or, according to your phrasing, “subconsciously”) racist?
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Herneith, I know you meant to refer to yourself as a “misanthrope” rather than a “misogynist”, but I myself don’t believe you are either of those! 😉
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@jacque, you are not racist. What you are is jaded by bad experiences. Those two are not the same. I see what you are trying to do and you missed the target.
@germanmoviesenglishsubs, “stop trying to make fetch happen”. The post is meant as a parody.
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@ Pay It Forward
Yes, because there is a test for it:
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@ Gio
People only believe what they think is true. That is what “believe” means. Yet some people, with a straight face, will tell me they are not racist because their racist beliefs are true. They see racism as having FALSE beliefs about other races.
That is a terrible definition since no one knowingly has false beliefs! It allows them to condemn others for racism simply for disagreeing with them while never having to condemn themselves.
On the other hand, any honest person is going to suppose they PROBABLY have false beliefs about other races – simply because false beliefs are part of the human condition: we cannot KNOW everything with certainty. But even if you look at it that way, the definition is still not useful since it would make everyone racist for reasons that have to do with the nature of belief, not with their specific beliefs about race.
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@ George Ryder
The test is wrong in two ways: it assumes that only extreme racists are racist and that racism, like death or virginity, is an all or nothing thing. It is an axe-murderer definition of racism in a world where most racism is like lead poisoning or toxic waste.
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@Anne
What target? There is no target. I was just wondering aloud about how I have become sensitized to a group of people that I have a hard time avoiding. I have always had an interest in other people…you know those who don’t look me who have had other experiences…that is very attractive to me……The variety of the human existence is beautiful……but white people of the United States/Australia/Britain seem to have the same racial meme playing in their heads when I meet them. One so called friend ( white male in his 60’s) even diagnosed the problem saying to me “You’re not what people expect.” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!!!
No, (hopefully) I am not a racist towards whites……. but just more careful. There are billions of more people on the planet to embrace and learn from.
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Richard Nixon may have been a racist, but he was not a crook. (I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.)
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@ Anne
Thank you. II’ll take “jaded” over “racist” anyday
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Does that really demonstrate anything? For example, when I first took it, I got slight automatic preference for blacks. Does it really signify anything? Maybe I don’t like either one, so it only shows which one I have slightly less negative opinions or beliefs about.
What about racial beliefs about images other than white or black American?
I have limited confidence in it telling us whether we racist or not.
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@at herneith misogynist? idk about that, but isn’t it misanthrope when you hate everyone?
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@ v8, misanthropy is hating everyone.
(As for misogyny, I’ll say no more..)
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Woo Hoo! man this thread is cookin’ with Crisco! @ : o D ) >
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Herneith, I know you meant to refer to yourself as a “misanthrope” rather than a “misogynist”, but I myself don’t believe you are either of those!
Folks, don’t type an laugh at the same time, you mess up your words. Anywho, I am a misogynist as I believe that men should be subjugated and confined to mancubinage! They are their for our pleasure girls! As for being a raciss, everyone needs a hobby, being an active raciss is mine! Being hate filled whether knowingly or not is fun! I got nothing better to do with my time! I have to go, my mother is calling me up from the basement!
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there is rules to it. after having been called the n word so many times with no degree of animosity to it, and at other times with a large degree of animosity to it, i have to say it basically can be replaced with ‘dude’ in many cases, but not all, as in an adult male of the hood. i have used it in anger, breaking up with miss yvonne as she was pouring cooking oil on me (at least it wasn’t hot), and spitting on me as she was throwing my things in the street and at least another fist fight
i been tellin on myself now here for what, 3 years? why stop now?
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v8,
“but isn’t it misanthrope when you hate everyone?”
misanthropy is hating human kind or human nature, not hating every race or individual for racist reasons.
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v8, as long as you know its wrong even if your ex was throwing cooking oil on you, to call her the n word…i mean if you can look back and admit that was wrong , and that is why you are sharing that in here…
as far as im concerned, no white man has a real reason to use it, based on our history with the word and what it represents…Im not sure i can even accept easily a white movie director using it to even show how white people talk..if they dont show there are consequenses for that..or how wrong it is..Copala used it too much in Cotton Club, even if he was trying to show how ugly it was…at least , his personal use of it makes me uncomfortable…
that is just my opinion…not trying to vamp on you, v8 , if your intention was just sharing it with us, thanks for sharing
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Great post, Abagond. I learned a lot about Nixon in a short amount of time.
…and LOL @ Brothawolf
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Sondis said:
?
What does this mean?
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@Jacque: I like your comments.
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@Bulanik: Crisco, like Crisco oil. It’s hot and frying. I don’t want to put words in Sondis’s mouth, but i think that’s what he means.
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Okay. So everyone is somewhere on the racist continuum. Some commenters here are suggesting the divisions are wide enough that a separation of the races is a good idea. The Nation of Islam is all for that.
Where would a separation like that lead?
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V8, I understand where you are coming from because where you live, I guess you are officially a “wigger” but you need to rise above it and stop messing with hoodrats… there doesn’t seem to be any elevating on either side.
this is the same situation that Richie Incognito found himself in, where he was considered an “honorary” black man in the football world but when he was put on display for everyone else to see and hear, the rest of black America could not give him a pass… V8, you know better
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“So due to my many negative interactions with whites I sometime need to ask am I now a racist against them?”
imo if u have bad experiences with someone or something u will avoid it and put a wall up as not to get hurt again it is human nature to avoid pain, disappointment, and hurt. The difference between a hurt person and a racist person is a hurt person will have a wall up and expect the worst from people that look like the person that hurt them, but if someone is persistent and gains their trust their wall and prejudices will come down. A racist person will see plenty of examples of good people of a different race or a different culture yet will dismiss it.
a hurt person can feel empathy for others even if they look like the person that hurt them, a racist will feel nothing for others that don’t look like them.
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@ Linda: Well said Miss Linda.
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@ V8driver: I concur with Linda, V8 do better my friend.
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“Mary Burrell
@Bulanik: Crisco, like Crisco oil. It’s hot and frying. I don’t want to put words in Sondis’s mouth, but i think that’s what he means.”
Thanks for clarifying, Mary. ^_^
Sorry for being so cryptic, Bulanik. @ : o O ) >
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Here is an excellent video that those who really want to understand bigotry and power structure- (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6MYHBrJIIFU)
The most interesting comment comes from the mixed-race man (black/white) who does not go to his daughter’s school because he does not want it to affect how she is treated if people see that she has a black father. So sad, so very sad.
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@mstoogood4yall
Great explanation!
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Hoodrats? finnish kids have a band called hoodrats (in finnish Lähiörotat).
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsVnExzvsLg)
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miss yvonne threatened me with a knife, butcher, large about 5 times, sprayed roach spray in my face, hit and choked me, and picked up a two year old child and held him as a human shield/hostage while wielding the same knife while i was standing unarmed with no threat and witnesses, broke my car window, threw out all my stuff, stole my stuff, had constant sex with drug dealers for crack and guess what it wasnt fun
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again, i dont live in the hood now and i have a nice girlfriend she goes to church and all
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just covering all the bases here
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ohh look at that its excuses too! wow see i did it
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it was some work to talk to the muslim dudes down in the hood they never disrespected my beard! it was rockin
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V8, you know in the light of this Clippers owner, and his bs, after hearing what you said , you leave me no choice but to give people examples of interracial relationships with white people that dont deteriorate into calling black people the n word when things get really bad…
I apreciate you sharing your personal experiances in the “hood” , and I dont think you mean any harm, but, Ive been as deep in the hood as you, if not deeper , and my experiances in the hood are a lot differant than yours
Your admitted struggle with drugs and alcohol , shaped the kind of people you hooked up with, therefor , your testimonies involve disfunctional situations that only pile firewood on to stereotypes of what racists want to depict black neighborhoods as…
I lived in or on the cusp of several huge black neighborhoods, and my work has taken me into the major black neighborhoods in New York , Chicago and Los Angeles, and especialy under the tutaledge of older musicians in Chicago, I would be rehearsing in various south side deep black neighborhoods in my younger years, on a regular basis…
Where violence was a very real element lurking in the background , I had to duck bullets , from being shot by a gang who thought we were a rival gang, only to have the real gang come shooting at them from the side, I heard a person mugged right outside my basement window apartment,pretty startaling, most of the people in the black neighborhoods I dealt with were just regular people, that ran the gamet of all kinds of people in any neighborhood. And the black American musicians I was lucky enough to be around, were the highest leval people , the wisest people I have ever been around, the deepest people I have ever been around, who I learned so much about music and life…all this deep in the hood
This notion today that the hood is full of loud violent people is counter to my experiances, and v 8 , ive been shot through the grease by women also, some violent and alcohol ridden and calling them the n word was never an optiion,I learned this lesson in the seventh grade and have never forgotten it
If black people called you that , it was a sign of acceptance, or the desire to validate their use of the word , but it doesnt mean you have to use it, and as I said , based on the history of white people and this word , it should never come out of a white persons lips
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@ mstoogood 😀
How nice to see your name and comments again!
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@ Mary
@ Sondis
Thank you for explaining.
I know that my questions might sound not too bright and not that slick (lol).
But whenever I don’t know something, I’ve always preferred to ask rather than assume.
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an interesting post ,not in its overt message ,which is far too sarcastic to be taken seriously as a remedy,
No its the Info about nixon and the drug war in relation to (here’s one for the category since race is a social construct ) meleniniated epidermis people forcibly migrated from the contenient of africa – M.E.F.M.C.A’s
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miss yvonne threatened me with a knife, butcher, large about 5 times, sprayed roach spray in my face, hit and choked me, and picked up a two year old child and held him as a human shield/hostage while wielding the same knife while i was standing unarmed with no threat and witnesses, broke my car window, threw out all my stuff, stole my stuff, had constant sex with drug dealers for crack and guess what it wasnt fun
Are you for real?
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V8: I well it’s my hope that you and Ms Yvonne have parted ways, this doesn’t sound healthy.
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oh hi bulanik, nice to see u too.
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@herneith yes and all in a 6 month period.
@miss mary b. i parted ways with her around 15 dec 13
@linda i know it’s rough and crude and very distasteful what all i am saying and there is a article in there somewhere, but idk i’m so tired right now i can’t think of anything relevant to say … tbc
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i am pretty sure i am past ‘wigger;’ however.
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know what, i appreciate you all have the self-respect to yourselves to not accept the n word and counsel me respectfully but it been prolly 25 years since i been almost 2 months off the cocaine, i am doin ok i hope yous are too…
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V8 , Im not about counceling you , Id like to give you the benafit of doubt , that you can look back a d say its wrong for you to use the n word in any way…
You are telling your story right here , and 25 years of cocaine abuse is part of that story and a rational
But, your testimonies reinforce two stereotypes , loud violent black women and your depiction of the hood …Im sure your depictions are real for you, after all , you immersed your self in the drug world , which isnt unique to black neighborhoods . Two of my brothers married white junkies and the same disfunctional crap goes on …the same clichês of alcohol abuse cross all color and ethnic lines, also
But in that context , is it any wonder your life experiances were loaded with drama and debilitating experiances ?
But Im concerned with the impresions you are leaving with other people on here , who havent been in the hood…who read your experiances and think this is what the hood is about , and that black women in the hood are loud and violent….and I dont see you trying to balance that out
Any northeast big city urban neighborhood can have violence and drug culture lurking…ive seen this across the board
After your descriptions , its important to know that black neighborhoods also are fontes of incredible culture, the foundations of our culture come from black neighborhoods…if you gravitate towards drug culture, that is the kind of individuals you will find, if you gravitate towards music culture, art and expresion, the kind of people you find in black neighborhoods are of the highest order…its about individuals who make up the community..and it runs the gamet
I give you the benafit of the doubt, v8 , but your descriptions of disfunctional relationships, loud , violent black woman , and prison life mentalities is only a smorgasborg for aryan nationalist types to chew over , seen through a drug haze…people need to hear other sides….the life and soul you find in black neighborhoods, the grace under unbeleivable preasure and racist obstacles …the sence of humor and savy , and down to earth wiseness and the individuals who drove our culture forward, five steps ahead of white culture
Of black women in the ghetto , who are refined , sophisticated , and artístic, cultured , non violent , and arnt posing….or black women struggling against all odds of oppresive racism , to raise children in ghettos created by white racism in the first place , with good solid values
Otherwise, some people are going to start beleiving your personal experiances, which I dont doubt in any way , are the whole picture of the hood….now Im sure you dont want that to be happening , right , v8?
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And , unfortunatly , you put another log on the fire that white men in interracial relationships with black women , when it gets down to the nitty gritty , will get down and chew on the n word when the crap hits the fan…
For sure , you leave me no choice but to speak up and say this absolutly isnt true in my case….it just gives amunition to people who think this is what happens in all interracial relationships with white people, they all revert to racism when things dont go right….again, that might not even have been what you were thinking…maybe you just felt you were accepted, and it was ok…but , surly , now , with a little reflection, you know its not ok
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yeah i know br its my story and noone tells me i should be proud of it ok?
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V8 , im absolutly not trying to make you feel guilty or not proud…I just feel obligated to lay down a counter narrative , just to show there is balance and a bigger picture of the “hood”, and differant kinds of interracial relationships between white men and black women..
I wouldnt say anything if this Clippers owner thing wasnt in the news and you were open enough to share that you used the n word in moments of mutual acceptance and at the same time in times of conflict with your ex..again im not judging you, just at least stating its not just one way , and laying a counter narrative
and saying i dont think the n word should come out of a white persons lips is my opinion…a long time ago, i realised im not going to discipline every white person i hear saying the word…i just distance my self from them
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@br everyone counsels me here whether they want to or not
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V8,
I’m glad you are with a church-going woman but is that enough to keep you out of trouble? do you find yourself more attracted to the Ms. Yvonne’s of the world? I did not mean to come off like I was counseling you and you didn’t shock me because I’m used to the things that come out your mouth…
I just thought that your relationship was “unhealthy” because it brought both of you down to the lowest denomination.
Also, I was not trying to make a joke about your situation by calling you a “wigger” because I know you are not just parodying black people…for all intents and purpose, you are a product of your environment and that environment is predominantly poor black working class — but for you, that is still a choice
but as BR said, dysfunction is found in white ghettos and amongst all ethnicities, so the real problem is the people you are with (hence me saying you need to rise above the people who pull you back down)…. I hope you can stick with your sobriety– Good Luck.
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ok linda im not comin here to be a jerk
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im homeless now in ga got a dui last night too i cant move up north again tikki was drinking so much im a heavily advanced alcoholic
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blew a .09 but one single beer takes me there one blast sets me off g2g ttys
now ni beer ever it has to happen
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just to cap this one off sw philly down around 60th and chester, is a small, geographically contained entity. it’s quite unique. out of the 60-70 people i knew there, maybe 2 had a job? the abandoned houses were approximately the same numerically speaking as occupied ones. everyone got a check and/or hustled, and that is no exaggeration
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this is not to say there weren’t maybe 5 or 6 people on that first trolley going towards downtown for work. but….
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@V8
Seems like you need to pick better neighborhoods to live in. Not all “hood” neighborhoods are like you describe. What it seems like is that you are picking the “little Hampsterdams,” that is, the worst of the worst “hoods” to live in. Not all people who live in these areas are on government assistance or “hustling.” Many people have a job, or two for that matter.They may not make loads of money, but they DO work, and yes, they may have a side hustle going, or two, or three to make ends meet. Side hustles are legal ways to make supplemental income. The way that you mentioned it makes it seem seedy, and it is not. As a matter-of-fact, most things that you mentioned are typical junkie behavior and it seems like you were, hopefully were since you are with a “church-going” woman now, attracted to low-life people. Perhaps an introspective look at your life and life choices is in order. For me, I detest drama, crime, and histrionics, so I **avoid** the people who bring it. I prefer quiet/peaceful/decent people, so I seek out those people. Perhaps part of you needs this drama. Scientist say we create for ourselves the environment in which we were raised, not knowing anything about your upbringing, might that be what you are trying to recreate?
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well the latest misadventure romantically speaking was tikki and she turned into a completely unreasonable roughneck too, complete withe drnking a case of beer a day, you right i need to find miss right, not miss right now. regarding sw phl, i had just gotten out of the homeless shelter and was making steps to improve but didnt choose to associate with temporate or moderate ppl… i contributed to the disfunction no doubt about that
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@rpl interesting tangent on recreating old home life, my dad drank more than anyone ive met excepting perhaps one exgf, and he and me mom screamed at each other constantly throughout high school, never heard that one before, thanks. it would stand to reason experientally from my perspective
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I am proud to be a racist, at least I ain’t no nigger!
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