Disclaimer: This is half parody, half serious. It started out as parody but then I got in to it.
During White History Month we learn about famous European Americans! Because that is all White History is – learning sanitized accounts of Good White People that Black people approve of. They do not even have to be important in White History or placed in history at all. In fact, some of the best European Americans to learn about are those who can easily be understood apart from history – like sports heroes, explorers, inventors, artists, writers and musicians.
Suggested (sanitize as needed):
Thaddeus Stevens (1792–1868) – Congressman who pushed for emancipation, reparations and equal rights. Helped to get the Thirteenth and Fourteenth Amendments passed, freeing slaves and providing for equal protection under the law.
Gerrit Smith (1797-1874) – abolitionist, who Frederick Douglass wanted for president in 1860 instead of Abe Lincoln. Smith provided money for John Brown’s uprising:
John Brown (1800-1859) raided Harpers Ferry to gain weapons for a slave uprising. A martyr to the North. Showed that slaves could only be freed by force. The Civil War started soon after.
William Lloyd Garrison (1805-1879) – abolitionist, a White man’s Frederick Douglass.
Edgar Allan Poe (1809-1849) – author of “The Raven” and other horror stories. Often considered the first writer with a unique European American style.
Harriet Beecher Stowe (1811-1896) – abolitionist author of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” (1852). Her book turned public opinion of European Americans in the North against slavery.
Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862) – author, wrote “Civil Disobedience” (1849), ”Walden” (1854) and “A Plea for Captain John Brown” (1859).
Moorfield Storey (1845-1929) – first president of the NAACP.
Robert Peary (1856-1920) – with the help of Matthew Henson, he became the first European American to reach the North Pole.
Franz Boas (1858-1942), father of American anthropology, helped to overthrow scientific racism. Zora Neale Hurston was his student.
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) – First Lady. Strong supporter of equal rights for Blacks. Broke with the Daughters of the American Revolution and arranged for Marian Anderson to sing at the Lincoln Memorial.
Sinclair Lewis (1885-1951) – first European American writer to win a Nobel Prize for literature. Wrote “Main Street” (1920), “Babbit” (1922) and “Kingsblood Royal” (1947).
Babe Ruth (1895-1948) – the White Josh Gibson. Held the home run record in Caucasian-league baseball.
Lillian Smith (1897-1966) – author of “Strange Fruit” (1944) and “Killers of the Dream” (1949). Strong anti-racist critic of the Jim Crow South.
George Gey (1899-1970) – discovered the first immortal human cells (HeLa), isolated from cancer patient Henrietta Lacks.
Nathaniel Wyeth (1911-1990) – inventor of the plastic Coke bottle, brother of painter Andrew Wyeth.
Howard Zinn (1922-2010) – historian, author of “A People’s History of the United States” (1980). Taught at Spelman.
Robert Kennedy (1925-1968) – brother of President John Kennedy. Shot dead in 1968 while running for president, leading a multiracial coalition.
Jim Zwerg (1939- ) – civil rights worker whose beating at the hands of the Klan made the Freedom Riders unstoppable.
Michael Schwerner (1939–1964) – civil rights worker murdered by the Klan during Mississippi Freedom Summer.
Joe Biden (1942- ) – vice president, the highest ranking European American in government.
Steve Jobs (1955-2011) – entrepreneur, made computers a mass-market consumer product.
Keith Haring (1958-1990) – street artist, famous for the mural “Crack is Wack” (1986).
Eminem (1972- ) – the best-selling rapper of all time (as of 2013), protege of Dr Dre.