Disclaimer: This is parody.
White is right! Therefore, to know how to think about White people, copy how they think about Blacks, “Muslims” and others:
1. All White people are the same. They are not individuals. They have a hive mind. That means you can judge them from the worst among them, like rapists, terrorists, psychopathic killers or Fox News hosts. It shows what they are like deep down, what everyone of them is capable of. Beware! Sure, Edison invented the light bulb and Mother Teresa helped the poor, but they are the exception.
2. Never give Whites the benefit of the doubt. Until you know otherwise – and maybe not even then – assume each one lacks morals, brains, education, money and might be up to no good. For all you know, they might be a meth head or a psychopathic killer! If you see one coming, you might want to cross the street. Or clutch your pearls. Just to be on the safe side. It works! They will never notice.
3. Confirmation bias. If anything fits your preconceived ideas about Whites, it counts as a “fact” which “proves” it. Remember, always let your conclusions determine what counts as fact. So long as you stick to the facts, there is no way you can be racist.
4. Twist statistics. If the numbers still do not fit your preconceived ideas, then twist some more. If all else fails, just say, “You can prove anything with statistics!”
5. Correlation is cause. If a high rate of anything bad is found among White Americans as compared to, say, Asian Americans, like meth use or out-of-wedlock births, then it has to be because they are White. What else could it be?
6. Decontextualize violence. If Whites are violent, it is because they are White. No other reason.
7. Avoid Whites. Do not make friends with more than one of them, if that. Avoid their neighbourhoods. Do not read their books or listen to their current music. Unless it is an action film, do not watch any show with an all-White cast. Those are meant just for White people and require a deep understanding of the White culture.
8. Do not learn White history. Anything that took place more than 30 years ago has absolutely no effect on the present. Ask any historian.
9. Lack empathy. Never put yourself in their shoes. What would be the point of that? It is impossible to have any understanding of what it feels like to be White.
10. Be ethnocentric. Judge their culture according to your own. If they do not value religion, family, marriage, modest dress, good food or education as much as your own, then there must be something wrong with them. If they do not speak your language or dialect perfectly, then it shows they lack intelligence. Look down on them – or fear them – for not having grown up in your culture, for not being just like you.
Thanks to commenter Just Me for inspiring this post.
- “White is right”
- More flipped White racism: