From 2002 to 2004 researchers at Columbia University ran something of a speed dating service in New York. Not so much to find dates for the 400 graduate students who signed up, though they did that, but to find out what goes into the decision to date someone. One thing they looked at was how and why race affects dating.
The beauty of speed dating is that you can find out who wants who in short order. And, if you ask enough survey questions and run enough numbers, you can start to find out why.
The study found that women prefer to date men of their own race, even when given plenty of opportunity to date outside their race. Men, however, do not care – they are far more interested in a woman’s looks than her race. Race also matters less to those who are older or better looking.
In the study white men and East Asian women often wound up picking each other. Not because white men have a thing for East Asian women or think they are better looking (they do not, not in this study), nor is it because East Asian women prefer white men. Instead it is because East Asian women are far more willing to date outside their race than other women.
While East Asian women do prefer men of their own race, they have nothing against white men. They do, however, have something against dating black and Hispanic men because of their race.
There were four races in the study: black, white, Hispanic (not a race, I know, but in this study it was) and East Asian. They wanted to do South Asians too but not enough signed up.
Too few blacks signed up to draw any firm conclusions about them. But of those in the study, the women preferred their own race the most strongly. The black men did not care – just like the men of other races.
So why do women prefer men of their own race? The study found that it was not because they thought their men were better looking or shared common interests or came from the same class or had the same level of education. It had to do with where the women grew up.
That surprised the researchers: where a woman lived when she was 11 told you more than anything else about the race of man she would date – even if she was at a top university in a big city far from home. Those who came from parts of the country or parts of the world that were more racist were more likely to stick to their own race when dating.
They also found that those who grew up in places where there were many people of another race were less likely to date that race! So, for example, whites who came from a place with many blacks were less likely to date blacks.
The study said that a person’s race did not affect one’s judgement about who was good-looking.
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Excellent study. But what about Indians?
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Interesting Study. I believe that people would generally draw the saw conclusions but a good study nonetheless.
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Aba,
Did the study support or challenge any of your pre-existing views on the topic?
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I did not think that racism in dating was all the woman’s fault. I thought men were to blame for some of it too, even if men are more liberal about such things (or, as my sister would put it, “indiscriminate”). But it does help to make sense of the history of race in America, Brazil, India and the Cape.
According to the study race did not affect how people see attractiveness. I cannot buy that: I see white men walk right by beautiful black women and not even notice them. I think the researchers bent over backwards to reach that conclusion because it made the rest of the numbers simpler to analyse.
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I agree, I always held the belief that men are less picky when it comes to women; that’s across the board. I usually roll my eyes when a guy goes on about his female “preferences”. They usually don’t stick to them. LOL.
Obviously, race affects ideas of attractiveness. Big time. If not, some of your famous posts like “The Most Beautiful Black Women According to White Poeple”, “Most Beautiful Black Women” and “Most Beautiful White Women” wouldn’t exist. I agree, that attractiveness in this country is based, on level, on a racial hierachy/caste system.
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It’s an interesting study and, like most such studies, bears a few kernels that resonate with people who have personal experience with race and interracial relationships. However, like any such study its conclusions are somewhat limited by sample size and methodology.
For example, as a white guy who has dated a lot of BW, I can confirm that there are BW who won’t date white men out of principal. Thus, for a WM to date a BW, the WM must, among other things, figure out whether she would be willing to date a WM at all.
I think it’s a given that guys tend to be more “indiscriminate” when it comes to female physical beauty. At the same time, I know what Agabond says about white guys often not noticing beautiful black women is true.
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Okay I have a question, as a black woman how do you make it known that you would be interested in dating a white man?
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Ashley – I would think that its alot about body language. I think white men might not approach black women because their body language sends the wrong single.
The black culture (I say this as mearly an observer as I am a white women) seems to teach their women to be strong and assertive. Often you see a black womens posture as hands on hips, shoulders back stare you in the eye type thing. This – in white culture -is an aggresive stance. It tells the man you are not interested even if you are.
A white women who lives alone in a city is more withdrawn in body language…often seen standing with arms crossed over her body, shoulders pulled away, leaning back – yet she may be interested in a man, but her poster says stay away.
Another women comes froma culture where women are protected – big families etc (italien, latin) and therefore might be friendly open and flirty – but not interested at all. But her culture dictates this an okay behavior. To a white male – the different body languages can be very difficult to read.
Ask yourself – what is your body language saying to a potential mate?
I am married. But I am an open, friendly women. I smile at every person I meet on the street, I make eye contact and if a person says something to me I respond. I am not looking for a men. I weigh 200 lbs (although its pretty firm and curvy) but I am by no means the best looking women out and about. I would say my looks are average. BUT – I get between 4 – 5 offers from men a day. I am not over stating this…its the truth. I am dressed in business attire and I am not SUPER HOT…so why. Its my body language.
My coworker is single…would like to meet a man. She often complains that she never gets compliments and hit on by random strangers the way I do. we go out alot, I get the offer and she isnt noticed – why. She is thinner than me, has a better body, and a beautiful face. she is smart and intelligent.
So why me and not her. BODY LANGUAGE. She doesnt make eye contact, she doesnt smile, she keeps arms crossed in front of body. Her body language is screaming – dont talk to me. And mine says – come say hi.
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srry bout typos – I am queen of that…yuck
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Thanks for your input. But it’s not like I don’t get approached by men, because I get offers from hispanic and black men often. It’s just that since I’ve never been involved in a romantic relationship and since IR relationships between black women and white men are still sorta taboo, I was just wondering the best way to let a potential white man know that I was interested. The only white men that I have been approached by are psuedo-black men, and that’s not what I want. I want a man to be who he is, whether he be black or white.
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Right – hispanic and black men read your body language differently than white men perhaps. Each cutlure is a bit different. And their are white culture differences even if we are all american. Its what stereotypes are built off of. Most of what a person says is done with body language…not words. I am not saying act like a white women. But what I am saying is that a white man might be intimidated at first. Realize that and YOU approach HIM. I find chasing my husband much more fun than being chased. Approach him, introduce your self. Dont wait for him to come to you. He might be to worried about race issues to approach, or what ever…but if you approach…you solve that problem.
Also – the whole IR thing might seem more exotic at first. BUT…a man is a man in the end and skin color doesnt impact it. If your looking for a short term thing…seek out a man because of skin color might be fun. I understand the whole exotic IR taboo attration. Its the same thing as a man in uniform or whatever…its a fetish. But it will wear off. And then you have a relationship that started because of skin color, you wont have much else. Men are men – they want a cold beer and a burger and some booty…and thats universal.
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I shouldn’t have said taboo, looked down upon would have been a better phrase. Considering that I am in the South and IRs between black women and white men are not as common in general. It’s definetely not a fetish, or something that I want to pursue for sexual gratification. I was basically asking because I AM open to dating (developing a meaningful relationship with someone) outside of my race and was just wondering the best way to go about it.
But again, thanks for you advice.
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Ahhh gotcha – the south – that explains it
Livig in california – its a bit different.
My sister and her husband still gets looks in some of the smaller towns but mostly its a non issue in the cities.
its dumb to limit once potential in finding happiness by skin color. not you – the souths additude. I wish you the best in luck…however, white men are no better than any other man.
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Believe me, hearing my melanin impaired friends talk about their love lives, we all go through the same thing with men.
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Ashley: There’s no magic formula to this. I don’t think that you should try to somehow present yourself to the world as “a black woman open to dating white men.” After all, there are a lot of white men you or anybody else would never want to date. Speaking as a WM who has dated a lot of BW and has been married happily to one BW for 13 years, you have to take this on an individual-by-individual basis. If you happen to meet a WM whom you might be interested in, you do what you do when you meet a man you’re interested in. You know, find a subject of common interest to talk about, etc.
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Interesting study.
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Thanks for your advice Blanc!
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I always wondered why really pretty women don’t get approached my men and other types of women do.
Body language explains it. However, if a man is too much of a wuss that he cannot go after what he really wants, he’s not worth having.
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I would also say to Ashley, body language does help, especially if you are responding to a guy’s attentions. Obviously, if you aren’t really interested in him, your body language will give you away. If you like him and are reserved by nature, you may have to make a little extra effort to convince him of your openness. But you don’t have to be a chatter box to get a guy to like you. Don’t completely overhaul your personality to attract a man. A guy should like you for you.
And to dedabets, I would guess that out of you and your single girlfriend, you have the dominant personality. Often times, women who are more reserved fall back and let someone else shine, because that is a pattern for them. It’s probably best that she does not go out with you at all if she wishes to meet a man. Her natural tendency may be to retreat and let you do the talking. She would be better off going out alone than having to compete with your exhuberance. And if you were really interested in helping her meet a man, it might help if you dialed down and let her take the lead in a conversation with an eligible guy, since you are already taken anyway.
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And to dedabets, I would guess that out of you and your single girlfriend, you have the dominant personality. Often times, women who are more reserved fall back and let someone else shine, because that is a pattern for them. It’s probably best that she does not go out with you at all if she wishes to meet a man. Her natural tendency may be to retreat and let you do the talking. She would be better off going out alone than having to compete with your exhuberance. And if you were really interested in helping her meet a man, it might help if you dialed down and let her take the lead in a conversation with an eligible guy, since you are already taken anyway.
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What a great point. Dominant or extroverted types just assume that everyone can be outgoing and full of fun and verve like they can. Americans, generally are very extroverted and shyer, quiter types are seen as having something wrong with them when that is often not the case.
They may not realize that not all their friends can turn on as easily as they can, but the quieter ones are often overshadowed by those who do appreciate and like to bask in attention.
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There are Hispanics are marrying non-Hispanics. One of them, for example, Jeremiah Neitz is part Hispanic (his great-great-grandmother was Mexican) and got married to a non-Hispanic, Shellie Reinhardt.
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i dont understand why indians are only focused on dating within their race. am black and i would love to date an indian but its so hard to find one who can focus on you without mentioning that its wrong for them to date or marry outside their race.
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Are you living in Britain?
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It’s just in, Jeremiah Neitz is no longer married to Michelle Rheinhardt-Neitz. He is engaged to someone else and still living in Texas. Neitz is of British, Irish, French, Dutch, Swedish, Italian, German, and Hispanic origin.
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Most of the girls that I have dated have been white.
I would love to date an afro latina but from my experience most tend to be the biggest self hating racists on the planet.
Btw I got a date next week!!! Hopefully my dry spells are over!!!
(I know the 2nd statement is slightly off topic.) 🙂
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Are you sure Jeremiah and Michelle were married? I thought they were just living together in sin? 😛 Don’t they have a couple kids together too???
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Vindicator says,
I would love to date an afro latina but from my experience most tend to be the biggest self hating racists on the planet.
laromana says,
Vindicator,
Why don’t you SPARE US YOUR FALSE, DISHONEST, ANTI-AFROLATINA GENERALIZATIONS.
Like women of ANY RACE, Afrolatinas have every RIGHT to love ANY MAN of ANY RACE THEY WANT without being subjected to FALSE accusations of being “self hating racists”.
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Inquiring Mind,
I am very sure Jeremiah and Michelle got married but they got divorced sometime later. Jeremiah is engaged to someone else in Texas.
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Needless to say, Jeremiah Neitz is related to Muhammad Ali (“I am the greatest!” says Ali!) and War hero Simon Buckner!
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All in all, Jeremiah Alvin Neitz has colorful ancestry: he is of British, Irish, French, Dutch, Swedish, Italian, German, Manx. Belgian, and Hispanic origin. He is of old American stock.
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Women have many men of their race to choose from too since most races would abort their daughters in favor of a son anyway. Another factor to consider is parents. Most of the time they want their daughters to date and marry their own race.
What’s worse is that single race people refuse to date and marry mixed or biracial people because they are too attractive for them, too good to be true, and are not trustworthy because they are of different races and many cultures. Mixed and biracial people have a tougher time when it comes to dating and marriage.
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@Kiwi,
I got that so much from whites both male and female. I got so sick of it that I could not stand to be around them – as though they are the bastion of American values. It is like describing blacks as”from a different culture” as though they are not American either.
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Kiwi, i’m sure your asian aunt is just another ugly asian woman with low self-esteem that got rejected by men of her own race. don’t worry about it.
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^ This is not the first time I’ve heard comments about asian women who date out/marry white men are likely unattractive so even their own men want nothing to do with them. Interesting.
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I’ve only dated inter-ethnically. I also married someone who wasn’t Filipino.
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