When your marriage is in trouble

The book on marriage I most trust is Ed Wheat’s “Love Life For Every Married Couple”. I like him: he does not give up and is grounded in God.

The book has got me through some really rough times and not heeding it mostly lands me into trouble.

Here are some rules from the book that I have gathered. I tell them from the male point of view, but they work either way:

1. When your marriage is in trouble, chances are it
   is because your wife is being unfaithful to you or is seriously thinking about it. Not always, but most of the time. Prepare for the worst. When and if the bad news comes, do not ask for the details: it will be impossible for you to get them out of your head. It will make it that much harder to save your marriage. You are far better off not knowing.

   Know this: Christ can be on your side but never on the other side. This is your edge.

2. Do not discuss your marriage with family and friends: they will take your side against your wife and make it harder for you to keep your marriage together. Some will tell you to leave her.
3. Never say anything bad about your wife – not even to yourself! It will poison you and come out in how you act towards her. It will only make matters worse. You will not change her, certainly not in the short run. Work on changing yourself instead.
4. Always honour and respect her, even when she does not deserve it!
5. Meet her needs and desires. It is the only way she will know if you love her.
6. Let her know you still love her and still want her above all other women – so long as it is true!
7. Pray and read Scripture daily. You will need God’s strength and direction to get through this. Start with: 1 Corinthians 13, Ephesians 5, Colossians 3, 1 Peter 3, Hosea (especially chapter 15) and the Song of Solomon.

   And then: Genesis 2, Psalms 31, 52, 112, Proverbs 5, Philippians 1.6, Romans 12, 2 Corinthians 12.

   These talk about the nature of marriage and married love. Know them, live them.

8. Even when the love has died, it can be brought back if you take the first step and show her your love, time after time, day after day, without fail. What man can match you?
9. Do not lose hope. Let God lead you. It will take months, maybe even years. Keep on course!
10. Do not sign anything that ends the marriage. Resist this as much as possible.
11. If others talk about you or say bad things, do not defend yourself.
12. Reread the book.

In short: Do not give up, follow God and show her unconditional love.

These rules do not always work, but they work in most cases. Like with a serious disease, the sooner you act the better your chances.

See also:

• gentleman
• marriage vs sex