Some notes on the other night which I know I will need to read in the future. This is about the only place I can write it down where the wrong people will not see it. Hiding in plain sight.
The other day I was watching the news on CNN. I saw McCain’s wife. I have seen her dozens of times before, but this time she was looking good to me! You know, like in the way that Gabrielle Union or Bria Myles look good to me – though not that good, of course. Yes, it had been that long!
At work at meetings people are talking to me and I only hear half of what they are saying. I try to smile at the right points and piece together what they are saying. There is one thought that keeps pushing its way into my mind. Sex clouds my mind.
That is because all my wife does these days is argue about money. She gets angry, I get angry, she locks the door and then my blood boils.
The other night I came home all smiles. I am not sure why, but nothing anyone could say to me could kill my spirit. This angered my wife.
She started arguing about money. But this time I promised myself I would not get angry. I would bite my tongue and be patient. She had to want it as much as I did. In fact, this is just how she acts when she wants it bad – she picks a fight, an all-night fight.
So I waited. I had slept on the bus coming home, so I could stay up all night if I had to.
It went beyond money of course. She went on to call my mother and my sister all kinds of names. I quietly defended them but I refused to get angry. If I did all would be lost.
I said as little as possible. I knew that any words that left my mouth would be twisted against me and feed the fire. She was angry.
I waited. Twelve o’clock. I waited. One o’clock. I waited. Two o’clock. And then her anger burnt itself out.
She checked her email. Her sister had written. I offered to help her write back. She cannot type fast like I can.
After I wrote the email for her, I gave her suggestions for songs to put on her iPod. I went through my YouTube list of songs. YouTube is the closest thing I have to an iPod. She did not care for the few rock or rap songs I had, except for Juelz Santana, but she did like most of my R & B.
By that time, almost four in the morning, she had softened enough…
So I just had to be very patient and not lose my cool. And give up any ideas of sleeping that night. But it was worth it.
See also:
Abagond 