There is no sure way of telling whether a husband or boyfriend will beat you, but there are certain warning signs to look for. Any one of these by itself might mean little, but several of them together is bad news (the same goes for wives and girlfriends, by the way, though this sort of behaviour is less common with them):
- He looks down on his old girlfriends or wives.
- At the beginning he thinks you are wonderful and perfect.
- He does favours for you that make you feel uncomfortable.
- He gets serious too quickly.
- He says that if you truly love him you would sleep with him.
- He is always checking up on your whereabouts.
- He always seems to find bad things to say about your family, your friends, your clothes or your looks.
- He disrespects you.
- Nothing ever seems to be his fault.
- He makes promises but does not keep them, almost as if he is doing it on purpose.
- He kicks doors or throws things (you could be next).
- He drives fast or wild when he is angry.
- He acts nicer to you in public than in private, almost like he is putting on a show (he is).
- He tends to go out with women much younger than himself.
If many of these sound just like him, then you should talk to the women in his past, if you can, and see what they say about him. If he has hit them, the day will probably come when he will hit you too. Do not fool yourself. It is how he has learned to deal with women when things are not going his way. Their past is most likely your future. Do not think you can change him, do not think you are that special to him – despite his words, you are not.
You should also seriously consider leaving him. That may be a hard thing to do, especially if you have children with him, but know this: the longer you wait, the harder – and more dangerous – it will become.
If he does any of the following he has already crossed the line into outright abuse even if he has not yet hit you:
- He makes you feel physically afraid.
- He threatens you.
- He forces you to have sex.
- He repeatedly keeps you from seeing family or friends.
- He keeps you from going to school to better yourself.
- He keeps you from pursuing your interests.
- He makes you feel like an ant.
- He gets back at you for complaining about his behaviour.
- He denies his bad behaviour or blames it on you.
- He makes you feel like you cannot do anything right.
How would you feel about a man who did these things to your mother? A man like this no longer sees his woman as his equal, as someone with a mind and a will and the freedom to use it. He no longer might be an abuser some day – he already is.
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