Disclaimer: This is parody. Do not try this at home!
We can learn how to write about White American and European history by observing how Whites write about Black history and change it up:
Sources: Trust only Black authors. Because second-hand sources are better. Anything they leave out must be unimportant.
World history is mainly the history of Africa and the Diaspora – and whatever sideshow contributions others have made to it, like air conditioning.
US history is the history of Blacks in the US. Everything else appears as:
Cameos and contributions: White History can be understood completely in terms of Whites important to Black history, like Abe Lincoln, the Klan, and Willis Carrier.
inventions – those by Whites are either “contributions” or “refinements”.
freedom – use only when talking about Blacks.
democracy – when Blacks can vote.
White rule – when Blacks cannot vote.
progress – measured completely in terms of what helps Blacks.
moral centre – Blacks are the moral centre of US history, always fighting for its democratic values, something Whites are always trying to undermine.
European history: Only the parts that affect Black history matter: slave trade, colonialism, neocolonialism, etc. Everything else, like the Italian Renaissance, you can leave out. But you might want highlight their long and violent barbarian past. Or Stalin and Hitler.
Europe – is a country, the same everywhere. And everywhen – from Vikings to Spanish conquistadors to Hitler.
North Africa – is part of Africa and therefore Black.
Honorary Blacks are people from the Middle East or Mediterranean Europe who have made valued contributions to Blacks. They can be shown as Black in pictures, film and television. Jesus and Muhammad, for example, were not Africans, but they were certainly close enough.
Sub-Arctic Europe (SAE) – This is the part of Europe where humans commonly do not have brown eyes or black hair. Since outward physical appearances are signs of profound, inner differences, people of SAE descent must be profoundly different from the rest of the human race. Are they even truly human? Given their history, they seem to lack human feelings. They were incapable of civilization before Roman contact.
Tip: Make sure to put a hyphen after the “sub” so that no one misses it. Avoid “Nordic” and “Aryan”. They mean the same thing but are outdated and racist.
Neanderthal genes – keep bringing this up, even though no one knows what effect, if any, these genes have.
tribal, native: Apply these to European culture in place of more specific terms:
- Classical music = tribal music,
- French fashion = native dress,
- Bosnian war = tribal warfare.
Decontextualize violence: No need to understand why Whites are so violent. Everyone already knows: because they are White. They have a long and violent barbarian past. They have Neanderthal genes.
White pathologies – If the Neanderthal thing is too much, you can always blame their Cultural Background instead, which was shaped by a long and violent barbarian past. They have killed and enslaved more people than anyone in history. If the fault lies not in their genes, then it must lie in their culture.
See also:
Good one Abagond.
Also, don’t forget; if white people (including their skeletons, art, graves…) are found anywhere out side of Europe, its because non white people brought them there as slaves.
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“They were incapable of civilization before Roman contact.”
Actually not an unreasonable thing to say. Of course you can speak of a Celtic civilization, but it was significantly less impressive in the common “markers” of civilization: political system, scribality, architecture, urban life and empire building. And it also owed much to Greek/mediterrean influence.
“Sub-Arctic Europe (SAE)”
Not a good aquivalent of sub-saharan Africa, as all of Europe is south of the artic. A better afro-centric term would be “trans-alpine Europe”.
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This is genius, Abagond. Hopefully it’ll help shine light on the double standards that exist.
I’d also add, Europeans who tell European history from the European perspective, or form any opinion different from the black academic consensus, are Eurocentric and therefore shouldn’t be taken seriously. They are all pseudo-scholars, despite their education, research and any evidence amassed.
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A better afro-centric term would be “trans-alpine Europe”.
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Ah, no.
Because Sub-Artic Europe reveals the Euro-centric thought behind the behavior.
Sometimes the best way to recognize a certain behavior in others is to practice it yourself.
BTW– there is no “dark side” of the moon either.
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Kartoffel
A better afro-centric term would be
——————————————————————————–
White people try to use the term “afro-centric” to discredit research or people they disagree with.
Ironically, today white people produce PHD papers, give TED TALKS, and produce content validating and crediting research which only a few years ago was dismissed as “afro-centric.”
Have you noticed its never the young white people who try to pull the “white Jesus”, “white Egyptians” nonsense?
Its the old white people trying to get that old swayback former RACE horse to plow one more field before its time for the glue factory.
“old dinosaurs never die, they just,
they just…
leave thru the tail pipe.
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Wonderful post! So much TRUTH in it! Thanks! 🙂
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Ha, ha , ha — Abagond
Love it !!
but you know good and well, your sarcasm will go over the heads of your white trolls, white lurkers, and resident race realists.
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ROFL.
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Other things you must write about as the loonier ‘white’ or eurocentric historian is Atlantis and Thule! Oh yes, I forgot; the historians who claim slavery wasn’t
that bad!
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@Herneith
In the Roman empire, selling yourself into slavery was a strategy some men used to escape crushing taxation or military service.
Even Harriet Tubman had to free some slaves at gunpoint.
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Loved this post- but I read somewhere that Neanderthals were likely killed off by Homo Sapiens though – indicating the current crop of white people have come down through the more violent of the two species. Any Neanderthal DNA still there must be from war brides.
As violent and barbaric as white people have been (and still are, just under the surface), they also seem to have a great ability to work together to get things done. It seems the more north one travels, the more cooperation is required for survival. Your photo from the show Vikings made me think of that.
Have a great weekend you guys!
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Let me be more specific then; slavery in the antebellum South.
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Herneith
Let me be more specific then; slavery in the antebellum South.
—————————————————————————————-
Being a free man also means you are free to starve.
Chasing money can be very oppressive; think about all the young black males who ended up in prison or the cemetery from chasing money?
On the plantation, everything is managed for you from cradle to grave.
Many people prefer it; even today.
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Words and information that you would find in my white history textbook:
1. Sub-Scandinavian Europe
2. Europe has been afflicted by several Ice Ages.
3. The kings and queens of Europe have treated their people unfairly.
4. European tribal wars
5. Queen Elizabeth of Spain bathed once a year.
6. Slavery began in Europe.
7. Between 1500 BC and 1500 CE ‘paganism’ was the dominant way of life.
8. The Black Death
9. Sub-Scandinavian Europeans are phenotypically and culturally different than North Europeans.
10. African and Arab explorers discovered people, animals, mountains, rivers, and lakes in Sub-Scandinavian Europe.
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…and where facts/evidence does not fit preconceived bias—use “revisionist history” (which is a fancy way of saying “fiction”) to twist history to fit the narrative you want….
The West often does this with Islamic history…..
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“Sub-Arctic Europe (SAE)”
Yo, I haven’t laughed this hard in DAYS! Genius!
“Tip: Make sure to put a hyphen after the “sub” so that no one misses it. Avoid “Nordic” and “Aryan”. They mean the same thing but are outdated and racist.”
Will do!
“Neanderthal genes – keep bringing this up, even though no one knows what effect, if any, these genes have.”
I constantly remind whites with a false sense of white superiority that they’re less of a homo sapiens sapiens (an anatomically modern human) then I am. They need to be reminded all the time, every single minute, every single hour until they get it. They’re not better than anybody because they’re white. Period. If they don’t like it, then they shouldn’t be questioning anyone ELSE’s humanity in the first place. Like I always say: don’t get ticked because the victims of your false sense of white superiority learned how to fight back. You want to throw a punch, learn how to take one.
“tribal, native: Apply these to European culture in place of more specific terms:
Classical music = tribal music,
French fashion = native dress,
Bosnian war = tribal warfare.”
Love!!! Too hilarious!
“Decontextualize violence: No need to understand why Whites are so violent. Everyone already knows: because they are White. They have a long and violent barbarian past. They have Neanderthal genes.”
I love asking whites why in the fxck they’re so violent all the time – especially white Americans. They constantly seem to be suffering from amnesia about the depraved, mindless brutality and anti-social behavior they engage all over the globe. Even a lot of their military “peacekeeper” troops act no better than destructive Neo-Nazi street gangs, interlopers, and rapists with access high powered weapons and nuclear bombs. A lot of them disgust me with their pretension.
“White pathologies – If the Neanderthal thing is too much, you can always blame their Cultural Background instead, which was shaped by a long and violent barbarian past. They have killed and enslaved more people than anyone in history. If the fault lies not in their genes, then it must lie in their culture.”
I love this one! And lord knows…it’s probably true. Lmao!
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@thwack
Um, no. Maybe you’re talking about some kind of indentured servitude or vassalship..because it is not in the same UNIVERSE as the fxckery whites pulled in the Western hemisphere, particularly in the United States. Selling yourself into a 7 year term of indentured servitude is not in the same universe as the racial chattel slavery that happened in the Antebellum South. Subjecting Africans and their descendants to inexcusably cruel, utterly dehumanizing, lifelong, hereditary, perpetual race-based slavery is not indentured servitude.
Racial chattel slavery was institution that utterly dehumanized and demonized ALL people of African descent, their children, and their children’s children for perpetuity so they could be enslaved forever. African people were relegated to non-human status and could be enslaved at any time, anywhere, by anyone. This happened no matter who they were, how much money they had, what they did, where they lived, and ESPECIALLY no matter what they said. Example? Solomon Northup who wrote 12 Years a Slave. It made dark brown skin and African heritage itself a stigmatized mark of chattel slave status. Slave code evolved into a black code and now it’s a foundation for institutional racism or “whiteness”. Black people are STILL relegated to non-human status, but now instead of being deemed to be fit to be slaves that are subjected INEXCUSABLY inhumane and brutal chattel slavery, we’re deemed to only be criminals fit for instant death or inexcusably inhumane and brutal prisons where we are relegated to yet ANOTHER kind of slavery. Example? Tamir Rice, a 12 year old baby.
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@ Veronica, everything you said was Right On Point-as you often do!
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P.S. Great post, Abagond!
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European Vikings
VS.
African Asante war-soldiers
Who would win in a hands-only fighting match?
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Aren’t there pathologies in White culture, though? Aren’t there pathologies in every culture? Some of them could probably be called human pathologies, while others are more specific to certain cultures. Pathologies don’t negate individual responsibility, but they do shape people’s outlooks in significant ways, right?
I think one of the important differences between White pathologies and Black pathologies is that many Black pathologies were largely caused by White racism.
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@Michael Cooper
Now that I have picked my jaw up off the keyboard.
African Asante war-soldiers
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@Paige
“I think one of the important differences between White pathologies and Black pathologies is that many Black pathologies were largely caused by White racism.”——-You have a point. I am curious on how much and what black pathologies are caused by white racism.
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Was African female genital mutilation caused by white people?
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@sharinalr @thwack
I would think that worldwide Black poverty has a lot to do with Black Africa being sliced up and run ragged by colonialism, while Black Americans have also been held back from financial success by slavery, the sharecropping system, legal segregation, and still-present (as shown in sociological studies) issues such as housing and hiring discrimination, school segregation, unjustly disproportionate imprisonment rates, etc. Poverty and social marginalization in turn increase the likelihood of issues like low self-esteem, depression, lack of motivation, anxiety, desperation, drug abuse, theft, violence, family breakdown (also not helped by the tradition of breaking up families during slave times), welfare dependency, etc.
Sometimes Black kids also (understandably) want to rebel against the problematic aspects of the dominant White culture but wind up throwing the baby out with the bathwater and rejecting mostly-good traditions like higher education and committed relationships. Other Black issues like female circumcision in Africa and high rates of homophobia could be attributed to lack of education. (Don’t forget that many White Americans “mutilate” their sons’ genitals before they’re even old enough to choose). Similar pathologies to those that Black people demonstrate can be observed in impoverished and marginalized communities of all races and ethnicities around the globe, so they’re not specific to Black people.
I say as a (mostly) White American that I think an official apology and possibly monetary reparations are in order. Japanese Americans who were put in internment camps AND their descendents got an apology and reparations in the billions for about four years in the camps, which is way less than the centuries of mistreatment that Black people have endured. I just fear that the payment of reparations to Black people would increase White racial hatred the way Obama’s election seemed to. On the other hand, we seem to be part of a new era of racial protest, which may bring about beneficial results like the Civil Rights Movement did in the ’60s. Maybe conflict over reparations would actually get people talking and spur on social progress. Sometimes the best things come from bad situations. That’s the meaning of my avatar: “You can’t have rainbows without a little rain.” Kind of corny but true!
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@Paige
This is partially inaccurate. It was paid only to actual detainees. US$20,000 to some 60,000 survivors at the time, totaling some 1.2 billion. It was not paid to any descendants. The only exception was an amount paid to a detainee who had since died, bringing the total to 82,000 or to the spouse or parent of a detainee (which, in some cases, were not of Japanese descent). For the ones who had died, it went to their estate and thus was split among their heirs (which may or may not be their descendants).
Are you aware of any case where the government paid a reparation other than in respect of an actual victim? It would set a new precedence. I am not saying that it should not be discussed and addressed, but it would be a lot more problematic than the precedence you cited.
You got that right. Well over 100 million American men currently alive, most of them white, had their genitals mutilated without their consent. Even CNN fails to notice this blind spot about the USA when they publish their articles:
From an article posted on Friday (yesterday):
(http://edition.cnn.com/2015/03/13/health/penis-transplant-south-africa/index.html)
Doctors claim first successful penis transplant
This might be correct, but the rate of medically unnecessary circumcisions in the USA exceeds 60%.
I would say that this cultural practice of genital mutilation among white Americans is also due to cultural practice and a lack of education — no different from “Africa”. (In quotes, because I know Africa is not a country.)
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@ Paige
I agree with a great deal of what you said.
“I say as a (mostly) White American that I think an official apology and possibly monetary reparations are in order”—An official apology has been made. Pay it forward mentioned it here https://abagond.wordpress.com/2014/05/26/ta-nehisi-coates-the-case-for-reparations/#comment-235496
I agree with the monetary aspect of reparations, but some needs to be collectively put towards education of our kids. Improvement of black communities first.
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Who would win in a hands-only fighting match?
The ones with the bigger pectoral muscles!
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@Mz.Nikita
Thank you, girl!
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@thwack
Who knows? Instead of putting that “question” out there as though it actually says anything substantive, why don’t you find out? In fact, why don’t you go try and find out just how much so-called “Black pathology” was caused by white supremacy. I’m betting it’s a hell of a lot more than people are willing to admit to:
http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-u-s-role-in-darfur-sudan/2592
“The U.S. Role in Darfur, Sudan”
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@ Veronica
Black people wanna change everything but themselves.
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@Veronica-; )
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@thwack
“Black people wanna change everything but themselves.”
Are you Black? If so, speak for yourself and only yourself. B/c you surely do not speak for me and mine with dumbness like this. You don’t get to generalize any manifestations of your internalized white supremacy to all Black people. If you feel badly about being Black, speak for yourself. Mmmkay?
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@thwack
If you’re not Black, go —- yourself. And keep whatever you erroneously *think* “you know” about Black folks to yourself. Saying sxxt like this makes you look mentally stunted.
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Veronica is like those rappers who only want to battle.
“they can’t write a song, so their careers won’t last long”– KRS1
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Ouch. But I needed to read it. Thanks for the eye-opener!
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@thwack,
“Black people wanna change everything but themselves.”
Yeah so says you over and over again. I see you’re still pushing your lame version of “respectability politics”.
Malcolm X called that nonsense out decades ago with his famous “What do you call an educated Negro with a PhD….” line. Also, one would think the often outrageous racially tinited treatment that even the poster children for respectability politics (the Obamas) receive would ‘ve put the final nail in the coffin of that line of thinking.
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@Ks
You stay gone wayyyy tooo long.
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ks
I see you’re still pushing your lame version of “respectability politics”.
——————————————————————————————
Actually, I think it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the exercises they conduct is to go around the room and have everyone to give an example of something they tried to change so they could keep on drinking.
Alcoholics want to change everything but themselves.
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@sharinair,
Hey there! Thanks. : ) I do stay peeking though. lol. Hope all is well.
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Hey Abagond. Where did you find that bottom pic of the Nazi zombies? I think I’ve seen it before. Dead Snow? I’m just curious.
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Great!
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@Emme
It is hard to say. Some days he seems less of one and other days he is full on.
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@Emme
If this is the same thwack I spoke with on the “Racism before 1400” thread, he didn’t seem like a self-loathing black at all. In any case, I feel that Abagond did a thread similar to this a while back, but maybe I’m wrong …
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@ks: good to read you again don’t be a stranger
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Rumors of my self loathing are greatly exaggerated.
I have a lifetimes supply of melanin and a penis as large as my vocabulary.
I wouldn’t trade places with Obama;
How black is that?
Say it loud.
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Like this post it’s funny (LULZ)
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@thwack
” One of the exercises they conduct is to go around the room and have everyone to give an example of something they tried to change so they could keep on drinking.”
maybe in rehab? but not at any meeting i’ve been to, and that is quite a few actually
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Are you drunk?
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Comments by Emme deleted. She is a Veronica sock puppet.
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@thwack no, just sometimes your ‘know-it-all-iness’ is beyond the pale — no pun intended
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and i am an alcoholic and addict
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Well then you of all people should understand the importance of changing your own behavior in order to improve or become better.
For example, you had to stop hanging out with certain people didn’t you?
You had to stop going to certain places didn’t you?
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@thwack,
“Actually, I think it comes from Alcoholics Anonymous. One of the exercises they conduct is to go around the room and have everyone to give an example of something they tried to change so they could keep on drinking.
Alcoholics want to change everything but themselves.”
Actually, that’s a dumb comparison. You’re trying to twist the concept by ignoring the context. Telling black people to change their “behaviors” in response to racism is not the same thing as telling an alcoholic to stop behaviors that lead to drinking. Alcoholism is a personal struggle while racism is overwhelmingly an external force that has proven to negatively affect even the most “resopnsible” blacks.
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@Mary Burrell,
Thanks! : )
@abagond,
Sorry for the dupe post.
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racism is overwhelmingly an external force
————————————————————-
So is gravity; which is why many fat people want to change everything but themselves.
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@thwack,
“So is gravity; which is why many fat people want to change everything but themselves.”
___________________________________________________________
Your responses are becoming increasinly silly and desperate. Yeah the external force of gravity, one of the four fundamental forces of nature, is the same as external force of racism which is, at best, a man made artifice. Your analogies are terrible.
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@thwack
Black people can change themselves all they want, but if the surrounding environment is poisonous to their well-being, then…
Put it this way: all the fighting styles in the world don’t mean a damn thing if you’re still getting shot at by someone with a gun. At some point, you gotta learn how to take cover instead of learning the best ways to punch a bullet.
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@ Mack
Pft! My Kung Fu is Strong!
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@ leigh
The zombies are from “Call of Duty: World at War” (2008).
http://www.examiner.com/article/how-to-identify-and-avoid-zombies-yuma
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@thwack, the question is, who is the “addict” when it comes to America’s relationship to race? What countries were so addicted to tobacco and sugar that they negated their Christian ethos and sense of morality and humanity to enslave other human beings? Who pimped out a whole people to support their “habit”? Not black Americans. Black Americans, btw, are ALWAYS working on changing themselves, adhering to the standards put out by white America, whether those standards be a hairweave or chasing the monetary values that inspire the corruption Wall Street. I would liken black Americans to the captives of a serious, sociopathic addict who must heal and recover and love themselves through the brutality of their captors. Black people are always “looking at the problem” and it is time the victim stopped blaming themselves and assign responsibility where it belongs- to their abuser. When the victim ceases self hatred, is when they are ceasing to be victims. When the victim stops internalizing white supremacy and every other psycho addictions white people have, then we can heal ourselves. Black people, we are changing ourselves- by figuring out proper boundaries, where our abuser ends and we begin. This whole thing- Abagond- is part of the process And the first thing black folks have to do is to STOP enabling white people to abuse us. In Al Anon , you leave your drunk partner and you separate yourself, rather than enabling to continue making you enslaved to their pathological behavior.
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And PS, one of the way you change yourself is by saying “no” to your abuser. Erecting a boundary, talking back to their verbal abuse and dismissal. This is not, AA and recovery for black folks. White people are the ones who are bred on a dependency on racial hierarchies and the high of guaranteed, unearned superiority. So, figure out who your junkie is. And in any circle in AA or any other twelve step meeting, there is NO CROSSTALK! If you are part of this bullshit, metaphoric “recovery program” then you, Thwack, need to mind your own business and keep working on yourself.
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And keep working on your people. You should be going around other white folks and helping them get over their barely conscious addiction to their own entitlement and sense of centrality. You could do a lot monitoring the behavior and sentiments of those whom you share status as a privileged, white male. If you are so bent on helping somebody take responsibility. At this point, you are merely exercising your privilege, without the humility to adhere to the advice you are dispensing. Know thyself. In AA, there is no crosstalk and the way you help others is by coming clean about your own addictions and shortcomings Stop taking other people’s inventory. No one asked you to sponsor them. Until they do, Keep Working On You.
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Two things worth commenting I think on here:
This is probably true but then it would apply to white people too and everyone else for that matter. Its a psychological state of being we are encouraged to adopt in western society where our focus is always directed to that which lies outside of us. We are never encouraged to believe that changing a part of ourselves internally can lead indirectly to a change in others externally.
Racism is no more a force than Love, Joy, Happiness, Evil etc…these are all states of being. But there manifestations (just like racism) may be externally as well as internally experienced.
We can seek to challenge the manifestation effects of racism externally but its origin or source will never be fully eliminated unless we seek to personally challenge this internally as well.
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I think changing yourself is all about doing what is being done on this blog. Really rejecting internalized negative ideas by turning them around, spinning them around and taking them inside out. The more I read blogs that help me reject negativity about myself as a black person, the more I change internally. I felt a sense of liberation after reading this. I think that that is what is happening is Internal Change for black Americans. I think when people want to interfere with your process, you check ’em. You delineate your boundaries, you question what you have been given. Blogs and posts like these are a collective way some of us learn to change our internal state. I think people think internal change is some quiet submissive form of deference to everyone’s feelings. This blog might be affront to some people but they don’t have to read it. It is helpful for me in really understanding the hogwash I used to buy into. Like, you might, as a person grow in confidence. And your posture might change externally. And someone else might have a judgement about that. They might be offended. But that, alas, is their problem. They might interpret that you want to threaten or hurt them. You might have not looked your neighbor in the eye when you were underconfident. Some creatures in the animal kingdom might take a direct gaze as an affront. So? So some people might get offended by your growth and self awareness. It does not mean your internal change is really rude, irresponsible or meant to hurt someone else.
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lol Abagond good one.
But about the sub-artic europe…i think since europe wouldn´t be the center, we would have to return the world maps and place Africa at the top and europe at the bottom and exaggeratedly reduce the size of Europe as to present it as a country beneath the feet of Africa :), yet make sure to racialize europe according to skintones and the perception of closeness towards Africans. that would give something like SUB-Mediterranean europe and SUB-alpine europe and really insisting on the “sub” prefix. Implying that they are both less than, but Sub-mediterranean europe being more “civilized” because of closer contacts and racial affinity with Africa.
Write books and make documentaries about neandertal and insist how they are connected to europeans, and also insist how sub-alpine europeans were living before roman invasions.
To study black societies you will have Sociologists, but to study european ones you will have ethnologists, studying tribes and wondering what is wrong with them.
You keep doing this over and over over and this will become the standard way of looking at white people.
lol my 2 cents
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@ leo
Good point about the map!
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Yes, Leo, we should have a post comparing sub-mediterranean and sub-Alpine Europe placed on the bottom of the map, with the latter having the most recent contact with African peoples and the most inhospitable climates.
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^ Yeah, that’s what I thought, too. I watched Dead Snow several years ago and I was certain the pic Abagond posted was from that movie. Well, thanks for the confirmation.
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You’re just jealous of our culture.
Of COURSE American history should be taught from a White perspective. After all, we did found the country.
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