OkCupid, an Internet dating website, put out their numbers on race and dating last week. Some of the main findings that I pull from it (OkCupid had a somewhat different take):
- Women: Middle Eastern women are hot! Black women are not. White women are second-to-last (despite all that free marketing from Hollywood).
- Men: white men are on top, Asian Indian men dead last, black men second-to-last.
- Black women like white men more than they are liked back – even though men are dogs!
- Only some people prefer to date within their own race, like white women and Asian Indian men. Most do not given the chance.
- Race affects dating for both men and women and it is not just a matter of looks or stated preferences either.
“Hot”, “liked” and “prefer” are based on reply rates to messages between those whom OkCupid matched based on stated preferences and some other stuff. They also controlled for looks and male height, so this is not a tale of supposedly short Asian men or ugly black women.
While the reply rates were wildly different based on the race of the sender, there was little difference based on, say, Zodiac sign.
The advantage of the OkCupid study is that it looks at almost a million people and looks at their actions not their fine words. (They did throw in some opinion polls, but I am basing nothing on that.)
The disadvantage of the study is that their users are “better-educated, younger, and far more progressive” than most, that online dating can only be part of the picture and that their study gives the what but not the why.
Even so, their numbers generally do match what one New York dating service (whose name escapes me) found: that black men avoid dating black women and that American women avoid Asian men, particularly Asian Indian men.
But, unlike OkCupid, the owner of that dating service asked his customers why: black men told him they do not need a dating service to meet black women while American women said they do not want to date foreign men – which apparently they had stereotyped Asian men as being (the perpetual foreigner stereotype).
The OkCupid post got over 500 comments. I did not read them all, but most of the ones I saw kept making the point that having certain preferences is not the same as being racist. That misses the point that the study made: race still mattered even after taking that stuff into account.
Women listed in order of reply rates to their messages:
- 49.5 Middle Eastern
- 46.0 Pacific Islander
- 44.4 Other
- 43.7 Asian
- 42.7 Indian
- 42.5 Hispanic/Latin
- 42.3 Native American
- 42.1 White
- 34.3 Black
Men listed in order of reply rates to their messages:
- 29.2 White
- 27.8 Native American
- 26.8 Other
- 25.7 Middle Eastern
- 24.6 Pacific Islander
- 23.1 Hispanic/Latin
- 22.2 Asian
- 21.7 Black
- 20.8 Indian
Who replies to black women (by reply rate):
- 41: Native American, Other
- 40: Middle Eastern
- 39:
- 38:
- 37: Black, Indian
- 36: Hispanic/Latin
- 35:
- 34: (the mean)
- 33:
- 32: Pacific Islander, White
- 31: Asian
Who replies to black men (by reply rate):
- 28: Black
- 27: Native American
- 26:
- 25: Pacific Islander
- 24: Other
- 23:
- 22:
- 21: Indian, Middle Eastern, White (the mean)
- 20:
- 19: Hispanic/Latin
- 18:
- 17: Asian
See also:
- OkCupid: Your Race Affects Whether People Write You Back – their take was different
- Other blog posts on this: Siditty, Racialicious, Roissy
- race and dating – the Columbia speed dating study
- White men that like black women – geeky betas
- Black women that white men like – thin, dark, middle-class with natural hair
- Why so few white men marry black women, part I – because white men are racist
- Why so few white men marry black women, part II – because black women are racist (per the Columbia speed dating study)
- Why so few white men marry black women, part III – because most white men have a strange way of approaching women
- Why so few black men marry black women
- sexual selection and race – according to Darwin and Jared Diamond
- perpetual foreigner stereotype
this is an interesting post. who is the girl you have pictured? she is very beautiful.
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okaystupid, i mean okaycupid isn’t the end all be all
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Fascinating stuff!
Wow, so black men are the “commodities” that the mainstream media/society paints them to be? I would’ve though that that group would have ranked higher among races of women in this study.
It’s funny, I’m currently doing a study/story on how skin color affects perceptions of others with college aged people (18-24). I feel that the answers that I’m getting are from a conscious mind. They know what to say and what not to say. Their actions may say something else. So that is the beauty of OKCupid’s study.
But like I’ve said over and over again on this site, this country (and the western world at large) is structured by race. So, of course, it will more or less affect every and any aspect of American life.
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I hope this study puts to rest this Black women are loyal to Black men myth.
Black women want to date out just as much or more than Black men. It’s the other men that are reluctant.
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Not too many surprises here with the exception of the Middle-Eastern women being first on the list. I went to the blog containing comments, a sampling:
‘I get it. Numbers don’t lie. Except for when they do. Is it in any way possible that people prefer what they were raised around? I look at the black and multi-ethnic women/people on OKCupid and see women with fairly eclectic tastes, for the most part. If you bothered to poll us, you’d most likely see that most of us probably went to private schools or schools for academically-inclined students. Schools that, for the most part, were populated with white people. Now these white people we went to attended schools that were – gasp – predominately white.’
‘ Dac88
All that this prove is that people universally see whites as more desirable. Its hypocritical for minorities to be offended at whites preferring whites when their underlying motivation is that they want to be with a white person as well.’
‘ Chris
As much as this pains me to ask this, is it possible that stereotypes are just that, for a reason? I’m a white, monogamous male that works in a black owned, black run, black patronized business and I get more insight into the “ghetto” mentality more than most people of my race. Time and again the stereotype is reinforced. My boss and the owner of the business is married. He has multiple girlfriends and pays their bills. It’s a status thing to him AND his friends that he can keep these girlfriends around and take care of them, without concern for his marriage. He gets “dap” every time he gets a “new one” and it’s a time for celebration. Don’t feed me some bullshit line about this being racist, or stereotypical, and call it some kind of exception. It’s common, celebrated by the men, and personally disgusting to me. Most women DO NOT want to put up with this. Most blacks will say he’s a discredit to his race/sex, but the simple fact is that it happens constantly, and just like racism, it’s going to take a long time to repair the damage done by men like him.’
‘ Matt
Race preferences when it comes to selecting a dating partner and life mate are not identical to racism. Given that this website provides individual details about each person that contacts you and you have the opportunity to know something about them, blanket racism does not exist perse. Individuals dating preferences and mate preferences are about individuals, some may be comfortable dating whomever others might not. But to make the statement that racism is alive and well based on dating behavior in a system where one is give personal information about the person other than their race is an oversimplification of the issue.’
‘ Anon
Am I racist because I don’t want to date someone who calls their friends “nigga” and their women “hos”? Am I racist because I want to be with someone who is college educated? Am I racist because I want to date a Catholic? Am I racist because I don’t like to listen to rap music?
In my life, I have only known one man of a minority who fits the description of what I like, and he was taken.
Sorry OKCupid, I refuse to believe I am racist. The blogs are full of accusations that your post proves racism is still alive and well. I would argue that it proves your questions are not specific enough to distinguish this as just a matter of preference. And despite whatever the blogs may say, preference IS NOT prejudice.
There is no affirmative action for dating. Thank God.’
Most of the posters(I’m presuming white) claim that it is a matter of ‘preference’. Most will pounce on a poster who identifies this ‘preference’ as racist whether implict or blatant. Many of the derailment arguments illustrated and commented upon in this blog are rampant in the responses on this OKCupid site. In fact these responses could be used in a guidebook for such. If they were honest they would actually admit that their preference is based on race, then examine why this is so. However, they choose to be in denial and take on a hostile and sarcastic tone when responding. I am not directing them to go out and commence an interracial relationship tomorrow. Just admit that your preferences are informed on the basis of race. They are totally unaware or wilfully blind. Sort of like an alcoholic denying they have a drinking problem.
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Yes Herenith,
It’s like a dog chasing its tail.
Like the white posters on this very blog, the white posters on OKCupid’s site display their racist attitudes while denying the existence of such feelings and thoughts.
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Just admit that your preferences are informed on the basis of race.
This.
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To: Joe Clyde
Actually, it seems the majority of women who responded to Black men were Black women. I think you’re looking at how Black men ranked with ALL the groups of women combined. I’m surprised Native American and Middle Eastern men reply the most to Black women.
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Also, I wonder how honest people are being about their ethnic backgrounds there.
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To: mynameismyname
My thoughts exactly, the virile black man is something that is definitely played up in todays media, but the thug, rapist garbage weighs heavy on people’s mind too apparently.
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To: Herneith
It’s never anything racist, regardless of the actual racist actions/statements made and to hell with anybody who calls them on it. I could be wrong but maybe Middle Eastern women are popular because many of them can now be safely classified as white?
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The picture at the top of the post is of Claudia Lynx, an Iranian model.
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Kinda looks like Angelina Jolie.
Her eyes are gorgeous.
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Right, Gen.
Aba (and others), what do you make of the results for black men? That is what surprised me the most. I have personally seen some black American men who felt that it was a “multi-culti buffet” when it came to women who were likely to be attracted to them.
I’m also surprised that most white women (in this study and multiple others) seem so fiercely devoted to their male counterparts but seem to date out more frequently?
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abagond,
There are BW/part BW who resemble the “middle-eastern” model in the pic above.
It always comes down to invented “racial categories” and ANTI-BW RACISM or ANTI-BW COWARDICE that explains why BW are treated in a discriminatory manner on dating sites/in the dating world.
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I was thinking the exact same thing laromana.. Though that picture doesn’t accurately reflect what Claudia (who by the way, has had a LOT of plastic surgery; find her before pictures if you want to see the true “beauty”; her eyes aren’t even naturally blue by the way). But from that picture of Claudia, she looks part Black.
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Melanie,
That is exactly why I didn’t join in the “Wow, she’s so beautiful” crowd with some of the other posters. She looks so unnatural.
That picture reflects better upon the airbrushing software used than that woman’s looks.
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Aba (and others), what do you make of the results for black men? That is what surprised me the most. I have personally seen some black American men who felt that it was a “multi-culti buffet” when it came to women who were likely to be attracted to them.
Remember having fewer replies is not the same as having no replies. The best reply rate gets 29 women versus 21 for the worst reply rate. An Indian man with “game” who turns half his replies into actual dates will be better off than a White man with awkward social skills who botches his only date out of the 29 initial contacts.
The “study” has too many holes in it to be taken seriously anyway. The least replied to woman (Black) has a higher reply rate than the most replied to man (White). Would anyone argue that Black women have it easier than White men in the dating/mating game in the real world?
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I would also assume any man (or woman) of any race who has a multicultural buffett would not need a dating site.
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She is very pretty in that picture, however natural it might be. I did notice that her eyes seem too light for someone from Iran. I also noticed that she does look kind of black, which probably at some level affected my decision to use it, though what I was looking for was a picture of a “hot Middle Eastern woman” to go with the first bullet.
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I did not expect black men to do that well – I have never bought into the whole mandingo thing or even the whole black-men-are-running-off-with-white-women thing – but less than a point away from Indian men at the bottom, that surprised me!
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She’s had surgery on her nose, but the eye color is real. There are pics of her as a child with that eye color.
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Aba,
Out of curiousity, why didn’t you expect black men to not fare well in such a study?
Lynx looks perfect in the above pic, hence unnatural-which come to find out, she is. (Not like that was a shock!)
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While the responders may not consider themselves racist, the tone of some their responses does convey racist sentiments. For eg, one guy states he works in a black owned business in the black community, so he has more insight into the “ghetto” mentality. Intriguing that being black is synonymous with being ghetto. Another states he/she wants to be with someone who is college educated, so one would infer that being black means uneducated.
So at the end of the day the racism does shine through. It would have just been easier to say, well I am attracted to so and so and that’s the type that I am most comfortable with that would have suffice. Black women and Asian men should just get together and call it a day.
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“Black women and Asian men should just get together and call it a day.”
lol
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LOL, Mabel.
Don’t mind me testing out my avatar…
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Hmm.. Didn’t work. Does it take a while to upload?
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Is that your eye, B&G? If it is, well, I think you have a pretty eye.
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Lol Leigh, the way you put it, I’m visualizing a cyclops 😛
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B&G makes for a pretty cyclops, no? 😉
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They just keep putting it down to preferences! A preference is preferring Belgian chocolate to Swiss or French chocolate. They don’t seem to realize that their preferences are informed by society at large,the ‘it’s just the way things are’ mantra. A person is influenced by their background, culture, familial ties, experiences and a series of other complexities that are numerous. You form a preference for objects or food not people. If you do have a preference for people based on race whether your own or others, there is something underlying involved. It’s not just that person’s appearance or cultural compatibility(another euphemism for race). It is not simply a matter of preferring hefty men to skinny men for example. Why do you prefer hefty men to skinny men?
What galls me are those who wish to reduce a person on the level of a food, piece of clothing, product etc. Examine why you have reduced people to a preference, as opposed to a human being. if you discover and admit to yourself ‘the whys’ of it accept this as a part of your make-up. If you are so inclined, try to change it. Stop lying to yourself that it is a preference it’s not in many cases it’s just plain racial bias under the veneer of ‘preference’. Stop lying because you are afraid of being labeled a racist, you probably are! This is like alcoholism. The recovering alcoholic attempts to find out why they became alcoholic. They search for the underlying reasons. White racism is like alcoholism. They say an alcoholic will remain so for the rest of their life even if they never take another drink. A white racist will also remain one for life, however, they will be considerably less racist if they accept and acknowledge that they are one. They may even start viewing racialized people as individuals as opposed to monolithic groups. I don’t expect that racism will be eradicated in my lifetime but having to deal with recovering racist is eminently preferable than dealing with those who are still in the throes of the ‘disease’ .
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So Herenith:
Even if people realize (the) “preferences informed by society at large” ordeal, and they still have a preference for one race over another, or 2 races over one, or all races except one, they’re still racist?
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Sorry…it’s Herneith (typos).
My apologies.
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That picture of her is photoshopped!
There is a video on youtube where you can see how she REALLY looks. Everyone was shocked btw.
I’ll find it and post it..
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I meant that picture posted with blue eyes. If you go to the video: Claudia Lynx in Legion of the Dead, you can see her pre surgery, and you can see her colour contacts clearly.
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I am referring to the white racism and the euphemisms they use for it, such as the word ‘preference’; the fact that they continuously lie to themselves in regards to their racism when responding to the study on this OkCupid blog. Almost to a person, they keep harping on the fact that they prefer their own race, is solely based on preference ie, skin tone hair texture etc. When called out by other posters for their viewpoint, they, in many instances become vituperative in tone. They put it down as ‘natural’ or as having no control over who they are ‘attracted’ to. They are either oblivious or intentionally obtuse to the ramifications of their reasoning. There is a disconnect here. They do-not see the connection between their ‘preferences’ and the complexities in society at large and how it influences them and their perspective, a consequence of colour blind racism I suspect. I also noticed that many of the posters responding were insulted at the insinuation that they were being racist, even though the authors of this study never made that claim outright. Why? A few were honest such as this poster:
‘ Dac88
All that this prove is that people universally see whites as more desirable. Its hypocritical for minorities to be offended at whites preferring whites when their underlying motivation is that they want to be with a white person as well.’
There were quite a few making bizarre arguments
: If I were a gay man, only willing to date other men, that wouldn’t mean I was sexist, merely that I’m only sexually attracted to men, and thus only want to date men.
or this one along a similar vein:
I’m not attracted to men, fat women, or old women either. Does that make me homoloathic? A fat-o-phobe? An age-o-phobe? I don’t know…you’ll have to talk to the guys back in the shop, because when I was made, that’s how I was programmed.
One of the posters rejecting their contentions that it is just a ‘preference’:
who makes this point:
4. Let’s call it like it is…are you willing for your children to be mixed? Why not? Can you not even wrap your head around the questions because of your “preference”?
The response to this study is rife with these and other arguments fo the I am not racist ilk. Very few argue to the contrary. The ones who do appear to be black and other racialized posters.
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Herneith Says,
What galls me are those who wish to reduce a person on the level of a food, piece of clothing, product etc. Examine why you have reduced people to a preference, as opposed to a human being. if you discover and admit to yourself ‘the whys’ of it accept this as a part of your make-up. If you are so inclined, try to change it. Stop lying to yourself that it is a preference it’s not in many cases it’s just plain racial bias under the veneer of ‘preference’. Stop lying because you are afraid of being labeled a racist, you probably are! This is like alcoholism. The recovering alcoholic attempts to find out why they became alcoholic. They search for the underlying reasons. White racism is like alcoholism. They say an alcoholic will remain so for the rest of their life even if they never take another drink. A white racist will also remain one for life, however, they will be considerably less racist if they accept and acknowledge that they are one. They may even start viewing racialized people as individuals as opposed to monolithic groups. I don’t expect that racism will be eradicated in my lifetime but having to deal with recovering racist is eminently preferable than dealing with those who are still in the throes of the ‘disease’
laromana says,
Herneith,
Excellent analysis of the brand of UNEXAMINED (ANTI-BW) RACISM hiding under the guise of “preferences” on this and MANY other “mainstream” dating sites.
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GucciMang
“I actually don’t care about the results. What I think is more pathetic is the responses here. Minorities give whites too much power. Who cares if they accept you or not? Why are you begging them to like you? No offense to white people, but for the most part, I find their look to be very plain and unappealing anyway so it baffles me when people are upset that white people are excluding them from dating. For me, I don’t generally find white women physically appealing so why would I care whether she screened me out or not because I’m a Black man? I wish more white boys around my campus didn’t find like Black women the way this internet thing says they don’t too because they are taking the best ones we got. I hate that a lot of brothas are begging white women to like them too because they mess the game up for me. Now every fat white chick thinks every brotha no matter how outta her league he is will give her a chance because a bunch of uncle toms walking around with their mind set on “anything white”.
But to keep it real, this isn’t racism and its silly to even bring up the word because racism carries far greater weight than me giving a crap or not whether a white girl wants to answer my message online. Racism is a systematic structure that is aimed at keeping whites on top and minorities, namely Blacks, at the bottom. It creates an unbalanced playing field, which has shet to do with who you prefer dating.”
This was a comment from the blog that i agreed with wholeheartedly! It’s so pathetic the commenst really. White people prefer each other (OMG, how horrible right?) And the minorities are upset about this because THEY themselves prefer White people, and they’re all, “What’s wrong with us that you don’t like us? You’re RACIST!” I
Uh, not really. Maybe the non-whites should start showing some self love, ala the White population. Are Whites really any better looking, smarter, better people than non-Whites? WHY for the love of God is everyone scrambling to date and marry them, and then gets all upset because they prefer to date themselves? And don’t the minorities see the hypocrisy of all of this? They want to date White people, yet they get upset when white people want to date white people. Why should whites be open minded to non-whites when they apparently have the “best” (that’s certainly how non-whites make it seem with this desire to want to date/marry them).
I’m just so sick of this white worshiping. Good god! And the one thing that annoys me is that my bf is white! I know it shouldn’t matter because i genuinely love him, and he loves me back, but i feel like i am part of the problem too because i too am a minority dating a white person!
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GucciMang spoke the truth.
Minorities do worship Whiteness too much. It’s pathetic.
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I agree. Minorities give white people to much damn power. And its all because of white media, and white publication. Its funny tho because, a lot of white people aren’t happy with themselves. And at the same time, secretely desire to look like others. Asian thing the sun rise and set in white people. The same is said about East Indians too. But if they only knew the TRUTH, maybe…just maybe…they would feel differently.
And that girl in the picture do look like she got some blackness in her. She’s pretty.
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But from that picture of Claudia, she looks part Black.
middle eastern isn’t a race, maybe she is part black and doesn’t know it. aren’t they a fusion o a bunch of different things? some arabs look white, some are darker than me..technically i think they’re classified as asian actually
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the middle easten doesn’t just mean arab either, it means persian, afghanistan,pakistan,israel, so ofcourse middle eastern isn’t a race
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that girl is persian, so she could be a fusion of things
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I honestly thought Black men and Asian women would be at the top of the list too. I guess really the only way black men can be on top of the list is only if he’s making the 6 figure to 7 figure salary.
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you know those from areas in N. africa are pretty much mixed africans, same with egyptians. i’m sorry but i’ve seen picture of little egyptian boy who was pale with light eyes and curly hair and my initial reaction when looking at it was i was seeing my mixed cousin or something, he looked very mixed to me, looked like he was coming from a european and african, but he was egyptian
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people have mistaken my father, a black american man for being saudi.(he’s lighter skinned and has dark curly hair and eyes)So i’d say definitely middle eastern is not a race, but an invented term because some of them can easily pass for being mixed-black and some of them can look as white as a white european of nordic descent
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you know what would be an interesting study if a racially ambiguous person of direct african descent and something else european, asian or whatever were to post a ad on a dating site with the same exact picture and attributes, the only thing they would change is the race and i’d be curious to see if the response rate would change that would be interesting
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@peanut.
I need to let you know that the notion you have of African features seems to be a little askew.
Before Africa was divided up into tiny little squares. The nation of Sudan stretched all the way from the South to the West.
What people regard as African features are a tiny subset of the broader african features.
I do not have a broad nose, I have a mixture of straight and curly hair, I have thin lips, small ears, my father has blue eyes.
I am a pure African. I am unmixed with any European blood and despite colonialisation can trace my roots a heck of a lot further back than most of the Europeans who exist within history pages.
Pure Africans have straight hair, blue eyes, green eyes, they can range from extremely light skinned (my mothers side) to dark skin.
Our features are vast and varied. The West really is a strange place for race relations and Africans. It’s stereotypical views on how Africans should look and not how we actually look, is extremely limiting and jsut bizarre.
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B&G makes for a pretty cyclops, no?
Thanks but I need to change that picture. It looks a bit freaky. I’m thinking maybe a black Schnauzer?
you know what would be an interesting study if a racially ambiguous person of direct african descent and something else european, asian or whatever were to post a ad on a dating site with the same exact picture and attributes, the only thing they would change is the race and i’d be curious to see if the response rate would change that would be interesting
I’ve actually thought about doing that, just for curiosity’s sake but my hubby said NO FREAKING WAY. Oh, well. It WOULD be an interesting experiment, wouldn’t it? I could put myself down for every group. It’d be fun.
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one doesn’t need to go that far as the dating site..
The experiment happens on the daily when you apply for a job via telephone and they approve until you turn up and they say ahhh didn’t realise you were black…
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@soul:
I need to let you know that the notion you have of African features seems to be a little askew.
This type of thinking is similar to that of people referring to Africa as a ‘country’. It’s hilarious to see their reactions when you remind that Africa is not a country. Some become angry and will claim they” know this”. When asked as to why they are referring to it as if it is a country they become increasingly flustered. When you ask them about the particular country or countries they are referring to, they cannot give an answer, or they speak about the current ‘hot spot’ in the news. I suspect they also think that all Africans conform to a certain phenotype. If they don’t, they must be ‘mixed’.
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Thank you so much Soul,
I have no clue why so many non-Africans seem to believe the opposite.
Mizriam,
I’m telling you! I assumed that black men would be near the upper tier of that study’s results. Not second to last. I guess money talks when it comes to black men and their interracial dating prospects.
Also, Middle Eastern is not a race. Like another poster pointed out, many North Africans are indeed mixed-race as are many in the Middle East. I can buy that Lynx has some sub-Saharan African blood. I wonder if the knowledge of such lineage, would affect the way that many white men would view her? Would she still be “so hot” if they knew she derives from Africa, as well?
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mynameismyname: same thing with adriana lima
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soul that’s true, but it doesnt change the fact that some people who actually think they’re a seperate race are mixed with african and dont’ know it. Like people forget that Nubia (black nubia) occupied egypt, so its likely that at the least the people were mixed, if not what people consider black.
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how bout this: http://mimimagazine.blogspot.com/2009/04/i-am-african-woman.html
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Yeah, Peanut,
Back in the late ’90s when Lima first emerged, I persumed her to be a black Brazilian on first sight. Then the more famous she became, the more ‘ethnicity ambigious’ she started looking. A strategy, perhaps?
Nubians are as “black” as you’re going to get. I don’t believe that they are mixed. At least not significantly. I could be wrong of course. They are the original people of Egypt though.
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@peanut…
I’ll try this again.
Egypt is in Africa, the people are African.
The Nubians were the dominant tribe of the time hailing mainly located in the Northern Sudan again Sudan is and was part of Africa.
As I mentioned earlier, Sudan stretched all the way to the Upper part of what is now known as West Africa, that includes the upper part of what is now known as Northern Nigeria and parts of Ghana including Chad e.t.c.
The features of Egyptians are African features because they are African, the features of Nubians and Sudaneese are African.
The features of Algerians are African as well.
Africans are not just dark with broad features. It is a stereotype.
People seem to forget that Egypt IS in Africa not the middle East.
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GucciMang
“I actually don’t care about the results. What I think is more pathetic is the responses here. Minorities give whites too much power. Who cares if they accept you or not? Why are you begging them to like you? No offense to white people, but for the most part, I find their look to be very plain and unappealing anyway so it baffles me when people are upset that white people are excluding them from dating. For me, I don’t generally find white women physically appealing so why would I care whether she screened me out or not because I’m a Black man? I wish more white boys around my campus didn’t find like Black women the way this internet thing says they don’t too because they are taking the best ones we got. I hate that a lot of brothas are begging white women to like them too because they mess the game up for me. Now every fat white chick thinks every brotha no matter how outta her league he is will give her a chance because a bunch of uncle toms walking around with their mind set on “anything white”.
I agree. Minorities give white people to much damn power. And its all because of white media, and white publication. Its funny tho because, a lot of white people aren’t happy with themselves. And at the same time, secretely desire to look like others. Asian thing the sun rise and set in white people. The same is said about East Indians too. But if they only knew the TRUTH, maybe…just maybe…they would feel differently.
Pretty much agree. These are excellent points. Why do we care so much what they desire and who they want to date/marry? I also wonder about their supposed superiority and I have met enough dumb a*s White people and have to wonder–why do we think they are so superior and why the scramble for them to see us as individuals and humans. Why is their look the standard and why do we care if some sub-par white men don’t pick you. A lot of them get off on all these races fighting over them anyway—so why is it so important.
I also wonder when their influence will lose power and they are no longer the desired group. I wonder if they will then accept the preference argument as a hard-wired.
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Abagond:
You should do a post on that interracial couple that was denied a marriage license by a white man.
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Louisiana couple I should mention.
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Here is a small excerpt from that story:
NEW ORLEANS — A Louisiana justice of the peace said he refused to issue a marriage license to an interracial couple out of concern for any children the couple might have. Keith Bardwell, justice of the peace in Tangipahoa Parish, says it is his experience that most interracial marriages do not last long.
“I’m not a racist. I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way,” Bardwell told the Associated Press on Thursday. “I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else.”
Bardwell said he asks everyone who calls about marriage if they are a mixed race couple. If they are, he does not marry them, he said.
Bardwell said he has discussed the topic with blacks and whites, along with witnessing some interracial marriages. He came to the conclusion that most of black society does not readily accept offspring of such relationships, and neither does white society, he said.
“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.”
If he did an interracial marriage for one couple, he must do the same for all, he said.
“I try to treat everyone equally,” he said.
Bardwell estimates that he has refused to marry about four couples during his career, all in the past 2 1/2 years.
Beth Humphrey, 30, and 32-year-old Terence McKay, both of Hammond, say they will consult the U.S. Justice Department about filing a discrimination complaint.
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I wholeheartedly agree with Guccimang’s and Mayhue’s posts. It bothers me as I’m sure many of you fine people out there how many minorities are looking for some validation, any validation, from people because they so happen to be white. It’s disturbing to say the least.
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Maximus, please tell me that that is a joke.
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B&G:
It’s sad but true.
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Guccimang and Mayhue got it right.
I, personally, never wanted to trade my life in with any white person I’ve ever known. Sure, they may have a systematic “advantage” due to their race but remember, privileges can be taken away.
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B&G:
Are you talking about the story?
Or the mentioning of abagond expounding a post for comments?
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Quotes like this:
“I have piles and piles of black friends.”
“I’m not a racist.”
“I just don’t believe in mixing the races that way.”
I believe I’ve heard these same excuses from somewhere….close by.
“I try to treat everyone equally.”
Apparently, in that quote he already shows the face of ignorance and the imbecile of what he is and does not realize.
It’s pure discrimination and still shows racism/bigotry/prejudice is still very much alive.
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But I must say:
He has his right for opinions and judgment.
He’s ONLY a Justice of the Peace. No different than a clergy man who has received his “certification” online through Cr@cker Jacks.
It’s his opinion and his prerogative to express it, that is after all what our country is built upon. Simply because you do not concur is no reason why he is wrong or you are right.
It’s a point of view.
You disagree with his.
He disagrees with yours.
For instance,
Each business owner is entitled to deny a customer for a number of personal reasons that have nothing to do with being fair to all.
That is just my opinion.
Yes it is discriminatory, but again he has that right….right in some eyes and wrong in others.
abagond: please delete the first one since I didn’t realize the word cr@cker would be edited.
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“There is a problem with both groups accepting a child from such a marriage,” Bardwell said. “I think those children suffer and I won’t help put them through it.”
It’s due to the narrow-minded thinking of this justice of the peace and people like him who make it difficult for these children.
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hey abagond
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@Maximus:
He has his right for opinions and judgment.
He’s ONLY a Justice of the Peace. No different than a clergy man who has received his “certification” online through Cr@cker Jacks.
It’s his opinion and his prerogative to express it, that is after all what our country is built upon. Simply because you do not concur is no reason why he is wrong or you are right.
If this Justice of the Peace is state certified, than he has to abide by the law. Interracial marriages are not illegal. It is not based on his personal ‘beliefs’. He is enforcing the law in whatever capacity his position calls for. I presume that one of them is to officiate at marriages, dispense marriage licenses amongst other duties. He may have all the beliefs he wants in his personal life but not as a state sanctioned official. And no, a store owner does not have the ‘right’ to refuse a customer for ‘personal’ reasons. He/she had better be able to explain themselves or they are opening themselves up to a law suit based upon civil rights laws in your country. It’s a question of separating one’s private views from their public employment etc.. Therein lies your freedom, in the private sphere, not the public one(schools, employment. Housing etc).
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Or explain why O.J. Simpson was denied service at a restaurant in Kentucky a few years back.
That could be labeled as “personal” reasons, yet no further action was taken upon the owner’s refusal to serve Simpson.
After all, Simpson “was” found “not” guilty for murder. (Roll eyes)
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hey abagond…
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In other words,
A store owner I believe has the right to do whatever the hell he chooses.
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@Maximus:
Or explain why O.J. Simpson was denied service at a restaurant in Kentucky a few years back.
Perhaps for these reasons [editor: CRP=Consumer Racial Profiling]:
Even in cases where it is obvious that an African-American customer was treated differently than a white counterpart, many victims of consumer discrimination are discouraged from bringing suit due to the financial and emotional costs involved in litigation and the inadequacy or uncertainty of relief awarded in these cases.63 Proving discrimination can be a challenge, given that plaintiffs are typically alone or only accompanied by close friends or relatives.64 Thus, there are rarely objective witnesses to CRP.65
Furthermore, potential plaintiffs may believe isolated incidents of CRP are not important enough to justify taking action.66The perception that CRP is insignificant may be caused, in part, by the federal courts’ failure to acknowledge that racial discrimination still exists in American society as a whole67 and in consumer settings in particular.68 In large measure, the federal courts have not credited CRP plaintiffs’ perception of events.69 They have imposed heightened pleading requirements on CRP plaintiffs, increased their evidentiary burdens, and “require[d] progressively higher culpability levels of civil rights defendants before affording a federal remedy.”70 Given the restricted [*PG15]reading of the law, it is not surprising that litigation is rarely employed in combating CRP.71
http://www.bc.edu/schools/law/lawreviews/meta-elements/journals/bctwj/23_1/01_TXT.htm
Perhaps he couldn’t afford to after loosing most of his wealth? I believe that ‘The right to Refuse Service, is for dress codes, coming into a restaurant bare footed, bringing animals in with you(no, not a date), someone has had too much to drink, the venue is at capacity, customers who arrive with large groups that are just sitting in keeping the person actually eating ‘company’, arriving at closing time or the kitchen being closed, not buying anything, a customer who comes in who has poor hygiene(extreme body odour, excessive filth, the safety and well-being of the other customers. Yes a reason has to be given, if the person chooses to lodge a complaint. You can’t arbitrarily throw someone out for no expressed reason. A lot of people don’t complain due to the first two paragraphs above. It is also hard to compile stats on these incidences as most of these situations are transitory in nature.
Perhaps the restaurateur kicked him out based on the fact that he was notorious and it may have affected his business if the patrons left. In any case Simpson, while alleging racial discrimination, decided not to sue. Besides, he would have had to prove that he was thrown under one of the proscribed grounds in the Civil Rights Act. Each state may also choose to expand these types of laws by enacting additional laws. It may vary state to state.
http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/18634592/
CRP=Consumer Racial Profiling
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Yes, Peanut, what is it?
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White women do not particularly appeal to me either. I have no burning desire to date them or anything. But what white people do and think does matter if you live in a country where most people are white.
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Herneith:
Thank you for those examples of blind racism that you quoted from OkCupid.
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mynameismyname:
I did not think black men would do well because:
1. In my experience serious relationships between black men and white women are the exception and not the rule. Maybe I travel in the wrong circles. Black women and white men, however, play them up because of their insecurities.
2. A big part of what puts black women at the bottom is racism. That same racism affects black men too even if it is to a lesser degree.
3. White women keep to their own and Asian women are hardly huge fans of black men. So who does that leave to bring up the average?
Even so, I thought they would do much better than Asian men!!!
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why do african american people feel the need for validation and acceptance by european people. in west africa were im from beauty is seen purely by features and bone structure not by hair texture ,skin colour or eye clour even in most west african countries caucasian features are seen as ugly and undersirable. why do black people in the so called northern hemisphere allow themselves to be dictated to about what is desirable. simply one mans meat is anothers poison.
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@abagond:
White women do not particularly appeal to me either. I have no burning desire to date them or anything. But what white people do and think does matter if you live in a country where most people are white.
Exactly! My sentiments exactly. White men do not particularly appeal to me. My bone of contention derives from the fact that they hold themselves to be superior and in the process debase, denigrate, humiliate with their supposed preferences, mainly black people and other racialized people. When reading this OKCupid blog, many of the posters ascribe stereotypes, claim that they are not ‘attracted’ to black features etc. And get this, they manage to say these things(most anyway) without coming out and stating that they just find black features to be ugly, a juggling act if I ever saw one. By characterizing their disdain for black features as a preference, they think they are pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes, maybe they are for some. However, begging for these white people’s attention is just plain pitiful. Based upon the responses to this OKCupid study it is apparent that they hold blacks and other racialized people in low esteem, there in lies the problem, not so much so who these white posters wish to reply to or eventually hookup with. It appears that the posters who argue against them are trying to convince them that this is not so, and they, the whites are racially biased.. It would also appear that the white posters are not open to listening to their views as they would have to brand themselves as racist! It is emblematic of society at large. Otherwise, I don’t care who people choose to hook up with. Just be honest with yourself, don’t insult and denigrate another group in the process. In general, I don’t really care what most whites think in regards to them validating me. Living in a predominately white country has induced this type of philosophy for myself; The only validation I require from a white person, is that they sign my paycheck and make sure it is deposited into my account every two weeks. If they manage to screw this up, then validation be damned. In a predominantly white country however, how you are perceived in society at large will effect your lifestyle, income, social interactions etc., so in that respect one has to be aware of what it is that white people think of your group. Woe betide to those who don’t.
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@Abagond & Herneith
Ditto.
Funny thing, I followed a trackback from this blog to Alvanista where they were talking about this.
I made a comment and stated quite clearly that I don’t date white guys. Nothing wrong, I just haven’t really met a white guy that does it for me, there’s simply no attraction there.
Yet it seemed to fly over the head of a commenter that. His following comment just read as bizarre.
This is why this whole, what white men like or black women that white men like or whatever kinda amuses me.
I really don’t care what they like, because I’m not into them. All this, ohh we don’t know how to approach black women, maybe if black women did this.. or did that.
White men starting blogs instructing black women how to behave so that they can approach us.
Not once do any of these white blog owners even consider the fact that they are unattractive to black women.
It’s ridiculous.
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Not once do any of these white blog owners even consider the fact that they are unattractive to black women.
I’m sure Cless is aware of the fact that not every woman on the planet, whatever her race, is scrambling for him.
However I agree that some posters and bloggers would be surprised to find out that not everyone is scrambling for a “white man, any white man”. It’s sort of the shock white women go through when they encounter a black man who isn’t interested in them.
For what it’s worth my sister really doesn’t know what I see in them. She’s dated a grand total of one white guy in her life and even he was an Italian who was darker than her.
On the other hand, there are a substantial (and growing) number of BW who do find WM attractive and they might find these conversations more interesting and less ridiculous than you do.
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Do you like my new avatar? I’m thinking Schnauzer is a variety of German dogs (I used to own one) and a black one… well it just seemed to fit.
Before any jokers are tempted: no, I don’t look like that.
At least the cyclops is gone. That was slightly disturbing to look at, wasn’t it?
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@soul:
Not once do any of these white blog owners even consider the fact that they are unattractive to black women.
But they’re white! That’s enough isn’t it?
You know you waant them! LOL.
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hey B&G…
I’m sure Cless is aware of the fact that not every woman on the planet, whatever her race, is scrambling for him.
Actually I wasn’t referring to Cless at all. The only reason I was aware of him, was because I followed a trackback from the a post over here at Abagond’s.
I posted on the thread because I found it a lil ridiculous that someone was quoting a poll of 2,500 as representative of the entire US.
But then I’m not surprised. People use the most ridiculous and flawed data to represent their views.
I also wasn’t surprised about the projection of some of the commenters and the adhominem attack which followed.
B&G, I don’t suffer fools and when I read the statement ‘white American women are spoiled’ blah blah blah and that’s why they want to date black women.. I call FOUL!
These men are simply not enough for their white women, they are scared and intimidated and unable to deal with the fact that in this day and age women are not under their thumb.
Of course they find black women attractive, like I’ve said before… (pretty much all men do), but these white men have also seen the way the west has largely demoralised black women and they are hoping that they can use stupid reverse psychology to worm their way into black womens panties. They see us as easy pickings. They are soo steeped in their superiority that they can’t even process the fact that their are black women who do not want them.
That’s why they keep going on about black women should lower their standards.. i.e. chase them, or come on to them first.
Look I’ll tell you right now, any man who tries to date you on the back of denigrating another woman is a jerk and not worthy of your time.
Because when they are done with you, they’ll talk about you in the exact same way.
In anycase, there are a few other blogs out there run by white men and a few blogs these white guys contribute to which say the same things.
That was what I was referring to.
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I agree with everything that Herneith said in comment #80 (her last long one, about the paycheck, etc).
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@Herneith…
You know when all someone has to bring to the table is thier skin colour.. you gotta look at them crossed eyed. lol
Seriously, I’m fed up of all these..
‘White men that like black women’ (who cares), ‘why white men don’t marry black women’ (who the hell cares)
The majority of black women simply don’t find whit emen attractive.
We are the ones who should be cherry picking from their midst not the other way around.
Some of these white men are trying to be soo smooth, but they are simply fetishizing us. and I ain;t falling for it.
It fills me with absolute disgust.
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@soul:
Just give me my paycheck regularly, They can fetishize me from afar! LOL.
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lol… true.
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B&G, I don’t suffer fools and when I read the statement ‘white American women are spoiled’ blah blah blah and that’s why they want to date black women.. I call FOUL!
Of course, I agree. The one doesn’t follow the other. Either you like black women or you don’t like them. They shouldn’t be second-choice. And no misogynists, please.
These men are simply not enough for their white women, they are scared and intimidated and unable to deal with the fact that in this day and age women are not under their thumb.
I’d be careful here.
You are assuming that your average American white woman is in an emotional state which would make her an acceptable marital partner. This has nothing to do with being “under someone’s thumb” but it has to do with recognizing the sanctity of marriage and the role of a wife in such a marriage. Marriage is the ultimate partnership and it requires great sacrifice and maturity. I’d argue that many American white women ARE NOT UP TO THAT TASK.
There is a small group of WW in my church that are decent wives and mothers (and who I get along with very well and whose company I greatly enjoy) but most of the other playgroups contain women who are full of nothing but disdain for their husbands and who speak about them as if they are the grime under their feet.
Now note: these are playgroups that take part during the day. In other words, these are stay-at-home mothers whose husbands are working their butts off (sometimes 2 jobs!) to provide for their families so that they can have the luxury of caring for their own children.
These women have ridiculed me for:
1) admitting to having sex with my husband (this is apparently a treat that I should reserve for good behavior, as if he was a dog),
2) cooking and baking for my family,
3) dressing the way he prefers, (I only wear clothes that I like but I wear the ones he likes best more often)
4) putting my career on the back-burner and investing heavily in his,
5) dressing neatly and wearing minimal makeup even when I’m not planning to leave the house,
6) asking his opinion and advice on major decisions,
7) not threatening to leave him over every little stupid disagreement,
8 ) or nagging at him when he walks through the door every evening.
Basically: acting like a decent wife.
I have been absolutely SHOCKED by what these women have the gall to say about the men who are the fathers of their children and loving husbands. It’s like feminism’s evil twin, or something. Women of my mother’s generation wouldn’t have said something like that out of simple respect for their husbands.
And these same stupid women are so lame as to ask me how I “trained my husband”. Why is he so attentive? Why does he rush home and want to spend all of his time with his family? Why is he such an involved father? Why, why, why? All I can say is, “What goes around, comes around.”
It’s truly sickening and is a reason why (other than that small group and a few carefully selected others including my best friend) I avoid WW here and spend most of my time with other women of color. We are not less free or more submissive than those others but we simply recognize the importance of our marriages and believe in exerting effort to sustain those marriages.
I know I’ve gone off on a tangent here, but it’s a total sore point with me.
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Most German women would be ABSOLUTELY APPALLED by the level of quality you find among the WW here. Completely disgusted.
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B&G..
I meant what I said..
These women are not growing up in a vaccuum and neither are black women.
Let’s remember that the blog we are talking about specifically state dthat the black women he referred to were more ‘American’.
Look I will guarenttee you that if you hung out with some black middle class women you will find exactly the same attitudes.
isn’t that what some black men complain about with regards to black women.
Many middle class peoople marry because that’s what they are supposed to do, they don’t love each other.. the men they are complaining about are gathered in groups clomplaining about their wives in much the same language.
They are too busy chasing money to keep up with the joneses that the couple has lost sense of togetherness.This cuts across racial barriers.
Are black women possibly slightly more eager to stick with their man and try to build something.. probably. But this in itself is due to the overwhelming devastation that white people seem to have recked in our personal history. We are more acutely aware of how easy it is to decimate family, and we are more eager to hold on to and think more about the group than the individual. (and even that is changing)
If white women have a certain ethos/value system which is unique to them, then it stands to reason that it is a sense of value or a sense which white men have helped to create.
When a white man talks about white women in such tones as to imply their entire soul is dirt. Then one really need to know that man has problems
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When a white man talks about white women in such tones as to imply their entire soul is dirt. Then one really need to know that man has problems
Yes, of course. No women-haters get sympathy from me. And the pure bitterness they exhibit is breathtaking.
But I do think that this is a cultural problem that is more prevalent among white women (and the lower and upper classes are not exempt). It’s a general feeling of entitlement that is so all-encompassing that they feel that all others on the planet (their own children and BW included) should be catering to their whims. The arrogance is shocking.
Many middle class people marry because that’s what they are supposed to do, they don’t love each other.. the men they are complaining about are gathered in groups clomplaining about their wives in much the same language.
If only that were true. Then it would be a simple case of same-with-same and my sympathies would be reduced. Actually my husband has met many of these men and spent time with them and they do not complain about their wives like this. They don’t expect better treatment. In other words, they think this is what marriage is like. They’re baffled (and envious) of why my husband is so happy.
I do not think the difference between a happy marriage and one of these farces is love. At least not in the sense of goo-goo-eyed infatuation. Rather the difference is in how one views the marriage itself, the contribution and treatment of the partner stems directly from this view. I am not always melting at the sight of my husband but I do not treat him how I feel I treat him how it is appropriate to treat him to show him the respect I feel for his role as my husband and my children’s father. Basing your treatment on your feelings is immature, at best.
We are more acutely aware of how easy it is to decimate family, and we are more eager to hold on to and think more about the group than the individual. (and even that is changing)
I hope it doesn’t change. You should see these men, Soul. It’s absolutely devastating. I have a son and the mere suggestion that he might end up with one of these women turns my stomach. It’d be better to stay alone.
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“white women will walk in front of me and expect to be served first”
OMG!! I had this happen to me TWICE last week. They just straight-up pushed me aside and ordered ahead of me. Luckily, the clerks corrected them on this but the women acted all snobby about it. Sighing and carrying on about how they are “so busy”.
Prima donnas.
I see it alot while shopping in victoria’s secret, white women stare at me like they think lingerie is only for whites.
Ditto here. Luckily I live near Baltimore. There are lingerie stores there with black employees.
We just got hit with a huge bill from our gold-plated insurance company today. Take me back to Bavaria, PLEASE! I feel like I’m at the end of my nerves.
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Don’t you love when you go to a store and are looking around and the clerks ignore you but RUSH OVER when a white woman enters the room? As if their money is worth more, or something.
Abagond: shopping while black, please!
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@ B&G:
Yeah, I find that to be true. I don’t know how many times I’ve gone into a store, and the clerks overlook me and head straight to WW/WM asking if they need any assistance.
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First of all, I’m a BW. This is my first time posting on your blog abagond. I find the blog very interesting. I would like to make some comments regarding remarks made by Soul and Herneith. The common description is that you women are ‘race woman’. I do not encourage black women to be ‘race woman’, who are constantly talking about and focussed on race. You can affirm your race without being obsessive. However if this is your choice then go for it. However, I think Your feelings are stepped in ‘in-group symbolism’ which you hold tight to and feel should have profound meaning to everyone. Its one of those statements/comments that black women put out there and think that they are so profound but really they say nothing if you look past the reverence they are supposed to generate in us. Indeed, their power lies only in the fact that the person spouting them expects the listener to bow their heads in deep reverence to the sacred symbols of the race contained. I mean really, what does it mean that you don’t find white men attractive? I know that black women are suppose to read these statements within an ‘altered’ state of religious fervor for our race and get the deeper menaings, but without being assisted by altered state, such statements really have no inherent sense and are not as self-explanatory as you think!
For Soul and Herneith, just racial understanding is key. To me this is just very narrow. You can imagine how many things a woman can be which have little to do with race, and even if they do at points intersect with the reality of race, it is not exactly that frequent.
A woman can be a botanist, who likes rock and reads John Grisham and Maya Angelou. She can come from a large family and be a mother of two. She might have a long term illness, attend the methodist church, be a size 10 and be a vegan and she is also black. Now in this just very simplified picture of all that a woman can be, I see a dozen areas for ‘understanding’ and awareness arising for any prospective partner, areas where race doesnt even come into it.
In addition, you seem to be saying that it is impossible for white people to develop race understanding.
Your comments also lie on the bed of the assumption that understanding another racially means automatic commitment to working with them. But what of those who pretty much understand the black woman’s life but it doesn’t make them anymore caring towards her or make them want to lighten her load (ask the average black woman if she recieves help from her black male counterpart) or worst, what of a situation where that understanding becomes a ready weapon in the hands of others.
I am not surprised that BW like you two ladies do not find WM attractive after everything you feel. Ruminating on the negative of any group will block out any possible attraction (basic psychology which doesn’t require any pavlovian experiment).
You are indeed no different from white men who have issues with dating black women from negative stereotypes and racist reasons, though I daresay you will rationalize your own sentiments by using some black moral justification.
I was never made to feel guilty for being attracted to men of other races.
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Co-sign Ruby.
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GREAT post Ruby!
That was refreshing to see that not “ALL” people think white men are “this” or “that”, or they are too ignorant to see or too ignorant to want to understand what they believe.
I validate my point that blacks can be prejudice as well. I am and I admit to it. Ashamed? Yes. I only get hammered because I am white. If I was black, it would be acceptable thinking.
I certainly don’t think all blacks are ghett0, (yes some are that stereotypical prototype, but whites & Hispanics fit in there as well).
I have mental disfiguration at times when I classify certain folks. At least I can admit my wrongs in hopes of making them right.
Thanks again for sharing!
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@B&G.
Could you clarify your position please?.
Despite all the other posts that Herneith and I have made on this blog, with all the usual disclaimers.. do you indeed believe that We are both erm…(‘race women’) according to ruby’s definition (sorry, I simply find the definition hilarious).
Do you also think we are ‘obssessed’ with our race? (holy camoly!, I’ve never been accuseed of being obsessed with the black race before)
cos, the only thing we seem to have disagreed on within my post is that white women are NOT inherently sullied. Which is the claim that was made be some white men on that other blog.
In fact isn’t this what we are deabating right now? with you tipped heavily in favour of white women are sullied?
Whilst I am stating that any man whjo feels the need to denigrate another woman in order to prove how much he likes you is weak and a loser?.
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@ruby…
Nope. You are wrong.
This post is about race. It is impossible to respond to a post about race without talking about race.
I have no problem with inter-racial dating as I’ve stated over a gazillion times.
But I think it’s hilarious that you think I’m obsessed with black race because I personally, do not find white men attractive? how ridiculous is that?. It simply doesn’t make sense.
I think, you are reaching.
I especially know you are reaching, when a white man who said he wanted to beat the black off a black woman and invited her to a visit a racist website so he could have a ‘fair chance at having a go at her’ agrees with you.
So, becaause I don’t have a preference for white men, this means I am obsessed with black men. I think your premise is ridiculous.
I don’t discourage people from dating anybody. I encourage everyone to date people who respect them and love them and are interested in their welfare. However it seems that because I personally don’t find white men attractive, you are having a go because you’ve bought into that silly group think
The ‘if you don’t do it, you must be against it’.
It’s funny, Abagond made the same statement about white women (in so many words) why not include him in our group?
The fact is many black women are falling for some dodgy white guys because they are denigrating white women and feeding you BS lines.
My premise is, that a real man doesn’t need to do this.
I am not going to buy into that silly group think. When a white man describes white women are ‘sullied’ and thinks black women should take that as a compliment, any woman in their right mind should run away from him.
If white women are soo sullied… who sullied them?
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“I especially know you are reaching, when a white man who said he wanted to beat the black off a black woman and invited her to a visit a racist website so he could have a ‘fair chance at having a go at her’ agrees with you.”
Yes, I said that. Call me out by name, don’t beat around the bush. I don’t think she would have a clue to who you we’re referring to without mention.
I clarified that post so she knows “exactly” who said that. I made a mistake by saying that. I am apologetic. Not to you, but to those who accept, if any. I don’t expect you to, I don’t care if you do.
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@ruby:
what does it mean that you don’t find white men attractive?
It means I don’t find most white men attractive. However I do find North American black men, Caribbean men, Asian men, Native men attractive, I am am attracted to lots of men. White men are not at the top of my list that’s all. Most women are attracted to men, but what informs that attraction? There are myriad and complex reasons for this.
who are constantly talking about and focussed on race.
This particular topic is about race, in particular the results of an online dating service drawing on a million people’s ‘actions not their words’ If the post was on Ancient Egypt, computers, chocolates, history in general, and the responses were just as numerous, I would be responding frequently to those as I would greatly enjoy exchanging information on those subjects. However, this topic is not on any of the above. Funnily enough, these race topics seem to get the most responses. That is telling in of itself. I would be ecstatic if there was a post on Ancient Egypt with hundreds of responses for example, in order to glean and exchange information from others as well as their opinions. Many of the posts for which I would actually take a greater delight in responding to, do-not garner many responses. Am I to be an audience of one in that respect? Many of these topics for which to facilitate interaction with anyway, as they have hardly if any responses at all . So no, I am not ‘obsessed’ with race. I will state my opinions though for that is what they are. People can choose to agree or disagree which I am sure many have. No big deal.
However, I think Your feelings are stepped in ‘in-group symbolism’ which you hold tight to and feel should have profound meaning to everyone.
No actually, I don’t. This is a blog, any opinion posted here is just that. I don’t think most would derive any sense of profundity from any replies. They will either agree or disagree and post a response to that effect. I am only an individual, an anonymous one. Not a Pied Piper leading black women to shed their attractions to white men or to cause them to be guilty if they are in a relationship or married to one. That’s none of my business. If you are happy, than I am happy for you, really, I am not being sarcastic. My bone of contention, and I will reiterate it again, is the aversive racism that permeates society and has, or can have, a deleterious effect on myself and fellow blacks. Who someone is attracted to and marries is low on my list of concerns. As for helping other black women I do so quite frequently and no, it is not to discourage them from marrying white or other non-black men. That’s their business as I said before. I just hope these men as with any other is treating them as they deserve to be treated, in a respectful, loving manner as all black women deserved to be treated. I am just not attracted to most white men. Besides, it isn’t only myself and Soul who make observations, why single us out? Go to other race based topics and you will see what I mean.
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@Maximus:
I clarified that post so she knows “exactly” who said that. I made a mistake by saying that. I am apologetic. Not to you, but to those who accept, if any. I don’t expect you to, I don’t care if you do.
You say you don’t expect others to accept your apology for that statement you made regarding the person in question. And that you don’t care if they did, then why would anyone else accept your apology? It wasn’t directed towards them.
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I didn’t say “others”. I said “you” as in reference to Soul. When I say I don’t “expect” them as in “anyone” on this blog to accept my apology, it is completely understandable.
I already “know” (in apparently being noted) soul does and will not accept my apology. Otherwise, it wouldn’t have been brought up.
I stated I am apologetic for stating that. I know soul will not accept my apology, but to issue an apology to those who were offended by such a statement, whether it was directed towards them or not.
All in all:
1. I made that statement.
2. I admitted it was wrong.
3. I apologized (to whomever it affected, in direct reference to them or not).
4. I noted soul was not accepting (in reference to it being brought up) of my apology.
5. I said “I don’t expect you to, I don’t care if you do. In reference to soul. It doesn’t affect me if she accepts or not. As long as what is typed is readable, I will leave it at that.
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I don’t think anyone here is advocating genuflecting to the altar of Black Love and Black community or trying to force or shame other Black women who are open to other races to consider only Black men. However the numbers for a dating website that supposedly draws a more progressive crowd reaffirmed dating concerns for Black women who may be open to other races. The OK Cupid clearly wanted to discuss race by posting that in the first place, and discussing racial issues and dating preferences is not out of bounds for this site. That is the point of this site, especially when the blog owner has expressed very strong views on race in the past. There were many comments that were in fact racist and cruel against Black people being undesirable on the Ok Cupid post, yet with the exception of Henerith highlighting these comments, some seemed more offended by what Soul and Henerith stated about their preferences.
Of course, I understood henerith and Souls comments as questioning why White men specifically are the default preference no matter what the race and why do many races contort themselves into knots for a race of people that uses privileges etc to accentuate their superiority. It is valid point that all people of color have been struggling since being enslaved or colonized by White/European people. I have questioned this presumption up thread myself as to why we put so much stock in being accepted by Whites. Yet the data show that with the exception of Asian and Middle Eastern Women on the Ok Cupid site, Whites overwhelmingly prefer their own whereas (and this data can be found on Wiki and the census data), other races put in more effort to contact White then whites to the opposite. In fact many Whites on that thread were proud to state that they prefer to date other White people and felt persecuted because of that. In fact people of Color are less likely to contact each other but they are more eager to contact someone white. That also bears exploration as to why this is the case. Racialisous did a post on this and there were several black women on that thread who lamented their invisibility and felt that race was a factor as to why they were not seen as individuals. Since men typically initiate contact for a date, it stands to reason that Black women would question their desirability and wonder why Whites and non-blacks don’t answer them. Are they racist or wallowing in self pity and victimhood.
If people on this thread can discuss how horrible, entitled and cr*ppy wives American White women are, then why is it now considered a hate site when the position of American White men is questioned. The last time I checked, White men have been the harbingers of the modes, rules, and laws that upheld slavery, Jim Crow, miscegenation laws, Eugenics, IQ stats among others as a means to denigrate Blacks. Their part in this racial construct is directly tied into Black people who want to be part of America , yet are often relegated to second class citizens, in their work, dating and married lives. Again this bears exploration and if it scares people away, again, I wonder why with all these threads discussing racism—why are the IR post all of sudden seen as offensive.
Again no one here is persecuting Black women or otherwise who want to date out. Four black people on this site stated that they prefer to date within their own group. And then there was speculation as to why they are the default choice. Yet Whites overwhelmingly prefer their own with Asians being a distant second. So if discussing the data and using personal experiences and preference is somehow forcing someone to change their preferences through some Jedi Mind trick –then what pray tell is the point of this post or this entire blog.
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@Mayhue and Herneith..
You guys both said it far better than I could or indeed had the patience to.
It’s curious, some White men refuse to even acknowledge that black women don’t find them attractive (in public that is) and now black women seem to be wagging fingers at us because we don’t.
I’ve stated many times on this site and to one B&G, that if anyone dared to say any untowards thing to her about her personal choice then I will definitely speak up.
I respect her choice (why shouldn’t I) there is nothing wrong with it. I have no problem with inter-racial dating, I am not against it.
I am just not personally attracted to white men. I haven’t met or socialised with any white man that and wanted to take it any further, there hasn’t been that spark. so (shrugging shoulders) that’s it.
It’s hilarious that someone then comes on this site in the middle of a topic about race and declares that we are bitter because we don’t personally find white men attractive.
It’s funny, but since when did stating that you are fed up white talking about ‘what white men like, why white men don’t marry black women’ and a whole host of topics which are really about what white men want… become obsessed with black group symbolism.
Ruby’s post was a nonsense and it was reaching and seems to be steeped in that same group think she accuses of being in.
The one where if you don’t find white men attractive and want to date them… then you must hate them and you are a ‘race ninja’
Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?
What nonsense
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Soul:
“It’s curious, some White men refuse to even acknowledge that black women don’t find them attractive (in public that is) and now black women seem to be wagging fingers at us because we don’t.”
I can acknowledge that I know not all black women are attracted to white men. I don’t waste my time worrying about it. It wouldn’t make any sense whatsoever for “all” of them to be.
Hell, not all white women are attracted to some white guys. Not all Asian women are attracted to Asian men. Not all Hispanic ladies are attracted to Hispanic men.
That’s kinda like human nature. We all know what we want and what we are naturally attracted to.
So what if not all black women are attracted to white guys. I don’t think white guys are sweatin’ nuts over that fact. Most don’t care anyways since whites stay with whites when all is said and done.
Blacks stay with blacks when all is said and done.
Asians stay with Asians when all is said and done.
Hispanics stay with Hispanics when all is said and done.
“Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?”
Why?
Why are you asking the very question your questioning?
Why ARE you worrying? Why are you here questioning why white guys do this? Why white guys do that?
Why white guys are this? Why white guys are that?
Why do you care so much?
Why are you asking about being concerned on what they want?
Why does this bother you?
Why are you constantly questioning what white guys are doing if you say “Why must I worry about what white men want?”
Why? Why? Why?
I really don’t know why(?). I am interested to know why(?) your concerned when you explain why(?) you shouldn’t worry.
Are you contradicting yourself?
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@B&G…
Yes I know some white women act of line but White men do it to.
And again, white women don’t just grow up with a sense of entitlement in a vaccuum.
If a white man can say that white women are sullied, one must ask him who sullied them. And if he is responsible for it and is bailing out on his mess then he is no good because he would sully you too and bail out on you. It is disgraceful that any white man could make those statements and think ohhhh that would make these black women like me.
No quality man of any race will use the denigration of other women as a pick up line to date you.
This is no different from the excuse which some black men feed to white women. Black women are too strong, don’t cook, are too focused, don’t make me feel like a man, they are too goal getting, they don’t want to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…
It’s a nonsense and any white woman who falls for it only has herself to blame when she discovers what a dolt she has fallen for.
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No maximus.
You just don’t have the power of comprehension.
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I have comprehension. I questioned you but I didn’t receive answers.
It’s okay. I don’t expect answers because maybe the “power of comprehension” isn’t on your side either.
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This is one of the reasons why I don’t usually address you.
The questions are rhetorical.
My lack of romantic interest in white men is viewed by Ruby as a symbolic…..whatever the heck she typed in all that nonsense.
Do forgive me, for actually presuming that YOU are smart/intelligent to recognise rhetorical questions especially when it is surrounded by the appropriate context to which it has been applied.
This is why I find it tedious to engage you. You seem to like playing/acting wilfully obtuse.
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I have to agree with Soul, Mayhue and Herneith. It’s not like this is a discussion about water treatment plants and someone turned it into a race issue, come on. Did this Ruby person take a gander at the topic at hand and even the OkCupid stats before she started in on anyone. Simply because one doesn’t find common Caucasian features to be particularly appealing doesn’t necessarily make one some kind of race warrior. Personally the features I like are found in..well pretty much Herneith’s list (Black, Asian, Native American) hey Viggo Mortensen is a fine male specimen but I’d uppercut him to get to Idris Elba or Takeshi Kaneshiro) Thats just how I rolls lol.
Unconditional affection is a scarce thing, if you find it, thats great, count yourself lucky, I can’t hate on that. I just find it funny how nowadays minorities who reject white washed ideals and have any sense of solidarity with each other are seen as unfair, as if we are all now on level grounds. I know some people don’t like making waves but gimme a damn break.
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oh…
and another reason why your questions don’t get answered is because your questions try to set an Agenda.
You make false ascertations, or make statements that I didn’t make. Why should I respond to it?
Before I respond to your questions why don’t you prove that I actually did what you are saying?.
I’ll actually I’ll make you a list from your list.
Why are you asking the very question your questioning? – Read ruby’s post, mine references hers and thus the context is her post. As stated the questions are obviously rhetorical and are asked in order to make her think about her premise
Why ARE you worrying? – I am not. Please prove that I am, feel free to reference any statements (in context) which imply I am.
Why are you here questioning why white guys do this? – I am not. I did not. please prove I did
Why white guys do that? – I am not. I did not, please prove that I did
Why white guys are this? – I am not, I did not. Prove it
Why white guys are that? – I am not. Prove it
Why do you care so much? – I care about black women ebing denigrated, becasue shock horror! I am one. My concern is not white men, it is black women.
Why are you asking about being concerned on what they want? – I am not. Prove it
Why does this bother you? – Why does what bother me. be specific. I am concerned about white men denigrating black women because I am a black women. simple.
Why are you constantly questioning what white guys are doing if you say “Why must I worry about what white men want?” – Prove it. Prove that I am ‘comstantly questioning what white men are doing without it being connected to the denigration of black women. Just prove it. Quote me, but please prove it
Why? Why? Why?
I really don’t know why(?). I am interested to know why(?) your concerned when you explain why(?) you shouldn’t worry. – Again, prove your ascertations. If you want to ask me a question based on anything I have said.. that’s fair enough. But if you ask me a question based on your presumptions and an obvious attempt to set an agenda.. I’ll simply move on.
How can one answer a question which implies something that one hasn’t said. It is a ploy used to put people on the defensive.
Like someone who says.. oh I don’t like butter.
Then you ask… why are you soo concerned about butter, why are you constantly talking about butter, why do you care soo much about butter? why are you soo concerned that someone else said that black women like butter?.
It’s a nonsense question which ignores the fact that the person already said they don’t like butter. It comes from a place of being utterly unable to fully comprehend and just accept that some people don’t like butter.
And it’s obvious from the question that.. the person asking it has chosen to make your simply statement and make a mountain out of it.
that seems to be your Modus Operandi, and that’s why I don’t indulge you. However I do take on board what Abagond said recently, their are people reading who sometimes would like to see comments like yours fleshed out and challenged for what they are.
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Gen Says:
I have to agree with Soul, Mayhue and Herneith. It’s not like this is a discussion about water treatment plants and someone turned it into a race issue, come on. Did this Ruby person take a gander at the topic at hand and even the OkCupid stats before she started in on anyone. Simply because one doesn’t find common Caucasian features to be particularly appealing doesn’t necessarily make one some kind of race warrior. Personally the features I like are found in..well pretty much Herneith’s list (Black, Asian, Native American) hey Viggo Mortensen is a fine male specimen but I’d uppercut him to get to Idris Elba or Takeshi Kaneshiro) Thats just how I rolls lol.
Unconditional affection is a scarce thing, if you find it, thats great, count yourself lucky, I can’t hate on that. I just find it funny how nowadays minorities who reject white washed ideals and have any sense of solidarity with each other are seen as unfair, as if we are all now on level grounds. I know some people don’t like making waves but gimme a damn break.
I wholeheartedly agree with you, Gen. Every word.
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Soul said:
This is no different from the excuse which some black men feed to white women:
1) Black women are too strong, don’t cook, are too focused, don’t make me feel like a man…
2)they are too goal getting, they don’t want to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen…
It’s a nonsense and any white woman who falls for it only has herself to blame when she discovers what a dolt she has fallen for.
Menelik asks:
why do people like you continually resort to stereotypes to make your points? What race, or ethnic group of men demand their women be bare-footed and pregnant in the kitchen?
CAN YOU PLEASE ANSWER THIS SIMPLE QUESTION?????
If you must confront perceptions of Black women e.g. of them being “too strong” etc then do so on their own merits.
A truth doesn’t become any less true just because you place it alongside a totally groundless assumption!
Menelik Charles
London England
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Again, like I stated before, I am not surprised that BW like Gen, Soul and Herneith do not find WM attractive after everything you feel. When one has such a deep seated hatred of another group, what happens is that you have dehumanized wm in your mind. Ruminating on the negative of any group will block out any possible attraction. To say that you don’t find an entire group of people nice looking is racist, myopic and close-minded. It’s like fashion industry excluded black female models because that is their preference.
And I would take these men over Idris any day of the week: Travis Fimmel, Tom Welling, David Beckham, Johnny Depp, Cristiano Ronaldo, Marcus Schenkenberg, Gavin Rossdale,Jared Koronkiewicz, Paul Newman etc. There are many very attractive men of all races and there are many attractive wm who are very handsome and caring.
You hate white men but are trying to manufacture some plausible theory as cover. I think it is high time that black women like you three, stopped being dishonest with themselves and everyone else and just admit and own the fact that they have a burning anger and resentment of white men, and they want to keep this anger going. They want to continue to revel in their hatred of white men and this ‘lovely and comforting’ feeling of hate towards white men would have to be given up for attraction towards them. It is more freeing to be honest.
Yes black women hate white men more so than even black men, but this is kept quiet. This is why black women see an obvious solution to their current dating crisis and decide to turn right round and stay in their massive disadvantage. They do not want to give up their hate and eternal feud with white men, posture of disdain towards white males (characterized by an anti reconciliation attitude) is a core part of who women like you three have become. It took me a while to see this white male-hate as a key hindrance to black women forming relationships with white men. Before then, I used to think it was all about society restraining her and the inculcated fears she had etc. The hatred for white men is the fourth binding cord.
Soul: “But I think it’s hilarious that you think I’m obsessed with black race because I personally, do not find white men attractive?”
Who’s obsessed? If we would call any other race that said the same thing racist then you’re racist. It’s funny how we don’t like to look at the fact that we can be racist too. Usually when we want to talk about our racism it usually involves black on black racism. We can be just as racist to other groups as anyone else. Preference is code word for close-minded. I bet you find many wm cute, but you just have a very deep sense of hatred towards them, so it blocks out any positive feelings you can have.
But if you want to dismiss white men, please feel free, but just be honest (at least to yourself) and there is no need to manufacture some long winding theory to justify your decided negative feeling towards them. Trust me no one is loosing sleep over the fact that you are committed to not being interested in white men so don’t worry too much about it.
All in all, whatever floats one’s boat….I just hate ignorant people like some of the bw on this blog. I just want to let people know that most bw to not think like these three women. Most of us are very open-minded it like many types of men.
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I don’t generally find white women attractive (I am UK Black) but nor does our man, Abagond.
Are we both racist due to our preference? Maybe the sista should have said that she didn’t find white men GENERALLY attractive and left it at that!
Menelik Charles
London England
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“Again, like I stated before, I am not surprised that BW like Gen, Soul and Herneith do not find WM attractive after everything you feel. When one has such a deep seated hatred of another group, what happens is that you have dehumanized wm in your mind.”
now, see why can’t people apply this same logic when it comes to non-bm and bm not liking bw????
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ruby i never hear people say this kind of stuff when non bm and bm say all kinds of nasty things to bw, hidden behind their “preference” 4 anything non-black and female
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Ruby,
It seems like you’re a black woman who is a genuine supporter of white men. That’s great. They should be flattered. Too bad that support doesn’t seem to be mutual…
However, to blast Soul, Herenith and Mayhue because, they like the vast majority of people, prefer, love and appreciate men who look like their fathers, grandfathers. brothers, uncles is beyond “ignorant”. As well as confusing.
Please continue with your genuine love and support of white men. But don’t blast most other black women because they’d take an “Idris” any day over those white actors you’d named. That’s not called “hating white men”, it’s just a matter of loving and appreciating people who share your culture.
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Spot on, mnimn.
Please continue with your genuine love and support of white men. But don’t blast most other black women because they’d take an “Idris” any day over those white actors you’d named. That’s not called “hating white men”, it’s just a matter of loving and appreciating people who share your culture.
The men ruby listed are attractive in their own right, yes. However, the irony is these men are with WW.
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Soul, Herneith, and Gen do not have deep seated hatred for white men. They hate the mentality that many American White man have against Black women. I’m starting to believe that Ruby is a troll.
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You may be on to something, dani.
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“They hate the mentality that many American White man have against Black women. I’m starting to believe that Ruby is a troll.”
this is one thing that gets me there’s a difference between criticizing the behavior exhibited by someone, behavior which has been passed down from generation to generation and as a culture is guarded and perpetuated both intentionally and unintentionally by a group and then there is hating someone just because they are not the same as you and that’s the only reason you hate them, there’s a difference
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i noticed with some folks if you critique a behavior and tell them that they are acting in an objectionable way then they think you hate them or you’re prejudice against them…not i just think you did something or said something that was either ignorant or stupid, but we all say ignorant and stupid things so…that doesn’t mean you can’t respect them as a person, just correct the behavior and go on with life
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I’m quoting myself here.
The men ruby listed are attractive in their own right, yes. However, the irony is these men are with WW.
I meant that ruby listed these men as the ones she’d pick over Idris Elba, but these men have chosen to be with WW because they’re married to them.
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by saying that some white men or a good number of white men are raised with racist tendencies whether they realize it or not, how does that equat to hating white men? some bp are raised the same way does that mean you hate bp?
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Ruby said:
Who’s obsessed? If we would call any other race that said the same thing racist then you’re racist. It’s funny how we don’t like to look at the fact that we can be racist too. Usually when we want to talk about our racism it usually involves black on black racism. We can be just as racist to other groups as anyone else. Preference is code word for close-minded. I bet you find many wm cute, but you just have a very deep sense of hatred towards them, so it blocks out any positive feelings you can have.
But if you want to dismiss white men, please feel free, but just be honest (at least to yourself) and there is no need to manufacture some long winding theory to justify your decided negative feeling towards them. Trust me no one is loosing sleep over the fact that you are committed to not being interested in white men so don’t worry too much about it.
All in all, whatever floats one’s boat….I just hate ignorant people like some of the bw on this blog. I just want to let people know that most bw to not think like these three women. Most of us are very open-minded it like many types of men.
You are ridiculous! Gen, Herneith, and Soul are probably are one of the most open-minded Black women who post on here. Your problem is that you are troll who is trying to derail this topic and make it about you. Shit, there are Black women who are in a interracial relationship with White men and will agree with Herneith, Soul, and Gen’s comments. This topic is about analyzing OKCupids data concerning race and analyzing the outcomes of the preferences, while coming up with some obvservations determing the outcomes. So of course White men are going to be a part of this discussion. Some BW are not losing any damn sleep over White men not finding them attractive. I can care less of them not finding me attractive. They are not God’s gift to earth and I don’t treat them as so. Yes, I do find some White men to be attractive but I find some men of color to be attractive. I do not appreciate you criticizing the BW posters on this blog when you don’t know them or have read many of their post. I have seen them discuss intra-racism before. I have seen them discuss other subjects then just “hating on the white men” as you like to put it. Girl bye not finding White men to be attractive is not open-minded.
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If people on this thread can discuss how horrible, entitled and cr*ppy wives American White women are, then why is it now considered a hate site when the position of American White men is questioned.
The cardinal difference is that I noted a trend and a development among American WW. I was very clear that there are WW who do not fit this type.
I have no problem with someone mentioning that American WM have treated them in a racist manner. What I do find objectionable is the complete absence of belief that there could be American WM who do not fit this type. Racial absolutism, as it were. Painting everyone with the same brush, as it were.
For what it’s worth, Soul, I don’t think you are a racial absolutist but some of your most recent posts have not reflected that. That was a disappointment to me.
Also, I have no problem with people preferring one type of person over another and using race (or color, ethnicity, religion, etc.) as a screening mechanism. We all screen somehow and if that’s how they want to do it, then fine. But the whole “I don’t find WM/BW attractive thing gets to me.” How can you decide you find an entire race of people unattractive? Have you met them all? If you found someone that was otherwise the perfect match for you, would you dismiss them merely because of their race?
That smacks of racism to me, not mere preference.
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@Ruby:
Let me state for the umpteenth time, I don’t care who dates whom. It seems to me that Soul, Gen, and myself, have invoked your anger because we are primarily attracted to racialized men as opposed to white men. So what? It is as simple as that. Why so angry? Why the ad hominem attacks? This particular topic is on race not water treatment as Gen said, in particular a dating site study. The responses derived from this study is what is being discussed and the whys and wherefores. This not an indictment of black women who find white men attractive to the exclusion of all other men. I hate to use this cliché, but I know black women who are in relationships or married to white men, I have relatives who are married to white men. I have no problem with this. I don-not have any deep seated hatred of whites as a group per se. What I despise is the white supremacist ideals inherent in today’s society which is evident in this study and which, judging by the responses denigrates black people’s looks and ascribes stereotypical behaviours as ‘preferences’. If anything, I agree with you in that who you are attracted to is who you are attracted to. It’s as if you are teed off that some of the black women who have stated their attractions for non-white men, do-not share your attraction for white men.
@dani:
Thanks Dani, you’ve hit the nail on the head, you’re a doll!
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@B&G..
The first place within this post where I referred to White men and my lack of attraction…..
Funny thing, I followed a trackback from this blog to Alvanista where they were talking about this.
I made a comment and stated quite clearly that I don’t date white guys. Nothing wrong, I just haven’t really met a white guy that does it for me, there’s simply no attraction there.
I understand that, sometimes when we read, we skim through, but you’ve seen me make this comment before along with similar sentiments, even if I didn’t state it, you seen it reflected before…. no?
Do I have to re-iterate this disclaimer multiple times within the same thread?. Surely stating it once should suffice? (within the thread?).
I haven’t met every single white man, I don’t pretend to have done so, which is why I said what I said.
I hope that clarifies things for you B&G
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@dani & Herneith.. yep.
I’ve spent most of this thread, stating that any man who denigrates any other woman in order to date you should be cast aside.
I’ve stated this about bloth white men and black men.
Where Ruby is coming from. I have not a clue., but it doesn;t seem to be related to what has been typed in this thread.
It’s utterly ridiculous, I wonder if a black man said.. oh I’m dating white women and the reason you Abagond doesn’t have a burning need to date white women is because he has a deep seated hatred for them.
As far as I’m conerned loving relationships are where it’s at, if you have a prefernece state it, you don’t need to deride others in order to justify your preference that’s whats suspicious and dodgy and that is my point.
A white man who likes you, doesn’t need to say.. white women are sullied in order to attract you.
He would be attracted to you because you are you.
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Yes, it does. But my original comment wasn’t really meant for you anyway as I know where you stand.
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@B&G…
Cool. I hope we can continue to agree on something and disagree on somethings with the same level of mutual appreciation for cake.
I’ll leave it there.
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Wow. We have an excellent conjuncture of comments in here. Great to see!
Thank you soul for replying to my comments. That’s all I sought. Thank you.
Just a simple comment.
I really don’t understand if some black women in here hate/not attracted to white guys, what’s the point in indulging in a website for interracial topics?
I’m here because obviously I’m interested. If I wasn’t even interested or entertained the thought of this, blogs here (for me) wouldn’t exist. I understand some come in as trolls, some of my comments are trollish…but I stick around to expound on things here and there.
I’m not denying when someone says they are not interested in wm or others, but to be on a board that deals with such issues and to be a contributor daily on a type of topic at hand, I wonder what fascinates certain people to stay.
I read other website blogs such as this, and only those who are interested engage in daily topics. Of course there are trolls, but they come and go. Daily contributors all have interest/curiosity on each website.
**Please note: This is a simple question and in no way am I trying to denounce anyone’s claims/beliefs in here.
I’m just trying to understand the scope of what keeps some in here when they so claim their dissent of unattractiveness/non-interest/etc. of white men and maybe some others.
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“The men ruby listed are attractive in their own right, yes. However, the irony is these men are with WW.”
So what?
I think Beyonce is hot as hell but she’s with a black man.
Your point leigh?
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My point is found on post comment #129.
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@Maximus:
This is not a website for interracial dating. This is but one topic amongst many others on this website. If you go to the Index section, you will note that there is an abundance of topics touching on many other subjects not just those of race race.
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So Ruby, any Black woman who prefers her own race is a reverse racist? Give me a break, please. Yes, I’m libertarian when it comes to dating people within and outside their race. If Soul, Gen, and Henreith prefers Black and Biracial Black men, so be it. What I don’t like is the constant Black male/female bashing to justify dating nonblacks, in particular, White.
Maybe the ladies prefer keeping it in the culture and wanting their kids to look like our ancestors. There’s nothing wrong with that either.
Also, I’m so sick and tired of people in general hypocritically saying Black women should branch out while they refuse to branch out themselves when it comes to dating/marriage and family.
Any takers?
La Reyna
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My apologies leigh.
I read that too late.
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Yes Herneith. I said the “topic at hand”. Other websites also talk of other substances as well.
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@Maximus:
Maximus, scroll to the top where you’ll see the heading. Click on index. You will come to a page which has a list of topic subjects. You will see the various topics contained within this website. I am not referring to other websites but to this one.
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@maximus…
That’s fine, but could you also find it within yourself to admit that you have actually attributed opinions to me which I did not state.
You said: I really don’t understand if some black women in here hate/not attracted to white guys, what’s the point in indulging in a website for interracial topics?
That is not the stated purpose of this blog. In addition, it would behoove you to actually read the entirity of what I said, because I stated why I said it.
So far you have accused me of a few things, I’ve asked you to prove them and you haven’t.
because if you read what I typed you would see that your premise is false.
Wanna take those statements back now? or are you going to pretend you didn’t make them?
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No.
I stand by what I say. I respect you for your hatred of whites. I understand it’s okay for blacks to hate whites, but by-golly if whites hate blacks, they are “the devil”.
You’re not interested in white men. I was curious to know why you indulge in such a topic when it has nothing to do with you, personally.
Call me false, call me the devil or whatever you may think of me and other whites.
I will answer your questions by re-reading every single comment that was made by you in the history of this board in reference to me answering your questions of proof. I will reiterate all of your comments, the post numbers, the topic, the date & time it was said.
Give me a little while….
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Lynette:
Thanks for your honesty.
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I can tell you from my own anecdotal observations that I have seen wm get literally cursed out from bw in public (subways and buses to be exact). What I have found interesting in these verbal assaults is how each bw stated how the wm is the devil, the lowest scum on the earth, and is trying to take away from black people. One woman told a white man who accidentally brushed passed her on the bus that if he touches her one more time she will f*ck him up. These examples were in your face aggression, but I have heard bw express such intense dislike for wm in subtle ways by private conversations with other bw.
For these disgruntled bw, they personally hold the wm accountable for the bm’s shortcomings. It is wm’s fault that bm can’t successfully participate in society (gainful employment, achieving education, loving husbands and fathers). If wm were to give bm the opportunity, bw would have fully functional mates and would live happily ever after. SMH.
It’s wise to let any disgruntled bw know that they are free to live the life they want, including holding out hopes for a bm mate and date bm exclusively. Adults are responsible for their own lives and choices. I still have to scratch my head on why disgruntled pro intraracial relationship bw come on IR boards continuously to debate. Go to the all black sites and promote the black love message. What’s scaring them is they can’t enforce the group think mentality that has plagued bw for so long.
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Black women do NOT benefit and basically can’t “afford” to be racist when it comes to dating. bw need to be neutral and open (like bm!!!) This young lady even said herself that she’s having a hard time dating. Yet and still she has NOT put two and two together.
Oh well. Im glad she is just speaking for **HERSELF**. Because I sho ’nuff DONT agree with her views on love/sex/marriage. If she wants to reserve herself for the “brothas”, then thats on her. We’re all grown.
I have a feeling in about 10 years she’ll change her mind. Once black males prove with their ACTIONS that they have NO QUALMS, RESERVATIONS OR ISSUES about dating/marrying all the white, asian, and latin women they can get their hands on. While she is siting back dateless and/or man-sharing.
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Ruby comes across as someone who’s scared of turning off White men and that begs the question why. The reality is, throwing yourself at people’s feet will not induce racial harmony, take a looky loo at that OKCupid info and pretend it doesn’t mean anything. I will not avoid discussing social issues on account of somebody not liking me for it. That’s a slippery slope, the next thing you know, I’m scared to eat a piece of fried chicken in public. I love the fact that humans are an assorted bunch so yes I am race conscious, I’m also interested in computer animation/digital art, interior decor, video games, cooking but this isn’t about that now is it.
I agree with Lynette, I stumbled onto this blog because I was looking for reference images of Black women for painting(and ultimately computer animation) . I’m married to a Latino man who is Black so it wasn’t because of interracial interest. This is why the twelve paragraphs Ruby wrote boxing people into a corner because they comment here just doesn’t make sense.
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First off, it’s not worth my time to go through the history of your comments. I will answer your questions solely, one by one.
“Do forgive me, for actually presuming that YOU are smart/intelligent to recognise rhetorical”.
Are you calling me stupid? Why?
“Before I respond to your questions why don’t you prove that I actually did what you are saying?.
I’ll actually I’ll make you a list from your list.”
1. “Why are you asking the very question your questioning? – Read ruby’s post, mine references hers and thus the context is her post. As stated the questions are obviously rhetorical and are asked in order to make her think about her premise.”
That was in reference to “Why are you questioning your issues with white men, and questioning your your questions when you say”I don’t worry about them, why should I?”
That has nothing to do with Ruby. It had to do with you. Hence the comment “It’s okay. I don’t expect answers because maybe the “power of comprehension” isn’t on your side either.”
2. Why ARE you worrying? – “I am not. Please prove that I am, feel free to reference any statements (in context) which imply I am. ”
Proof: “Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?”
3. Why are you here questioning why white guys do this? – “I am not. I did not. please prove I did.”
Proof:”Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?”
4. Why white guys do that? – “I am not. I did not, please prove that I did.”
Proof: “Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?”
5. “Why white guys are this? – I am not, I did not. Prove it.”
Proof: “When a white man talks about white women in such tones as to imply their entire soul is dirt.” “Some of these white men are trying to be soo smooth, but they are simply fetishizing us. and I ain;t falling for it.”
6. Why white guys are that? – “I am not. Prove it.”but these white men have also seen the way the west has largely demoralised black women and they are hoping that they can use stupid reverse psychology to worm their way into black womens panties.” As if all white men do this?
7. Why do you care so much? – “I care about black women ebing denigrated, becasue shock horror! I am one. My concern is not white men, it is black women.” I will give you that!
8. Why are you asking about being concerned on what they want? – I am not. Prove it”.
Proof:”Funny thing, I followed a trackback from this blog to Alvanista where they were talking about this.
I made a comment and stated quite clearly that I don’t date white guys.”
Why would you go and make a comment regarding white men telling them what you want?
“This is why this whole, what white men like or black women that white men like or whatever kinda amuses me.”
Obviously, it concerns you somewhat.
“I really don’t care what they like, because I’m not into them.”
That speaks for itself.
“All this, ohh we don’t know how to approach black women, maybe if black women did this.. or did that.”
I still see issue regarding what white men want.
“White men starting blogs instructing black women how to behave so that they can approach us.” Again, what white guys want.
9. Why does this bother you? – “Why does what bother me. be specific. I am concerned about white men denigrating black women because I am a black women. simple.”
As if no other man denigrates black women? As if no black man does it? Or any other man? Why must it only be secluded to whites? Speak up! Does this clarification help?
10. Why are you constantly questioning what white guys are doing if you say “Why must I worry about what white men want?” – “Prove it. Prove that I am ‘comstantly questioning what white men are doing without it being connected to the denigration of black women. Just prove it. Quote me, but please prove it.”
Proof: (As stated before) “Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?”
“comstantly questioning what white men are doing without it being connected to the denigration of black women.”
Again. Your secluding white men alone as if we are the only one’s who do this.
11. I really don’t know why(?). I am interested to know why(?) your concerned when you explain why(?) you shouldn’t worry. – “Again, prove your ascertations. If you want to ask me a question based on anything I have said.. that’s fair enough. But if you ask me a question based on your presumptions and an obvious attempt to set an agenda.. I’ll simply move on.”
Your here discussing this. Your here for a reason. Read the above and reiterate comments.
“Why must we worship at the altar of white men?
Why must we find white men attractive? why?. Why must I worry about what white men want? why must I spend time trying to impress white men?
why must I be concerned about what they want?
Why must I be attracted to them, despite their public condemnation of black women?”
This whole subject and debate war with you underlines the structure and context of the whole why’s above. It was plain and simple to that alone.
“Do forgive me, for actually presuming that YOU are smart/intelligent to recognise rhetorical”.
“Are you calling me stupid? Why?”
It’s okay. I’ve never seen so many typos quoting your texts. There is a red line under those words for a reason…..
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The cardinal difference is that I noted a trend and a development among American WW. I was very clear that there are WW who do not fit this type.
I have no problem with someone mentioning that American WM have treated them in a racist manner. What I do find objectionable is the complete absence of belief that there could be American WM who do not fit this type. Racial absolutism, as it were. Painting everyone with the same brush, as it were.
You did not make any qualifications in this thread about that—you felt it was perfectly acceptable to discuss in detail why White American women suck and that White American men are suffering in silence. Most German women would be ABSOLUTELY APPALLED by the level of quality you find among the WW here. Completely disgusted.
You made a laundry list of behaviors that entitled white women often display and felt that this the reason why many White men were unhappy in their marriages compared to other women. I don’t necessarily disagree with some of your assertions, but you have separated the behaviors of some White men and refuse to acknowledge the contributing behaviors of White men as to why their own respective marriages suck. 50/50 in all. A failed or dying marriage does not happen in a vacuum. In addition, Domestic Violence and Drug use is rampart in white suburban communities but you don’t hear about this –but will often hear about the destruction of the black family. Again, there is more going on then simply White American Women not confronting to the perfect 1950’s house wife and there are other factors that contribute to conjugal misery.
Of course, Herneith made clear that she was open to other races, but not White men, yet White men shout from the rooftops all the time that they prefer anyone but Black—but somehow that is more acceptable because they are white.
For myself I am open to different races, but I don’t see why discussing racism and the effects of White racism is somehow being a hate-filled White male basher.
It should be noted, that no one here is condemning ALL white men. That should have been obvious from the beginning, when discussing generalities and trends, that some behaviors, and in this case the dating data, bare questioning—especially when many black women who are open to White men have stated in the past about being invisible or ignored if you don’t meet a physical standard on this blog and many places on the internet, articles and books..
And I think it’s frankly hypocritical to attack a few posters on this site about their preferences yet not acknowledge the rampant racism against Black women that was exhibited directly on the OK Cupid site post that is far worse then anything about Black women here being so virulently racist.
Its easier to bash black women and to condemn them as racist, not open minded and white male haters then to actually confront White people who are often unapologetic perpetrators in the first place.
As mynameismyname stated above, for some Black women to be so apoplectic about a few black women posters to question White men and their racism in dating, the pathetic irony of this whole dating trend, most white men aren’t gunning for Black women and they have no problem stating that they simply do not find Black women attractive.
White men are certainly not victims in this society but you have a few people on this thread acting like they are being denigrated, unfairly maligned, and persecuted en masse. They are at the apex of the social and cultural food chain. They literally have their pick of most women including their own women. They hold the most privilege and cultural power and they are the normative for which most other races measure their own success and acceptance in this society. So I am really trying to determine how White men are being unfairly categorized in general and how this ultimately will effect their life. If anything many people of color are scrambling to get with white men/people in one form or another—so how are they being persecuted, maligned and abused.
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Mayhue,
You’re so correct. The painful truth is that White men pick Black women last. This was talked about at Mr Laurelton Queens blog if you excuse the photos. Mr. Laurelton Queens is one brother who talks the truth about Black women/White men relationships and that Something New philosophy isn’t going anywhere because White men aren’t going to date/marry and have families with Black women en masse. That Brotha may have posts that are sexist but he right on the money when it comes to how non-Black men disrespect Black women.
Here’s the link to his blog:
http://mrlaureltonqueens.blogspot.com/
Please check it out!
Also, on why Black women prefer Black men meme. It’s obvious most Black women do prefer to marry and have children with Black men. It’s only natural. We don’t date/marry and have families with Black men because of White men. We date our men because that’s what we’re raised. We’re also open minded when it comes to dating/marrying outside our race yet nonblack men push us away every chance they get. Example, a Black or Biracial Black women writes to a non-Black man online, the latter more often than not respond or respond in a negative manner.
So, it’s hypocritical for non-Black men to jump on Black women for wanting to prefer Black men when they shun her for dating/marriage.
That’s my point of view and I’m sticking to it.
La Reyna
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La Reyna:
You actually buy into the bullsh!t of Queens blog? I’ve been there before. He has his own agenda there.
No wonder some of you people are so d@mn “white”-washed. You buy into anything that’s spoon-fed up your @ss when you see the promotion of blacks over whites.
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Maximus, you are a weirdo (or a masochist). I’m still scratching my head over why you bother with all of us “White-washed” Negros (and don’t give me that bullsh!t that you used the word “some”; since you are referring to one person’s comments, the plural usage is completely illogical).
*****************************************
That aside, some people have raised some really interesting points here. One thing I’d like to see discussed (it’s been rolling around in my head for awhile). In regards to race and dating, I feel there are 2 big “camps” that are pushed: either you only like people of your same race or you only like people of another race (usually WM). I feel like in much of the IR sphere, “Black women who date white men” has been conflated with “Black women who only date White men,” though I don’t believe that’s always the case.
B&G mentioned earlier (sorry, I’m not sure if it was this thread or not) that she’s dated mostly WM but wouldn’t exclude men of other races if they met her standards. Isn’t that how most people think? I would assume that people who are open to IR dating are interested in expanding their pool, not just trading in 1 pool for another. Frankly, I just like men (my friends call me boy-crazy, lol). Of course I have preferences–I love really “masculine features” so square jaws, broad shoulders, etc. all do it for me, but there’s no racial preference involved. Does anyone have any hypotheses as to why that agenda is pushed so strongly? It almost seems reactionary to me, like “Black men don’t want us, so we’ll show them we don’t want them either!”
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“Maximus, you are a weirdo (or a masochist).”
Why thanks for the compliment. “masochist”
What kind of punishment are you talking? About me being punished?
I highly doubt you would step in my way to say that.
Vengeance is brutal.
“White-washed” Negr0s:
My sentiments exactly.
Hey you said it, not I.
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@Mayhue:
Its easier to bash black women and to condemn them as racist, not open minded and white male haters then to actually confront White people who are often unapologetic perpetrators in the first place.
Exactly.
As mynameismyname stated above, for some Black women to be so apoplectic about a few black women posters to question White men and their racism in dating, the pathetic irony of this whole dating trend, most white men aren’t gunning for Black women and they have no problem stating that they simply do not find Black women attractive..
Isn’t this what the study illustrates? And if this is so, then why? That is gist of my observations in a nut shell. It certainly isn’t a indictment of interracial marriages. It is an indictment of how black women and black people are viewed in society. I choose to confront it. I find in general, that it is easier to attack another black person than to confront white racism also, not just in this instance. They have no problem in using terms like ‘group think(Ruby) when referring to blacks questioning the status quo in regards to white racism. Yet not one of them has condemned the covert or overt racism that characterizes most of the responses contained on OKCupid website study. Racism for the most part, aimed at black women.
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You seem to be punishing yourself by coming to this blog–it obviously upsets you, so I don’t see why you read/comment here (see my comment under “Go back to Africa”).
I highly doubt you would step in my way to say that.I highly doubt you would step in my way to say that.
What does that mean? Going to type with poor spelling at me all day? Like I said, weird.
This only reinforces the curiosity I expressed in “Go back to Africa,” though maybe Abagond should just ban you for your own sake, because if the only thing you ever say is some variant of “Black people hate us White people! Wahhh!” then doesn’t that make you a troll?
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Jasmin,
It’s how open-minded people think.
Mayhue,
I wrote a post about misandry but I’ve decided that it’s pointless to argue that here. It’d be like talking to myself while being screamed at.
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I happen to like what Mr. Laurelton Queens and Ms Kitty say with regards to IRs and race and many people over at his blog are so defensive and in denial of racial realities.
Also, why do nonblacks bash Black women who prefer Black men? Could it be that they resent Brothers as well?
La Reyna
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“This only reinforces the curiosity I expressed in “Go back to Africa,” though maybe Abagond should just ban you for your own sake.”
So he should ban me because my opinions don’t agree with yours?
Why do you assume it would be better for me? Do you know the “real” me? Does your little mind tell you all you see is true and that’s what it is?
I don’t have to tell you sh!t. Nor do I have to explain sh!t to you either. Don’t question me and my intentions.
You don’t know me.
You have not a clue of why I am the way I am.
You have no logical sense of trying to understand why I am the way I am.
Do me a favor. Save your breath and look in another direction because you are hideous for me to have to explain things to.
Don’t question me in the manner of you “knowing” me and “knowing” my life conditions which gives me a harsh point of view.
Steer clear. “If” you have a question…ask.
“All” I ask is “you” do not question me as if you “know” me.
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So tiresome 😦
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LOL Maximus, you need to get a life (and a grammar manual). That is all.
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Island girl,
Hey girl, how are you?
I was wondering why you hadn’t been around, welcome back! (Lol, I can’t really talk, I just finished midterm week so now I am playing catch-up.)
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Jasmin,
Hey! I’m good but very busy (a girl has to stay on her grind).lol So I haven’t had time to comment. I can’t even remember how to get my Gravatar back up.ha ha
To my surprise, I came back to discover that there’s a lot going on here.
Continued success in school.:) I hope all is well with you!
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Black people need to stop shucking and jiving and chasing the white man and go back to dating our own. Why are so many of us so pressed to find a white person? Do they have some magical secretion I’m unaware of that gives you everlasting love?
I’m not gonna lie, I find some white men attractive but I would not pick one over a black man. And if I was gonna date outside my race the next choice would be Hispanic.
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*cough cough*
When I said comprehension problems..
anyway, twas my fault, should have stuck with just ignoring cos it don’t make no damn sense.
Irony of ironies though, someone who can’t spell for tuppence correcting mine.
Nobe una fault o sha.
anyway e get as e be.
nonsense and ingredients. kmt
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Maximus, aka Azrazyel, has been banned from this blog for comparing a commenter to a monkey and threatening to kill her.
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Ruby:
Most women prefer men of their own race. Generally it is not due to hatred for other races but more like what Mynameismnyname and La Reyna said.
In the case of Gen, Herneith and Soul you need to show why you think they hate white men. It seems like you are just stereotyping their position.
One of the things that the OkCupid study showed was that black women like white men MORE than white men like them back. So it is white men and their views that are the sticking point. Are they driven by a hatred for black women? Why or why not?
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Robert Obaseki said at comment #79:
“why do african american people feel the need for validation and acceptance by european people.”
Because in America white people for the most part determine what gets shown on television, what gets taught in school, who gets hired, who gets fired and so on. You get hit with messages all the time about how white people are so wonderful and black people are so screwed up.
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Mayhue,
I wrote a post about misandry but I’ve decided that it’s pointless to argue that here. It’d be like talking to myself while being screamed at.
*************************************
I don’t see why you cannot discuss it. I don’t feel that I was screaming at you, merely discussing the points that you raised along with this blog post. I don’t agree with you that White American Women are the only ones that are at fault in marriage and this supposed widening cultural gap. But I don’t consider myself a feminist either or a misandrist. If you feel that I am yelling I can’t help that especially when you had very strong opinions in this post as well.
Since we don’t agree, I hope that we can continue to discuss other issues on this blog without rancor in future.
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The painful truth is that White men pick Black women last. This was talked about at Mr Laurelton Queens blog if you excuse the photos. Mr. Laurelton Queens is one brother who talks the truth about Black women/White men relationships and that Something New philosophy isn’t going anywhere because White men aren’t going to date/marry and have families with Black women en masse. That Brotha may have posts that are sexist but he right on the money when it comes to how non-Black men disrespect Black women.
Laurelton Queens, is an odd duck. He said some very hateful things about Black women. I really don’t proscribe to his philosophy or his views about Black people.
***********************************
B&G mentioned earlier (sorry, I’m not sure if it was this thread or not) that she’s dated mostly WM but wouldn’t exclude men of other races if they met her standards. Isn’t that how most people think? I would assume that people who are open to IR dating are interested in expanding their pool, not just trading in 1 pool for another. Frankly, I just like men (my friends call me boy-crazy, lol). Of course I have preferences–I love really “masculine features” so square jaws, broad shoulders, etc. all do it for me, but there’s no racial preference involved. Does anyone have any hypotheses as to why that agenda is pushed so strongly? It almost seems reactionary to me, like “Black men don’t want us, so we’ll show them we don’t want them either!”
That is how most people who are open will assess partners, however if you are open already and you are being discounted—the Ok Cupid is only hitting on a larger issue that some Black women have to deal with-being discounted by race and virulent stereotypes that you have no control. Why this is, I can only speculate, but when Black women do it we end up sounding shrill and racist. Only others can answer why.
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Isn’t this what the study illustrates? And if this is so, then why? That is gist of my observations in a nut shell. It certainly isn’t a indictment of interracial marriages. It is an indictment of how black women and black people are viewed in society. I choose to confront it. I find in general, that it is easier to attack another black person than to confront white racism also, not just in this instance. They have no problem in using terms like ‘group think(Ruby) when referring to blacks questioning the status quo in regards to white racism. Yet not one of them has condemned the covert or overt racism that characterizes most of the responses contained on OKCupid website study. Racism for the most part, aimed at black women.
**************************
Pretty much. Which is why I don’t understand why you and others and being attacked. It’s not about not being open to other races and being a supremacist, it’s seeing and experiencing with one’s eyes the discrimination and racism, yet being told that it’s all about “preferences’ about being hard-wired and just genetic. But why one race over another. There are many successful, hardworking, decent black women that don’t conform to the stereotypes, why are they ignored when these women are in constant contact with the majority every day.
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I never even got around to commenting on the actual study this post is about!
Frankly, I don’t buy it, though I do think the people behind it had good (meaning scientifically noteworthy) intentions for running it. The first thing that made me skeptical was that Native Americans are 2nd on the list of reply rates. Given that the population of Native Americans in the US is so small, the population of Native Americans on dating sites has to be miniscule at best. If the reply rate statistics are being reported in terms of proportions of the “race” population on the site, then it might just be that the (relatively) few Native Americans on the site almost always receive replies, *but* since there are so few in the first place, the chances of any of the respondents ending up with a Native American male is slim. Thus, there is a disconnect between what the study would hope to predict (racial dating trends) and how they actually play out. This is also a result of it being an online site, where there are many steps between replying to someone’s message and actually seeking him/her out for a date.
Furthermore,
Since male “others” came in third for message reply rates, I am further skeptical of the validity of their racial category distinctions. In race studies where people are asked to self-identify, it is best to have discrete categories in order to avoid data distortions due to overlap (i.e., an ideal study would have people who were either Black or White or Asian, etc., but no combinations of the categories). It’s quite possible that a bunch of White men (that would be the most likely case since they came in first) listed “Native American” as one of their races even if, for all intents and purposes, they are mostly (phenotypically or genetically) White.
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Frankly, I don’t buy it, though I do think the people behind it had good (meaning scientifically noteworthy) intentions for running it.
Finally, someone sees the light. It seems that those with an axe to grind with group X or group y or whoever are willing to overlook all the holes in this “study” in order to sharpen and swing that axe.
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I agree with Jasmin. The study is bunk. It’s interesting and adequate fodder for a blog post but it’s definitely not a scientifically sampled population nor do the results have any applicable meaning.
Maximus, aka Azrazyel, has been banned from this blog for comparing a commenter to a monkey and threatening to kill her.
Oh my God. He went off the deep end. Geez. That is beyond werewolf; that’s just plain psychotic.
Mayhue,
Oh, I was just generally pissed off. I’m over it now. Can I blame it on a lack of sleep? You know I’m a fan. 🙂
Misandry would be a good topic (Abagond?) but it’d be totally OT to start a discussion here. Sorry I brought all of that up and derailed the thread.
For what it’s worth, I do consider myself a feminist and am very proud of it. But even feminists disagree on individual policies.
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Mayhue,
Oh, I was just generally pissed off. I’m over it now. Can I blame it on a lack of sleep? You know I’m a fan.
For what it’s worth, I do consider myself a feminist and am very proud of it. But even feminists disagree on individual policies.
Great! I really appreciate your point of view and look forward to reading your posts. They are always interesting and often funny even when they are tongue and cheek. You should create your own blog or write stories. I am sure you could do very well in that and sell lots of copies. I’d totally buy Confessions and Triumphs of a Mad Black German.
Feminism is tricky for me which is why I identify more with Womanism—but I have to admit that my ideas are often quirky. Take Care.
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In danger of derailing the thread: What is Womanism?
LOL about the book.
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@B&G..
Like Mayhue I am not a feminist but a womanist. Many people use womanism and ‘black femnisim’ as kinda interchangable terms.
As for me, the notion of womanism is acknowledgement of womanhood, our talents e.t.c. without the hierarchy of race.
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Is it possible to be a womanist AND a feminist?
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APOLOGIES To Sista Soul…
for pre-empting her opinions on certain issues. Before commenting on a previous she wrote I did not take the time i.e. make the effort to read her other postings.
I realise, having now done so, that she and I have an awful lot in common re. the issue of inter-racial dating & the underlying issue of white supremacy.
I am, therefore, sorry for having appeared to be in fundamental disagreement with her when clearly I am NOT!
Respects to Sista Soul!
Menelik Charles
London England
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In danger of derailing the thread: What is Womanism?
LOL about the book.
You write in a way that can be very effervescent and engaging. Doing elliptical op eds, short stories, or a humorous novel would probably be right up your alley.
Womanism was first coined by Alice Walker, but the term has broadened considerably since then and has a more flexible connotation. Thus how I see womanism is more of a reaction against white feminism that was often and still is exclusive and completely ignores the concerns of Black women. Womanism is more likely to employ a more communal approach and how Black woman’s empowerment benefits the black community as a whole (and is less likely to ignore men’s voices to the extent that traditional feminism does); however it is ultimately about empowering Black women and looks at the effects of race, class, orientation, culture, history and society as a whole to find effective solutions in the lives of Black women.
Black feminism often overlaps womanist ideology and there are many variations to suit the diversity of Black women experiences, which is why I can appreciate and follow some feminist theory and that makes my approach more eclectic. So yes you can be a womanist that is universal and communal while espousing feminist rhetoric, they are not mutually exclusive just different—with the former more interested in giving a strong platform to Black women and their needs and concerns. Womanism is a useful platform to construct your own individual feminist point of view—or not.
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I am not interested in dating white men, i just don’t find them attractive, simple as.
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that is interesting, but sad that black women and men are less wanted. However the men especially are less educated and have less money than the average say white or middle eastern man. May i also point out what white and black women are often more likely to be overweight than asian women.
However what does suprise me is that middle eastern women are so favoured. I mean you would think the cultural/religious difference would put most men off. I am christian and I would least want to date a muslim man, infact i would rather date a indian (if they are good looking and nice) than a middle eastern man.
It does not suprise me that white men have a dislike for black women. people like to say that the reason why so few black women date white men is because they are waiting for good black men. No thats not true i’m sure most black women are open to a nice white guy. Just a shame that the white men aren’t as open to them and would rather go for the exotic and supposedly more demure asian or middle eastern woman. how typical.
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These results are bull. One thing I have learned not to pay attention to is studies and research done by whites particularly when it’s about or including black people. It’s kind of funny how black people are the least desired, yet it seems that the majority of biracials around the world have a black parent. Most biracials are of a black parent and a non black parent, usually white. As I said, this is bull.
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Excellent point.
I’m to usually suspicious of research analysis as well. Being that I once worked for a social research group, and was privy to the “fudging” of numbers from time to time. And I know what those in power will do for the LOVE OF MONEY.
Especially when it seems to always “glorify” one group and “craps” on another. “Keep the sponsor happy, so that the money contiues to flow”. And we all know, the data always shows, who’s at the bottom of the barrel for anything and everything?
Yes, “least desired” – but it’s funny, these very same people, are the “very ones” that are always pushin up on us. Aren’t they?
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First, Claudia Lynx is ‘not’ brown. Her picture about is photoshopped. In the few earlier photos we have of her when she was younger, she is pale white. The picture above, like most of her professional pictures, are too photoshopped where they blurr out her big nose. I think Persian are beautiful but I don’t think Claudia represents Persian beauty. I think beauties like Angelina Joile and Aishwarya Rai still beat her in beauty even after her obvious plastic surgery. I don’t think she will get any larger than her popularity on Youtube and the internet. She can’t act or even take a ‘real’ picture of herself. I bet when people see her in real life they will be shocked with how different she looks-plain.
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Men choose according to size. Asian women are first and black women are last because Asian women are the skinniest and black women are the fattest. Case closed. Face and race has little to do with it.
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Black women are not the fattest. Hell I wear a size 5. Where I live there are plenty of fat white women and non black latinas. Quite judging people by what you see on TV.
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@Anon,
Asian women have the most boyish physiques, and are the most child-like in appearance compared to all races of women; Black women, by contrast, have the most emphatically female physiques of all races of females, and have the most dauntingly beautiful faces.
Case closed. Shape and race have everything to do with it.
Menelik Charles
London England
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LOL at M. Charles
The PERCEPTION of black women had a lot to do with this, IMHO. Im thinking of putting up two profiles, one black another non-black with the same with the same information and seeing which one is the most popular. I cant use a white female profile because dating site like OKCupid are run for/by white people looking to meet other white people. Its best to use a non-black(Hispanic or South Asian) prop gauge were various non-white women fit in on such a site.
I have been wanting to do this for some time and summer is coming up. This may be my little pet project!!!
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@ Anon:
Speak for yourself. To me it is the other way round: black women have the best figures by far – IN GENERAL – and Asian women the worst. Having a pretty or ugly face matters too.
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I was a lurker on OKCupid until recently. Although I get a few new messages a day from different races the person I messaged the most suddenly lost interest in me when I posted a picture.
http://zairejungle.wordpress.com/2010/07/22/the-study-was-right/
There is certainly truth to this study.
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Does this survey not only state the blindingly obvious?
However, I dunno about the middle eastern women…..
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“Does this survey not only state the blindingly obvious?
However, I dunno about the middle eastern women…”
You think it’s blindingly obvious that Middle Eastern women would be first, and White women would be second to last in responses?
49.5 Middle Eastern
46.0 Pacific Islander
44.4 Other
43.7 Asian
42.7 Indian
42.5 Hispanic/Latin
42.3 Native American
42.1 White
34.3 Black
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I’m wondering what people are thinking of when they think “Pacific Islander”…
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Whoops. That was me. No idea why that happened.
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im surprised blacks men are ahead of Indian men. Black men are the ugliest in my opinion. Nothing about a ape face and nappy hair is attractive.
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Did anyone even consider the FACT that out of the 620,000 plus accounts on OK Cupid only about 25,000 are from black women and another 28,000 from black men? That means blacks make up about like 7% of users on OK Cupid. The majority of the people on OK Cupid are OVERWHELMINGLY WHITE so its safe to say that the few blacks (and other nonwhites) that are on this site are specifically seeking a relationship with someone who is white (or at least not black). Now try comparing the numbers of black women on sites like Black Planet and Black People Meet and you will see that Black Women as a whole OVERWHELMINGLY prefer BLACK MEN. There are 25 million black chicks in this country and only 25,000 signed up for OK Cupid. Why? Because OK Cupids male users are majority white and the VAST MAJORITY of black women are not that damn interested in white men to sign up or engage in a site that only has a black male user ship of 3.5%! The only thing that this study proves is that if you’re a black woman who goes on a majority white dating site that caters to people who are clearly interested in dating whites that you will not get as many responses or messages back. DUH!!!! However, if I’m a black woman signed up on Black Planet or Black People Meet, I will clearly be the one with the advantage, even amongst the minority of white men who sign up for those sites (just like black women sign up for OK Cupid to meet white men, there are white men who sign up for black dating sites to meet sistahs). My suggestion to those SMALL minority of black women on OK Cupid, sign up ob a black dating site and then you’ll know that the majority of men who are on there (black, and the minority of white, latino, Asian men) are there to hook up with YOU.
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Abagond says “One of the things that the OkCupid study showed was that black women like white men MORE than white men like them back.”. INCORRECT! This study in NO WAY proves that. First, how many black women are even registered on OK Cupid as opposed to Black Pkanet or Black People Meet? Black women only make up about 3% of the daters on OK Cupid (about 25,000) surveyed. Compare that with the HUNDREDS of THOUSANDS of black women who frequent dating sites catered to those who EXCLUSIVELY seek black men. You will see by and large black women prefer black men. The small minority of sistahs that are on sites like OK Cupid are those who seek to date white/nonblack men, which explains why the few black chicks on the site responded to white men more than any other race of men. It also explains why black women on that site do not receive as many responses from white men as other races. Its clear that a white man who goes on a majority white dating site with miniscual numbers of black women is far more interested in dating NON BLACKS. If these particular white men wanted sistahs they would either be scouring black dating sites or those that promote unions between white men and black women. The study doesn’t show that black women in general want white men more than white men want them because the average black woman DOES NOT want a white man AT ALL. It shows that black women who ARE interested in white men are going to THE WRONG dating site to meet the the ones WHO DO want them.
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I think online dating attracts more nerdy types (not all but moreso than men who find other ways to meet women) & I think these types are therefore less likely to be attracted to the norm or follow conventions in society which is why they are maybe more attracted to asian and middle eastern women online. Men who search for women online probably are often also searching for something different which is why for white men who do online dating a white women might not seem exotic enough.
I don’t think these racial preferences exhibited on okcupid are the same for what different races prefer in real life however and it certainly doesn’t represent statistics on race & marriage. For example many middle eastern men are attracted to black women and may be happy to court them online, but most middle eastern men still prefer to marry middle eastern women.
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Three years latter, and I finally read some of the messages up thread. I’m in full agreement with Soul, Mayhue, and Hernieth, not that it matters now, LOL. Its like some weird Jedi Mind trick, if someone black isn’t open to interracial they are quickly dismissed as racist or thought to have an agenda, by whites and black alike. But if a white person says the same and justifies its with gross stereotypes either ignored or written off as “preference”. These people aren’t seen as “race men”.
If this study is any indication, interracial relations are not low because blacks are not being inclusive, they are low because others are excluding us. Yet we are calling other blacks “race women” for not playing to someone’s IR agenda? Why not take up the fight with those actively avoiding black romantically?
Funny how white women can be taken to task for being “sullied” and spoiled yet we cant shine light on those who “allowed” it to happen. IF these women are indeed “ruined” or “spoiled” how did they get there? Who helped them? Who set the climate? They didn’t get there on their own, Im sure they had help. These white women didn’t birth, raise, and marry themselves…
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Yes destiny84 more white men who are interested in black women would go on an interracial site, but I don’t think most black women would be interested in white men with a fetish for black women, atleast that is how I would perceive men who go on those sites even if that is not the case. Also if white men on okcupid are not interested in interracial dating, how can them being more eager to reply to asian/middle eastern/latin women be explained? Black women & white women being more likely to be overweight may be a factor in this, but it cannot be denied that some prejudice towards black people is probably also a factor.
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Y did you try making up profiles with a black woman & an asian/white women of same attractiveness & same profile to compare the email replies & interest? I think that is a good idea as an experiment.
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Why have latinas on okcupid got so little love for black men? That suprises me.
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Abagond i previously posted above as anononymous, I did not state asian women have better bodies, but that white men tend to prefer slimmer women. black & white women are more likely to be shapely than asian women. I am a mixed black female & have no preference for female body types, I was simply passing a judgement for why the mostly white men online might prefer asian women.
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Great story , Peanut, no , dont feel guilty at all….why not soak it all in…great to hear you are out there, I thought you had dengue fever for a minute….
Very interesting , your observation about white American males seeming to change and be atracted to the black women in Salvador.It really makes me wonder if there is such social preasure from all sides of the spectrum of the “racial” diologue,in the USA , so that white Americans just feel that uptight ? So when they hit Salvador, and, can really feel the open vibe of the black Salvador woman, and make no mistake, the black Salvador woman has no filters or barriours about being open and available to men of all colors and nationalities. There are huge amounts of European white males that hook up with the black Salvador women…there are three hooked up with my wifes sister’s after failed mairadges or no mairadge in Salvador, just for example…its definitly not just profesionals, like what is portrayed.
And, great about your getting discounts, and attention…yes, Salvador is an “Afro centric ” feeling…I hope you can catch a show before you leave, because the dance and drum thing is a huge manifestion of the soul of Salvador…
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…ok let me finish…. ” so when they hit Salvador( those uptight white Americans feeling preasure from all sides of the “racial dynamic” diologue), they go with the flow….they feel it is ok and they are more ready to jump in…while in the states, they may feel uptight and observed and criticised?” I forgot to finish the statement above
I dont know…I never minded facing the against the grain feeling of interracial dating in the states , but, in the mid 60, when I started interracial dating, you had to have a tough skin, but, Brazil is like a totaly differant feeling…much lighter, but some Brazilians will think I would be going with a prostitute, if they see me with a black Brazilian woman
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” thats no woman , thats my wife….” vrrrumphcrash
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@Peanut
“it’s ironic that some of the white men on this trip who come to this country and end up with a Black woman wouldn’t even look at one back in the US, but because we’re in a majority black place where its “cool” and okay to date a bw they will, some white men are fickle like that, they follow the crowd.”
@B. R.
“Very interesting , your observation about white American males seeming to change and be atracted to the black women in Salvador.It really makes me wonder if there is such social preasure from all sides of the spectrum of the “racial” diologue,in the USA , so that white Americans just feel that uptight ?”
Or they are stereotyping them. Seeing them as more attractive because they seem foreign and exotic, or thinking that women in this part of the world are more ‘easy going and family oriented’ which is code for: ‘they are easier to control’.
I’m not saying that you are wrong. I just think there are other options.
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why do almost all black men want white women?
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“why do almost all black men want white women?”
*******
I’m willing to bet that math/statistics wasn’t/isn’t your best subject!
Do they even teach MATH on your planet?
Perhaps “almost all” carries a whole different meaning where you’re from than it does here.
Pendejo aliens should only lurk…. never post!
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“Or they are stereotyping them. Seeing them as more attractive because they seem foreign and exotic, or thinking that women in this part of the world are more ‘easy going and family oriented’ which is code for: ‘they are easier to control’.
I’m not saying that you are wrong. I just think there are other options.”
Ok, I can somewhat attest to this here in the states. So typically I will be at a bar or other social setting and a guy will come up and talk to me. I say my name (obviously foreign) and they will say something about me being “exotic”. I will say its only white guys that say this to me, Ive been approached by Indian, Hispanic, and Black American men and none have used the term ‘exotic’ to describe me. Its not something that happens all the time but it happens often enough for me to notice a pattern. They usually get a bit more persistent or insist on knowing more. I can’t say if they view me as being more submissive or easier to control based on my origins…I usually quite demure, unless I’m provoked or become more familiar, lol. Also, I don’t allow the convo to go far enough to know why they are into me. I don’t take it to heart because I don’t necessarily see it as bad thing (don’t see it as ‘good’ either). The term exotic is relative. What is exotic to a man from the Netherlands may be ordinary to a man from Ghana.
With regards to Brazil, this view of the women is very true. I have read in blogs, books, and heard IRL people project this image onto foreigner women in general. Brazilian women are particularly seen as very sexual, beautiful, carefree and generally easier going than American women. Whether the stereotype is true is irrelevant because the people who believe it act accordingly…In this case it could mean being more willing to approach and initiate conversation. Or stick around longer to know more ect. Also there is just a vacation aspect. People tend to let there hair down on vacation so the same guys that would go out of their way to talk to certain women in America would be more inclined to speak up in a foreign land. Especially if they encounter another American abroad….at that point its not a WM speaking to/acknowledging a BW, its two Americans meeting in Brazil.
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Yes, Eco ,it could be what you are saying also, a stereotype , because black women from Salvador arnt usualy trying to be more “docile” , or anymore “family oriented” than the American black woman. What American men, black or white, see right away in Brazilian women , black or white or mixed, is they are raised to be more in touch with their sensuality. And American men come down thinking that this sensuality means they are more “sexual”, which is a mistake. They see women come to the beach in really short shorts and then remove their clothing with fio dental bikinis that are more sensual than Victoria Secret sexy underwear . They dress in ways that American men have been taught to think is “naughty”, they get to see the female body, in large groups , for the first time and actualy be able to compare female bodies with something other than Playboy magizine….unless they live on South Beach or are a photographer for Playboy, or work for dance classes that have women undressing nude on the side, like what happened to me in New York. So this is one reason American white men start stereotyping Brazilian black women as differant and they start aproaching them where they might not aproach American black women.
I have always been enchanted by the American black woman, and, have found notions and stereotypes of American black women suposed to be loud or aggressive to be false and media fed and sometimes turned into a moda that even some black women pose as , trying to look more “street”. Having been married to a black woman from the now defunct Roosevelt Taylor Homes on the Southside of Chicago, I knew how refined and poised she was(even though she could kick my butt if she wanted to) and always knew women from the ghetto can be all kinds of ways
Peanut, “if they only knew”, absolutly ! You are going to have great insights and points of view because of your trip
I love hearing your perspective of Salvador from a black American woman’s point of view…I look forward to more of your insights and experiances traveling to Salvador
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I think it is a common to see out-group women as easier to get along with and as being more sexual so long as there are not any overriding stereotypes to the contrary.
In regard to Brazil:
Thad’s wife wrote a guest post here about common Black American views of Black Brazil, particularly of its women and its culture:
Wendi Muse of Racialicious, a light-skinned black American woman, noticed how she was regarded as better looking in Brazil than in the States:
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From laromana:
peanut says,
Even the white American men here are more receptive to Black women, including American ones. it’s ironic that some of the white men on this trip who come to this country and end up with a Black woman wouldn’t even look at one back in the US, but because we’re in a majority black place where its “cool” and okay to date a bw they will, some white men are fickle like that, they follow the crowd.
any way, this has opened my mind tremendously in terms of desirability of Black women. believe me we are desired, both black and white men like black women here. even some of the white american men in my little volunteer group i’ve seen looking at the women here and not just looking and glancing, but checking out, even some of the white women in my volunteer group have noticed and felt this since i’ve been here, one woman in particular has had some difficulty with this. she made snide comments about black women’s beauty etc…
and it bothers her because since she is a blonde ww she assumed that everywhere she went she would be the center of attention… but since we’ve been here and everyone keeps coming up to me and the other black girl and calling us the baianas and we’ve been getting discounts on the stuff that we buy just for being black ,it bothers her because she’s not used to someone else getting that treatment.
and I know how it feels to be put on the backburner and overlooked, so in a way i pity her, no one deserves to feel like they’re second rate…but at the same time…HEY, now she knows how Black women are made to feel in the USA every day hmmm…
so, don’t fall for it anymore, black women.
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Did my comment imply that Brazilian women really are more sensual, easy going, etc.? That’s not what I meant. I think Abagond was 100% right when he said:
“I think it is a common to see out-group women as easier to get along with and as being more sexual so long as there are not any overriding stereotypes to the contrary.”
and IMO this isn’t really about how Brazilian/Bahian women actually dress or act because there are very similar stereotypes about French, Russian or Indian women and they don’t need tiny bikinis to have this image. I think this is mainly about sexism and how men perceive foreign women. From this perspective, when white American men see afro-Brazilian women as more attractive than Black American women, it’s not because they are being unbiased, but because they are replacing a negative stereotype with a stereotype that appeals to them. That’s obviously a generalization and I don’t think that it applies to every individual case.
That’s how I see it, but I think your reasoning makes sense too.
Full disclosure: I tend to be a pessimist and a grouch, and I usually favor ‘negative’ explanations, the ones that require less faith in humanity. 🙂
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Interesting study from OkC, but I think the results aren’t surprising. Humans tend to gravitate towards people like them – Africans like other Africans, Indians like Indians, and Europeans like Europeans. Given the number of other things one has to deal with in a relationship, do you blame them? I think it’s more the fear of the unknown & comfort with what you know, than any deliberate attempt to ostracize any particular race.
Im an African woman, but having grown up in Europe, I have more in common with the average European or African than I do with the average white or black American, and this is reflected in the messages I’ve received, dates Ive been on, and relationship I’m currently in (with a French man).
Ive lived in America for 7 years, and have to say its a wonderful country. Yes, Americans are still overly obsessed with race, and probably with good reason(given the history), but the nation is evolving (at least from my vantage point in NY/DC/CA).
I see more black women dating interracially, and thats a reflection of openness, acceptance and healing from both angles. As someone said earlier, in 10+ years these stats will be irrelevant. We’re all searching for true companionship & love, and that should continue to be our singular focus despite all the noice out there. I wish you all the best.
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Of course the women pictured Claudia Lynx is gorgeous but not before all the surgery she had lol youtube her..why are some people so gullible.
Also black women seemed to be the worse pickings but it doesn’t for one minute mean its because bw are unattractive or ugly but for the most part the majority of white men and eurocentric thinking Asians etc who believe in white beauty as the ideal,see Black women opposite to the features they think acceptable.
For the most part white men call out a shapely black women as overweight or fat when a bm will see her as shapely..
Funny thing despite what this out of date research shows…..white husbands/black wives are the most successful coupling in marriage(out of every single group) ..what’s also more bizarre is that white men are dating and marrying bw more commonly, which goes to show that most of the white men in this cupid research thing lol……chose persons based on color alone,you will notice white women are far less racist when choosing a mate.
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@ Peanut
I notice on these dating sites men tend not to prefer women of their own race – even though in the end only a few will marry out. I think that is because they do not need a dating site to meet women of their own race.
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Interesting study but I’ll take it with a pinch of salt. I’m an Indian male and had a hard time on OKC; I received 1 reply out of 15 emails sent.
Funny thing is, in real life I get hit on by white, black, Hispanic and Indian women. I think once women get to know me personally, they like me despite me being an Indian male.
OKC stats are true, but they don’t apply in real life. If the guy has a good education and has his act together, he can get any women he wants. Look at Obama (black male) and Bobby Jindal (Indian male) – do you think they’d have a hard time getting women?
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OKCupid is one of the most racist dating sites out there. I heard it was around 85% white, which is part of the issue. I’m a mixed race woman who opened a profile saying that I was open to dating guys of all backgrounds (I always have and I probably always will), and one of the first replies I got was not from a white guy who was interested in me, but one of those typical bigots on the site that assumed I was a white woman (I clearly never said that), and called me a “Mud Shark”. Typical racists.
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Well, i was just going to take the study at face value, but after talking to some of my Black girlfriends–they said OkCupid was their number one dating site and that they meet plenty of guys both Black and non Black whom were interested.
Honestly Abagond, i think a lot media tactics like this are to discourage Black women from exercises all social options available especially with building relationships.
My experience on eharmony was that Black men and white men would message me, and only one Black man followed through with phone calls and dates, and the white men were the ones asking for something a bit more serious…(seeing as many were long distance and asked if i would be willing to relocate).
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Cause middle eastern men/ women have a high respect to their culture . They are mostly highly educated. They are not effected by the white media. They are charismatic with usually good looks..
most middle eastern americans ( at least the liberal ones which i assume all the ones on the Ok cupid site) are christians and even the muslims are liberal..
I don’t think white`s r racist.. I think other ethnic groups are making white feel superior.. If you stop conforming to the media you might make white and other guys beg for you like they do for middle eastern girls..
Peace.
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Why are Middle Eastern men more accepting to reply to black women more ?
I’m surprised Hispanic males don’t reply to black women that much…
In my experience a lot of M.E men like black girls more than white men do, but M.E are Caucasians like European males.
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While a Christian myself, in this case inmendham is pretty spot on as regards sex-relations in this world. After all, it is fallen, and in heaven there will be no marriage — i.e. sex came in through the fall. Which is why I do believe that it wasn’t God’s original design, given that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed, and that after the fall, it is said that the woman will have pain during childbirth. Indicators of the wicked nature of sex, that it originated from the fall of humanity.
(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vo4XIgbEb5k&feature=youtu.be&t=1817)
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