I never thought I would be writing a part three so soon, but when a post gets more than 300 comments, then it is time.
To review:
- In part one I said that it boiled down to racism on the part of white men: they do not want black children.
- In part two I said it is not quite that simple: way before marriage it is women who apply race to dating decisions, not men. Men are dogs and will go for any halfway good-looking woman they think they have a chance with. A Columbia University study on speed dating supports this view.
Now for part three: A big thing that keeps coming up in the comments is how white men approach black women. Often they wait for a black woman to show some clear sign of interest before they ask her out! It seems like a cowardly excuse. Man up and just ask her!
Dalyn Montgomery, also known as brohammas, has an interesting take on this at his blog, Pages From My Notebook. He is a white American man who lives in Philadelphia. He dated in the 1990s and, in the end, married a black woman.
He says white men have three main ways of approaching women:
- The scuzz ball: He expresses his interest directly. No games. If he gets shot down, he moves on. What his approach lacks in quality he makes up in quantity. Sooner or later some woman will say yes. He wants sex, not a girlfriend.
- The “normal” guy: He plays a cat-and-mouse game with a woman to show his interest, but not too directly or strongly: he does not want to seem like a scuzz ball – or appear too desperate (even if he is). That is why in “Swingers” (1996) they wait three days before they call a girl back.
- The “friends” guy: He becomes your friend, but he hopes to take it to another level later on, hoping that by then he has gained your trust, etc. This is how Duckie failed to get Molly Ringwald in “Pretty in Pink” (1986).
Most white men try each of these at some point in their lives. Some white men follow none of them: Montgomery calls them the curve balls.
Now he adds to all this that white people are taught that black people hate them.
So with all that in mind, here is how each approach views black women:
- The scuzz ball: Black women, especially young ones, are easy and I need to get laid.
- The normal guy: If she is extremely hot or if I have something to prove, then I will go after her, otherwise going after white women is way more promising.
- The friends guy: What? Me with a black woman? Come on. (They lack confidence even with women of their own race.)
How do black women see this? Scuzz balls have the wrong sort of interest, of course, while the other two, from what I can tell, come off as having too little interest.
See also:
Abagond 