“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me.” It makes sense but in practice things do not work out like that.
My mother used to tell me that. So when whites at school called me racist names, I told myself that saying. But like the rest of her kumbaya anti-racism, it did not work. Even when you get older and understand how cruel and narrow-minded and racist people can be, the names are still there in your head. The wounds from the fights I got into healed in a few days and are long forgotten, but not the names.
Tyra Banks, who was once one of the highest paid models in the world, to this day rarely wears her hair in a natural style. As senseless as it may sound to some, it goes back to the names white girls used to call her at school:
It sticks with us as adults. It sticks with us for ever. I was called the nappy-headed girl … The girls at school had straight, long hair. I didn’t have hair like them. I didn’t feel as beautiful as them. As an adult, yes, I know that’s wrong now but there is still something embedded in me because I heard it over and over and over again as a child. As a child I heard that over and over and over again. So no matter how much of an adult I am now and how clear-thinking I am, I still have to fight that. I still have to fight that.
The story “The Ugly Duckling” has a happy ending, but life is not quite that simple, not even for world-famous supermodels. You hear something enough times a part of you begins to believe it, especially when you are young.
That saying also misleads the name-callers: while they most certainly do mean to hurt you and cut you down, they think it will have no lasting effect. Because it does not leave a mark that anyone can see.
It also misleads them into thinking racist jokes are harmless: Ha, ha, lighten up, it’s just a joke. Wrong. Not only are they at someone’s expense and so just plain mean, but they help to strengthen racist stereotypes.
When you get older the names pretty much stop, but unfortunately nothing in American culture supports the idea that it is because white people become less racist when they grow up. It seems they merely become more polite.
Knowing my readership I must point out that, yes, of course, not just people of colour get called names. And yes, they hurt just as much when applied to a white person. But please keep in mind that not being white is not a choice, it cannot be hidden, it cannot be changed and, even worse, the racism that underlies the names goes way beyond childhood.
The good news, though, is that if words can hurt they can also heal.
See also:
Did she get a nose job?
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^Yes. More than one.
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I remember the racial slurs thrown my way throughout my childhood. And it’s something you don’t and won’t forget.
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Ha, ha, lighten up
Is this supposed to be some sort of double entendre? 🙂
Is teasing why Tyra wears various shades of blonde hair too? Or why she chopped off her nose?
The thing I never understood about Tyra is that on America’s Next Top Model, and on her talk show, she tries to promote diverse forms of beauty and get the idea out there that you don’t have to be white and thin to be beautiful. And while I think she’s been somewhat successful in this endeavor, doesn’t she realize that this promotion could/should start with her? I remember this girl with an afro was trying out for one cycle of ANTM and Tyra said she liked her hair and she might do that “some day.”
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A slight drift here…or maybe not…
From an African centred perspective,
The word ‘nommo’ is very important
In the Afrikan ontology, the universe is constructed as a relationship of unified forces (Richards, 1981). The vibration of forces in the universe are subject to Nommo, the Word, in Muntu beings. Muntu signifies a spiritual force that possesses ubwenge or active intelligence. The catagory Muntu includes God/dess, lesser deities and spirits, and the three categories of human beings- the living dead/ancestors, the living, the living unborn/descendants. Janheiz Jahn identifies four categories of being in Afrikan cosmology: 1) Muntu -the human being, et al. (plural: bantu), 2) Kintu -thing (plural: bintu), 3) Hantu -place and time, 4) Kuntu -modality (Jahn, 1990). Kuntu is closely related to Nommo, for it corresponds to the rhetorical expression of Nommo; it pertains to the effectiveness and beauty of the word, to its form and the manner of its utterance. Each category is essentially NTU, universal vibratory force, vitalistic beingness. The reader may notice that NTU is the phonemic root of each of the four categories (Jahn, 1990). NTU is the beingness of being, but cannot be experienced separate from its manifestations in the four categories. Nommo is the vehicle through which a muntu commands, manipulates, and negotiates NTU. The word is the life force of the impersonal NTU in the universe. The will to live, the practice of living, the principle of life reside in the breath and the heat and the moisture of our words, in our Nommo.
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And even in Buddhism (Eightfold path) we find this
principle:
‘Right Speech’
The importance of speech in the context of Buddhist ethics is obvious: words can break or save lives, make enemies or friends, start war or create peace.
Buddha explained right speech as follows: 1. to abstain from false speech, especially not to tell deliberate lies and not to speak deceitfully, 2. to abstain from slanderous speech and not to use words maliciously against others, 3. to abstain from harsh words that offend or hurt others, and 4. to abstain from idle chatter that lacks purpose or depth.
Positively phrased, this means to tell the truth, to speak friendly, warm, and gently and to talk only when necessary.
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Abagond,
I understand what you are saying here, but by decrying racial/ethnic jokes (i.e. jokes about a person’s family since races are large extended families that inbreed to some extent) you are on a slippery slope toward decrying all jokes. Let’s face it, most jokes are at the expense of SOMEONE. People can be offended by the most seemingly innocuous joke or statement.
Suppose I agree to not tell racial/ethnic jokes (not that I do anyway, but sometimes I laugh at them). Ok. Can I tell jokes about fat people? Or thin people. How about bald people? Can I make fun of non-mentally retarded stupid people. Can I ridicule pompous asses? Where does one draw the line?
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The theme of this entry correlates very well with today’s episode of the C.O.W.S. radio show (Context Of White Supremacy). Gus the show host interviews Dr. Joe Feagin about racist jokes and backstage/frontstage language whites use about blacks and how much white people use racist jokes about blacks when there are no non-white people around. The show can be found on blogtalkradio.
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But please keep in mind that not being white is not a choice, it cannot be hidden, it cannot be changed
This is correct. However, race is not the only physical thing you can’t change or choose.
I like this post but I am not sure if it’s about cruel jokes and name calling and their impact, or just racist name calling?
Abagond, the cruel and racist names you heard as a child are horrible- but they made you who you are today. Well, not just name calling, but I bet that opened your eyes and made you realize the reality.
As for the jokes… I must admit I prefer politically incorrect jokes. Be it about my group or not. If nothing else, they can tell us a lot about what people in one culture really think about various groups of people. The problem is when people start telling only jokes that don’t make fun of their group. Remember, in order to make fun of somebody you should first make fun of yourself.
My fav jokes are about politicians, but I admit I dislike them all (politicians) so I don’t see anything bad about those jokes. But it’s off topic here.
PS-I was unsure if I should post here or not. Most of my childhood and teenage years I’ve been victim of name calling. Some of it was related to physical appearance, and some of it not.
I know it sounds irritating to hear white people trying to relate to “black” problems, but I can really relate to this post.
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I hate the sticks and stones saying because when you have sayings like “The pen is mightier than the sword” the whole sticks and stones thing is crap.
As for Tyra I don’t think she had a nose job and it maybe makeup contouring. If you look at a recent picture of hair her nose looks about the same
But then again I could be wrong
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aiyo, you wrote:
“I hate the sticks and stones saying because when you have sayings like “The pen is mightier than the sword” the whole sticks and stones thing is crap.”
News flash — the Sword is many times mightier than the pen.
No war was begun, fought or won with a pen.
However, it is true that in a Democracy, the pen has great power. But nowhere else.
However, in most places in the world, unrestrained use of a pen can lead to the death of the pen-user.
Consider the fatwah placed on the life of Salman Rushdie for writing The Satanic Verses. The attempted murder of the Swedish cartoonist for his drawing of a dog with the head of Muhammad. The death threats and killings that followed the publication in Denmark of cartoons ridiculing Muhammad.
The beheading in Pakistan of Daniel Pearl for his work as a reporter for the Wall Street Journal.
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Tyra Banks is well paid because she can model clothes that appeal to white women. Thus, her claims of feeling injured by unkind comments about her nappy hair carry no weight.
At worst the comments probably drove her to understand beauty while teaching her how to capitalize on it.
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RR said:
Interesting question and it’s tough to draw the line where offensiveness goes too far. I think the best way to answer this is to ask what would the world think of me if I told this joke out loud in public? How quickly would I be forgiven? You see if Jay Leno told a bald joke, bald guy might only be mildly offended but would brush it off. If he went on there and told a joke about the holocaust it would be another story. How deeply offended the target would be determines how offensive the joke is. Something’s offensiveness is entirely a subjective matter.
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Great post!
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tulio,
Yes. I think it would be easy to gauge a single individual’s level of comfort with racial/ethnic banter and just tone it down if they are sensitive. But what if you were addressing a small group? What does one do then? Should all jokes be avoided? What if we allow only people of a particular racial/ethnic group to tell jokes about that group? What if you are a comedian, like Sarah Silverman, who tells really offensive and really FUNNY jokes about Jews, Christians, blacks, gays etc?
Another downside to banning racial/ethnic jokes is that would also lead to less constructive criticism directed at the protected group. Even if a particular stereotype has a high degree of truth to it, like the high percentage of blacks focusing on basketball, jokes and comments regarding this reality are off limits because somebody somewhere will be offended. Even if the jokes/criticism might help blacks. This is the real danger. Groups and individuals who are insulated from jokes/criticism have a tendency not to be held accountable for their behavior. This is a real danger. There might not have been a Civil Rights movement if whites were insulated from jokes/criticism.
I think we really need to think about this. One day, we discourage racial jokes, the next day, we have hate speech legislation. I know Abagond is not advocating hate speech laws be passed (are you?), but his post seems to clear the way for easier passage of such legislation. It is a slippery slope, man!
There is too great an emphasis on feelings. Tyra got the last laugh on those girls who made fun of her nappy hair. She seems better for it. According to the American Association of University Women, young black girls have higher levels of self esteem than any other group…except young black males. How, exactly have we blacks been helped by this? We haven’t, and we have the out-of-wedlock birth rates to prove it. Perhaps we need MORE, not fewer, racial/ethnic jokes.
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@Aiyo:
Oh, I wish I kept an old magazine issue of Tyra at 18! I would’ve scanned it. She didn’t have her nose job yet. However, please check this out starting at 5:29. Tyra appeared in Michael Jackson’s 1991 Black Or White music video and you can see her original nose. She was 17 at the time.
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That’s a pretty dramatic nose change. There was nothing wrong with her original nose. It looks like a cute button nose to me. I don’t think her new one adds much to her looks, really. I don’t have any problem with people getting rhinoplasty if they have a seriously deformed looking nose, but I don’t understand why people with perfectly normal noses feel the need to change them.
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@ leigh204: strangely appropriate that you chose a Michael Jackson clip on a post relating to nose jobs and racial insecurities!
@ no_slappz: you trying to find a way to turn this thread into a discussion of the evils of Islam?
They should make a comedy show about you.
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Some of the work I do is in the field of domestic violence, and there are many women who report that the “names” (constant verbal and mental abuse from their partner) are so much more debilitating than the “sticks and stones” (physical abuse).
That is certainly not true of all cases of course but it is a very common experience.
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eurasian sensation, you wrote:
“@ no_slappz: you trying to find a way to turn this thread into a discussion of the evils of Islam?”
The examples of islamic violence were easy and known worldwide.
Locally, there was a stabbing, fatal, I think, at a NY City high school on Friday.
At a school in Washington Heights, which is upper Manhattan, a group of Dominicans were taunting a Mexican. The verbal abuse escalated and eventually led to the knifing.
Actually, on Friday there were three stabbings in NY City schools, all involving “minority” students.
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Ethnic jokes might be a good idea for a post.
Politically incorrect jokes of all kinds are good, because they reveal what people really think.
Of course, there are jokes and jokes. “How do you call a group of X at the bottom of a lake? A good start” is a bad example. It is cruel and morbid, never funny (even if X are lawyers or politicians), and they don’t reveal much.
Banning offensive jokes is bad because, like others said, where would you stop? There would be less and less accessible targets for it. So you are left with toiler humor only. Pardon my language, but sh.t doesn’t seem to offend anyone. It’s a lame humor, though. In fact, I can already see it happening in the American movies.
Sorry for the off topic.
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You know there are a lot of things I disagree with abagond about, but at least he has the character to not censor comments, hmmm hmmm “No Slappz,” and people who disagree with him. Much respect for that!
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Yes. That’s what I respect about him.
Also, he seems like a guy who prefer to know what people really think and let them say it.
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abagond, you wrote:
“Tyra Banks, who was once one of the highest paid models in the world, to this day rarely wears her hair in a natural style. As senseless as it may sound to some, it goes back to the names white girls used to call her at school:”
The Names White Girls Used to Call Her?
Where did Banks attend high school? Frankly, I think she’s fabricating about the taunting. And it’s possible to check. Someone who knew her in high school is reachable through Classmates.com.
It would be interesting to gather some opinions from other people who were there, in her high school, at the same time. Undoubtedly they would recall their high school history in a different way.
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Tyra Banks was also riduculed mercilessly by black classmates because she was so thin. She’s spoken of that often.
But I don’t doubt at all that she experienced racism as well.
Seems like she had a hard time fitting in with anyone.
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No_Slappz fancies women on this blog, why else does he frequent this blog so much? 😉
He doesn’t agree with anyone/anything here, must be the ladies, lol
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MerriMay Said:
“No_Slappz fancies women on this blog, why else does he
frequent this blog so much?
He doesn’t agree with anyone/anything here, must be the ladies, lol”
I wouldn’t blame him!
With pretty girls like you, islandgirl, leigh204 etc, who needs porn!? 🙂
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@MerriMay:
NS frequents this blog because hardly anyone visits his blog. lol. 😉
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No_Slappz fancies something on this blog but it ain’t the women. No_slappz favours his mouth running like a duck’s behind, or should I say “typing and regaling readers with nonsense and diversions”.
Vin, get a hold of yourself now!
@EurasianSensation:
The slappz trifecta: Blacks, Muslims and women!
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LOL @ Vindicator, Leigh204 and Herneith!
:))
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I hadn’t noticed that No_Slappz has a blog, I just browsed through. There now No_Slappz you had a visitor/hit today 🙂 You got my attention!
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Names do hurt, but you can heal from it even though it may linger in your head for years to come. I’ve noticed that children who had to endure taunting, name-calling and being ignored in school are usually the ones who turn out to be great, while the ones who were popular, cute and etc, turn out to be “not so great”. Not all of the time, of course, but there seems to be a pattern. Maybe the ridicule that one endures while younger is preparation for what’s great to come…..
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A propos, there are some darn cute girls that post on this site. Just sayin’. Abagond must be doing something right. Maybe I need to start a blog of my own! 😀
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I agree with previous posters, names do hurt and harm people. I was called names by others so many times that I never forget and some posters on this board are telling me and others to get over it. It’s easy if you’re a privilege white man, but don’t tell others who suffer from racist and sexist attacks to get over it. It hurts far worse than the actual name-calling. I’m just sick of nonblacks minimizing black pain. It’s getting on my nerves.
La Reyna
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I like Tyra. Nose job or not. She is indeed a beautiful black woman who’s doing her thing. She is beyond a shadow of a doubt one of the best models out there. But there’s one thing I don’t like about Tyra. Its the hair weaves. Sometime, they can look really nice and natural looking. Other times it can look to Europeanish. To blonde & straight. Other then that Tyra is an amazing woman with a good since of humor. Humility. And as she would call it, Fierce. She is all that and them some.
Fan of Tyra.
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yes I always told this phrase as a kid and even then I know it was a lot of rubbish.
words cut deeper than a knife sometimes. you can ‘forget’ physical pain but its much tougher to forget emotional pain.
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To no_slappz:
Where did Banks attend high school? Frankly, I think she’s fabricating about the taunting. And it’s possible to check. Someone who knew her in high school is reachable through Classmates.com.
Tyra Banks attended an all female private Catholic school in LA. I wouldn’t find it surprising that she was teased about her appearance in that environment.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyra_Banks
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Heart_High_School_%28Los_Angeles%29
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This may seem petty seeing the weight of this post’s topic but Tyra didn’t have a nose job.
She contours her nose. Many black female celebs do. It’s believed to make them look more “photogenic”. Oprah also contours her nose . Her actual nose is very broad and flat. Her makeup artist, the famous Reggie Wells, does some great tricks to contour it and make it look thinner. Tyra does the same.
Tyra is a former supermodel. She knows all the tricks of the trade.
Yet another reason to NEVER use celebrities as guides to beauty.
NONE OF IT IS REAL.
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This post is really touching. I know from my own experiences with people, that words can hurt really bad and it does stay with you. It’s sad to say that in society today, there are still a lot of racist, cruel and judgmental people.
I will be honest and say that it’s not only racist white people that use words to hurt. Some black people and other non black people can be just as cruel. This is particularly true if you don’t fit into what they think a black person should be like. Many think like racist white people, that all black people are the same. They judge you and assume things about you because of racist stereotypes.
This may sound silly but I will share this one example.
I can think of one way in which this affects me. I’m a black female and I have really long hair, so people unfairly assume that my hair is a weave because I am black. Some people will even treat me rudely and be hateful just because of something as petty as that. I feel that society has a long way to go to truly accept people that are different or don’t fit into their narrow minded views.
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To Mynameismyname:
This may seem petty seeing the weight of this post’s topic but Tyra didn’t have a nose job.
She contours her nose. Many black female celebs do. It’s believed to make them look more “photogenic”.
Ahh that would explain why her nose in some recent photos looks like the nose she had in high school.
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uncle milton,
According to the wiki entry for Banks, she began modelling in 11th grade and was a big hit from the start.
Hence, any cracks about her looks from fellow students were meaningless nonsense. Obviously she was stunning from an early age.
The possibility that she had not developed a little personal armor by the time she was in high school is hardly a reason to think she was actually brutalized by some mean girls.
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This may seem petty seeing the weight of this post’s topic but Tyra didn’t have a nose job.
…Tyra had a nose job(s), and obviously so. She had the bridge and tip narrowed and defined, but left the nostrils so her nose can still appear wide if she flares them.
Compare this:
to this (no make-up):
http://cdn.channel.aol.com/channels/07/02/446b5b1f-0007a-033d1-400cb8e1
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@Natasha:
I definitely see it. The apparent nosejob, I mean.
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@La Reyna:
I’m sorry for what happened to you. I totally understand. It’s funny (not haha funny) how some people can be so downright cruel to others. To this day, I still remember all the names and the faces of the jerks who pulled their eyes and called me every Asian slur under the rainbow. I also recall those awful moments such as racial slurs being scrawled on my parents’ garage, car smeared with feces, and the windows smashed in. Yeah, I’m over it. *sarcasm*
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leigh204, you wrote:
“To this day, I still remember all the names and the faces of the jerks who pulled their eyes and called me every Asian slur under the rainbow. I also recall those awful moments such as racial slurs being scrawled on my parents’ garage, car smeared with feces, and the windows smashed in.”
Can you describe the guilty parties?
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leigh204
I told you No_Slappz fancies you, look how concerned he is!
lol 😉
Why dodn’t you describe em for him so he could hurt them for you 🙂
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@MerriMay:
lol! You think? 😉
Oh, I can definitely tell you the racist jerks who said all these nasty slurs to my face during my childhood. Hmm. Where do I begin? Let’s see. Oh, for starters. They’re of the Caucasian persuasion. All male. One kid had sandy blonde hair with bug eyes. Quite short. I’d say 4’6″ at the time. Another kid had brown hair with a smattering of freckles across his nose. He was missing a tooth. He had a habit of spitting while talking. There was also a child with frizzy brown curls and green eyes. It reminded me of a snake somewhat. Kind of scary. I could go on if you like.
Regarding what happened with my parents, well, I’m guessing it would most likely be of the Caucasian persuasion since the neighborhood was pretty much all Caucasian. Does that answer your question?
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Oh man Leigh204 you just gave him some 1 on 1, you just made his day!
*No_Slappz last seen crossing the Canadian border in search of bug eyed blond kids to beat up* haha
LMAO sorry Abagond, I’ll stop now 😉
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LOL.
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@MerriMay:
Oh, dear. I’m afraid he’s going to get his rocks off simply because I responded. *shudders*
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LMAO. I am imagining the two of you on a date.
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Oh, heavens no, abagond! The mere thought makes me want to immerse myself into scalding water. Besides, he has cooties. I don’t want him anywhere near my general vicinity.
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leigh204,
So the culprits were white children. Children.
Sorry, but taunting from children is something we can get over by the time we become adults.
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@no_slappz:
Of course, children taunt. DUH! They just happen to be jerky, WHITE children who made racial taunts.
Seriously, no_slappz or whatever you call yourself. I’m flattered. Okay, I’m really not. LMAO! Get over yourself, silly guy you.
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In the younger pic, Tyra’s nose isn’t noticeable at first which means it blends in with the rest of her face. Her eyes are beautiful and are the first thing I notice.
Now in the older pic, her nose is very noticeable. I actually notice it before I notice her eyes. And that’s not good. There was nothing wrong with her original nose.
She’s pretty either way. She’s just one of many celebs who got a nose job who didn’t need one.
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“Sorry, but taunting from children is something we can get over by the time we become adults.”
Hoepfully. But what you forget no_slappz is that childhood experience plays an enormous role in determining how that child will face the world in future. Which is why children who undergo various kinds of abuse sometimes have difficulty coping with certain things as adults, or have lasting impacts on their self-esteem. Kids who experience trauma, for example, can sometimes have stunted brain development in the hippocampus.
Hopefully people do get over it and move on, but it’s not always as simple as it sounds.
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leigh204 said:
“@MerriMay:
leigh204
I told you No_Slappz fancies you, look how concerned he is!
lol
Why dodn’t you describe em for him so he could hurt them for you
lol! You think?
Can you describe the guilty parties?
Oh, I can definitely tell you the racist jerks who said all these nasty slurs to my face during my childhood. Hmm. Where do I begin? Let’s see. Oh, for starters. They’re of the Caucasian persuasion. All male. One kid had sandy blonde hair with bug eyes. Quite short. I’d say 4′6″ at the time. Another kid had brown hair with a smattering of freckles across his nose. He was missing a tooth. He had a habit of spitting while talking. There was also a child with frizzy brown curls and green eyes. It reminded me of a snake somewhat. Kind of scary. I could go on if you like.
Regarding what happened with my parents, well, I’m guessing it would most likely be of the Caucasian persuasion since the neighborhood was pretty much all Caucasian. Does that answer your question?”
He still wouldn’t believe you anyway! It’s funny how no_slappz always wants us to prove our statement yet he never does it himself!
What a tool and a douche!
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eurasian sensation, you wrote:
“But what you forget no_slappz is that childhood experience plays an enormous role in determining how that child will face the world in future.”
Since childhood is filled with millions of experiences, it’s stretching things to claim that one’s life can be turned upside down after being taunted for having a big nose. However, as we know, it is possible to improve a nose.
You wrote:
“Which is why children who undergo various kinds of abuse sometimes have difficulty coping with certain things as adults, or have lasting impacts on their self-esteem.”
Abuse? What does that mean? This is another term with a fluid definition that turns it into a word that, as Humpty Dumpty said, means exactly what I want it to mean, nothing more and nothing less.
Are we talking about beatings? Being chained to a radiator and deprived of food? Sexual abuse? Daily verbal attacks from parents? Or razzing on the playground?
You wrote:
“Kids who experience trauma, for example, can sometimes have stunted brain development in the hippocampus.”
Trauma? Again, what does that mean?
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Natasha,
LOL!
We’re not going to get into this again but….
Tyra did not have a nose job.
It’s called contouring. Many black female celebs do it.
Like I said above, Tyra is a former supermodel. She knows all of the tricks of the trade.
If you watch Tyra’s daily gabfest, you’ll notice that she poses certain ways to make herself look thinner. She also knows which side of her face she wants to be focused. Her “good” side, so to speak.
Celebs have access to the best makeup specalists and image consultants that money can buy. They know what they’re doing. Especially someone like Tyra, whose rose to fame in a vanity industry.
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mynameismyname,
The pictures speak for themselves. People can see what is right in front of their faces, hopefully.She has no makeup on in that picture (plus, who said one could not have a nose job if they use contouring, I can think of many celebs who do…), yet her nose is the same. One of the most obvious nose jobs ever. She might continue slimming it down, end up looking like Jacko/Lil’ Kim, and then I’ll be saying “I told you so!” 🙂
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“Sorry, but taunting from children is something we can get over by the time we become adults.”
Maybe. But just look at you, man! You’ve obviously not gotten over being taunted as an aspie nerd yet.
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Leigh204,
Do you consider the term “Asian” offensive? Wouldn’t you prefer to simply be called an American?
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Probably not: she is Canadian.
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@Redman9250:
Yes, I am Canadian. 😀 Even if I were an American, I would not be seen as such. You’ll look at me and there’s no way I’d be mistaken for American let alone Canadian…EVER. I cannot speak on behalf of other Asian people. Personally, I don’t find the term “Asian” offensive as I am also of Asian descent. However, I have known of Asian families having five or six generations born and raised in Canada. Yet, they’re seen as outsiders or as abagond mentioned in one of his posts: https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/10/02/the-perpetual-foreigner-stereotype/
I do bristle whenever I hear the term “Oriental”, though. I am reminded of an object such as an oriental rug. Furthermore, Oriental as terminology puts all Asians into the same group even though SE Asians and South Asians have their own distinct identities as well as cultural differences.
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leigh204,
Thanks for the reply.
abagond,
Keep up the good work man. Your blog has led me to improve my bad grammar and writing.
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i hate that whole saying because words do hurt a lot, especially from childhood. everybody is different when it comes to dealing with verbal abuse. some can take it and deal with it while others don’t and feel as if they’re not good enough or pretty enough for anyone. i know what it’s like to feel bad about yourself and it’s not easy getting over it like a lot of people want to say. and as far as tyra having surgery, i disagree because she always had a wide nose and still does. she knows how to work her body and features. she has said this on her show many times but then again since she’s a celebrity you never know what’s real or fake these days.
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@lil’vina:
It is definitely more painful than having sticks and stones hurled at you. At least, with bruises or cuts, they heal. Emotional scars tend to take a much longer time to heal.
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I think what happened to me regarding racial slurs and eye pulling gestures made me very mindful not to be cruel and hurtful towards others.
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Verbal sticks and stones can often degenerate into real sticks and stones. If someone insults you and you insult them back better they may want to retaliate in other ways e.g. physically.
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i’m learning to become a stronger person, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. words hurt but i do realize that at some point i shouldn’t let the pettiness get to me because people choose to be rude and ignorant to people who can’t defend themselves.
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@lil’vina:
I’m truly sorry that some people were so hurtful to you. In my culture, we strongly believe in karma. The stuff you put out comes back to you. And I’m sure those people will get what’s coming to them in some way. What’s that old saying? What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. I’m glad you got through it. It only makes you a better and happier person. 😀
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well there were some people that picked on me but i had to deal with it from my father as well and that was really hard because it seems no matter how hard i tried it was never good enough and he found a way to bring me down as a young girl and it hurts. that’s why i get mad at people who say words can’t hurt but for most people it does, especially when it comes from your parent. it took a while for me to see i am worthy of something and not let negative people in my life and although i still struggle with it at times but i agree with the saying, what don’t kill you makes you stronger and i am becoming a stronger person.
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obama never gets the respect he deserves and this is our new president and is trying to make america better but because of bush’s decisions, obama has to clean up his dirty work and gets blamed for it. but that’s another story. it took me a while to have strength and i will say it is easy to be strong and learn to keep people are positive and real in my life. and then you have kids, mainly white kids, going to schools and bringing guns and killing everyone just because they were picked on. it’s not right to pick on someone but what makes it right to take another person’s life?
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When I hear people killing themselves over bullying it just crushes me. I was reading a book (ok it was a manga) of a girl who was being bullied and she was cutting herself I could not turn the page without crying because I know people who have cut themselves and even committed suicide because of bullying.
As for Lil Kim that poor girl she was so pretty before even in her mug shot she looked damn good but now. She has said that her ex boyfriends would dump her for a lighter skinned women and if anyone has watched the Notorious movie you can see how Biggie (who was not the most attractive male out there) used her a jump off chick and married Faith Evans. Biggie was also teased too about being fat and being dark.
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lil’vina,
Did people tease you because you were/are thin?
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Aiyo – when you say “know”, are you in St. Louis, MO? If this is the same story I’m thinking of, that woman was basically ran out of town.
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@ColorOfLuv
No lolthere was supposed to be a cooma there but the keyboard i am using is acting all weird for some reason lol
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islandgirl, i really wasn’t teased for being thin but people have made certain comments about my body that made me feel insecure because i wasn’t voluptuous and whatnot. but my verbal abuse comes from feeling you’re not good enough or smart enough to do anything and i had to deal with that as a young girl. people always say well you need to get over it. well it maybe easy for you but someone who’s been constantly bullied about you they are then how can you overcome that? like i said before i’m learning to not have negative people in life and not let the pettiness get to me. but the truth is i like being skinny and not ashamed of it anymore because people think you’re skinny and it’s looked as being a negative thing. i can’t help the way i look. sometimes you have to ignore and put a wall up to people that want to say ignorant things about you because you don’t look a certain way or act different. but i do agree with you said that people don’t realize how words do affect people and then they wonder why others go off the way they do. it’s not right but what makes it right to pick on someone?
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Aww, lil’vina. Girl, I’m sending you a virtual hug your way.
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leigh, LOL girl thank you and i will send one back to you. and for islandgirl, i agree. the haters should be my motivators to keep me going in life because i know they always have something to say but hey it’s cool. whatever god has something for me i’m going for it and don’t need evil people around me. i could’ve been ashamed for being thin because of what society or even my people think when it comes to beauty but why should i? if women can embrace being curvy or full figured then why not thin women should feel beautiful?
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Words set many people on the path of self-destruction. And so often, they are well meaning, said innocently, in ignorance, except for the most notorious. Or they are said jokingly, as if the speaker get’s a ‘pass’ because he is friends with someone who is different than him. Growing up the word ‘crippled’ was common. I had it applied to me when I was diagnosed with bone cancer. It hollowed me. It haunts me. So yeah, I get it, and applaud your post.
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