Damali Ayo, that wonderful woman, has five steps that anyone can do to help end racism:
For white people:
- Admit it: You have a race. So does everyone. Use the words “white people”. Know that racism still goes on in America and you benefit. Know that your opinions are shaped by the white experience.
- Listen: When a person of colour trusts you enough to tell you about an experience with racism, just listen. Do not try to explain it away or somehow make it better.
- Educate yourself: Read up on racism on your own, in books and on the Internet. Read books and see films by people of colour. They are part of your country, you should know this stuff. But please do not ask people of colour all kinds of strange questions!
- Broaden your experience: But only after the first three steps! Go alone to events and places where most people are not white – not as a tourist but to break out of your limited whitebread world. The same with your friends: you should have good friends from all sorts of backgrounds.
- Take action: When someone says something racist, point it out, even if it is your friend or your mother. Be gentle but firm, civil but direct. Coming from you as a white person it will have a much bigger effect . The same with the media: write a letter to the editor and say that you are white. At work and at school push for a better mix of people – it is better for everyone, even white people.
For people of colour:
- Get real: Be yourself! Be who you truly and deeply are, not what you see on television (those are stereotypes). Love yourself and teach your children to do the same. Love each other: when white people see us tearing each other down, they think it is all right to do it too.
- Speak out: When someone says something racist, you must speak up: people will notice your silence and draw conclusions. Listen to white people. Know of materials that you can point them towards to find out more about racism.
- Educate yourself: Know the true history of race in America. Teach it to your children and teach them to be proud of their race. Know that the stereotypes that white people have affect you from the inside too.
- Build ties: Other races have had it bad too in America, not just yours. Read “A Different Mirror” by Ronald Takaki. You should have good friends from all sorts of backgrounds, white ones too.
- Take care: Do not let racism or anger consume you. Sometimes it is better just to walk away from a racist act, especially when you are too tired or angry, but let people know that that is what you are doing.
There is way more at Damali Ayo’s website, fixracism.com. Thanks to Macon D at Stuff White People Do for his great interview with Damali Ayo where I found out about this.
See also:
You’re welcome Abagond! And thanks back to you for this post.
(Btw, I second the Takaki recommendation. His book Iron Cages is good too, as it explains some of the formations and formative qualities/definitions of whiteness in a very accessible and engaging way.)
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racism must not be too bad aba, you can lust over white womenz.
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Please lay off of it, Jasmine. He’s a brotha who is trying his best to present all points of view. He’s pro-sistas. His writings reflect such sentiment all the time. He’s not a white woman lover. Never have, never will.
La Reyna
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I read Macon d’s blog & I watched Damali Ayo’s one-on-one with O’Reilly on youtube. He mispronounced her name (Damali). When she gracefully corrected him, he dismissed her–saying something to the effect of “I’m Irish, I have a hard time with foreign names, give me a ‘Sean’ & I’m fine.”
O’Reilly is a skeeze.
Anyway, I like Ms. Ayo. Insightful and funny.
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Abagond said:
But please do not ask people of colour all kinds of strange questions!
Have you already done a post on questions white people should not ask poc? If so, could you link it for me? If not, I think it would make a good post.
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Temple: I hate (hate hate hate!) when people refuse to try to pronounce names correctly on the grounds that they’re foreign. I have one of those “strange foreign” names and I go through this quite often. To me, it’s the ultimate disrespect when I break my name down phonetically for a person and then they dimiss me.
It’s really a perfect example of white privilege. “To say your name correctly, I’d probably have to try a few times before I got it right. But I’m not going to do that because I don’t repect you enough to do so. Obviously, your name is weird because it’s not like anything I’ve ever heard. Your parents should have named something that is easier for me to pronounce.”
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BuenaventuraAvenue said:
Abagond said:
But please do not ask people of colour all kinds of strange questions!
Have you already done a post on questions white people should not ask poc? If so, could you link it for me? If not, I think it would make a good post.
No, no post like that, but it is a good idea.
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Thanks, La Reyna.
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Have you already done a post on questions white people should not ask poc? If so, could you link it for me? If not, I think it would make a good post.
Looks like Black in Alberta is getting to work on that.
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Come to think of it, Damali Ayo’s Rent a Negro also has quite a few of them too:
http://www.rent-a-negro.com/
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That is a very good list.
However, I have a depressing feeling that the people who need to read it most will accuse it of “reverse-racism”.
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TO LA REYNA:
ARE YOU BLIND??? Don’t you see the post with him praising up the white girl with your own eyes????
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You have a race. So does everyone. Use the words “white people”.
Happy to.
I have a depressing feeling that the people who need to read it most will accuse it of “reverse-racism”.
Whites: shut up and listen. “People of colour”: lecture and accuse. “Reverse-racism”? No such thing. Racism is racism.
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Jasmine: I generally prefer black women, but that does not mean that all white women are ugly or something. I am not blind. Every race has its beautiful women.
More here:
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im from the school of you cant talk about white people call them racist, then go fantasize about their women. is that race oppressing you or not? to me, it is a contradiction. it is hypocritical and is a form of insanity.
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That is an interesting idea. Frantz Fanon thought that whites were racist, even wrote books about it, and yet he was hung up on white women. I know it does not make sense, but so it is.
In my own case, I doubt I am as hung up on them as you seem to think. I have never even been with a white woman.
And, in the case of Megan Fox, “lust” and “fantasize” are too strong. She is beautiful, yes, at least as Hollywood presents her, but she is way too thin for my tastes. Ask Lil’vina or Anon, they will tell you.
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sanabituranima said:
However, I have a depressing feeling that the people who need to read it most will accuse it of “reverse-racism”.
It seems that nonserviam proved your point:
Whites: shut up and listen. “People of colour”: lecture and accuse. “Reverse-racism”? No such thing. Racism is racism.
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okay aba.
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Frantz Fanon thought that whites were racist, even wrote books about it, and yet he was hung up on white women. I know it does not make sense, but so it is.
Actually, it does. First, despite all the (post-)modern academic nonsense, politics and sexuality have very little to do with each other. We like what we like, not what an authority of any kind tells us to.
Second, what better way to stick it to the hated oppressor — and to prove your own worth (white women as a status symbol) — than to steal that which he guards so jealously?
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Jasmine said:
im from the school of you cant talk about white people call them racist, then go fantasize about their women.
I find your point of view interesting. I’m from the school of thought where attractive is attractive and I think Abagond is too.
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To above: there is no way i can call a race that has shown me and my ancesters NOTHING BUT THEIR ASS TO KISS ATTRACTIVE (damn, espially when they are really not!! brainwashed much?) the explanation you have provided shows HOW ONE RACE CONQUERS ANOTHER RACE. one race seems to be more logical and intelligent. HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOW ANOTHER RACE AS BEING MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN HIS OWN and that race is the race that controls THE WORLD.
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jasmine Says:
HOW ONE RACE CONQUERS ANOTHER RACE. one race seems to be more logical and intelligent. HE IS NOT GOING TO SHOW ANOTHER RACE AS BEING MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN HIS OWN
That made me shake my head and chuckle a bit. This is exactly the kind of mentality that has institutionalized oppression.
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jasmine, you are ridiculous. so, because a race has done sometihng to yours in the past, you cant see them as atrtractive? i think we all need to learn to open ourselves up, and accept new people or at least hear there opinions before we judge. im a white male who has lived and gone to schools with and around blacks my entire life, in a black city. if i didnt take the time to stumble on this website, i wouldnt of heard the opinions of these people on here. i feel as though hearin opinions from different people broadens my horizons. i COULD be ridiculous like you and say ” well, they dont like me cuz im white, and i cant change their opinions, and they gonna hate me for what some guys grandpa did!!!!so, ill just give up and not approach black women, or have black friends, or experience any other culture buy my own!!!!” but, if i did that, id be an immature, ignorant loser. so, instead, i have found that ive been living the 1st 3 or so rules to this “end racism” page for about 10 or so years. im 18, now. but, to some poeple, my opnion wont matter because of one thing.which contradicts the whole ending racism thing.
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we are all they same so why do we have 2 diffrent sections for white and for blacks……….
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Because white people’s relationship to racism is different than that of people of colour. But if you notice many of the steps are the same though have a different meaning depending on your race.
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The funny thing is that black people are often labelled as “too emotional” (in a bad way) and oversensitive, yet, just mention racism to white people and they get crazy, illogical and oversensitive.
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With all due respect,
As far as white/black relationships go, I say why not? I’m an African American teen, and honestly I say that if the person that you’re with treats you right, then what’s the problem? Isn’t the whole issue with racism that people judge and mistreat others because of their race? It pretty much helps to solve the racial issue. Yes, white people treated some group of minorities wrong at one time or another, but harboring harsh feelings today against the recent generations that didn’t have anything to do with it, then preaching “end racism” is hypocritical because we are feeding into the hatred of another race. Racism goes both ways, not one. Let’s not forget about some of the white people and other races that suffered alongside us in our struggle in the Civil Rights movement instead of just standing by and letting their race dominate. No two white or black or asian or latino people are the same, so we should stop generalizing people of different races. We should really try to end racism instead of just talking about it and making oter people feel threatened and attacked because of what race their attracted to….we have bigger issues to worry about. 🙂
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*African American teen girl
Just thought I should add that part.lol
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I remember this far side cartoon, the caption was ” hey he is drawing you into his kind of fight”.. This is what this is, a person who sees thru the eyes of race is now demanding I see thru their eyes. HA.. sorry. not getting drawn into this fight… We have what ever identity we choose to have. period! Now it can be true that we can cultivate any part of anything then become that, but I am no more a race then I am a Women/Man or serial killer which I could also become if I choose. So if you want to look backwards sure be a race, if you want to transcend then give up this notion of ANY identity and refuse to see others this way as well. Some just demand you feel their pain of their past but you know you can see the painlessness of the present and forget the past instead!! So you tricky person (nope not even a W/M) good try but I am not falling for it. HA! I do not need to see your pain to know the bliss of now.. sorry.. your gonna have to let that stuff go!! ( now as a reality check, at 17 I gave up everything and was a monk for 7 years meditating for many hours a day in order to dissolve any sense of assumed identity, so I am not being flippant with my comments, more that I did in fact earn the right to make them, now I am certainly who I am but I also know what that is, is totally contrived and I can be ANYTHING I want to be, I have no limits but my own confidence. We are only what we tell ourselves what we are, we have no absolute identity at all, only what we choose to accept. period!) HA!!!
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I like the “how to non-racism”.
There is however something I don’t understand: why is it necessary to be proud of one’s race? Race is as much a coincidence outside my responsibility as into which nation and language I was born. It is nothing I had achieved. Different to any achievement in sport or school or love…
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@Wolfram
My take on this is that it’s necessary to be proud to counteract the forces that try to make us ashamed. I’m bisexual, it’s a coincidence and I had no control over it, so at first glance it seems ridiculous to be proud of the fact that I’m attracted to women as well as men. But, all through my life people have been saying, directly or implied, that bi and gay people are weird, disgusting, shameful, evil. At school the history and societal contributions of queer people wasn’t taught, if a famous figure was queer then their sexuality was never mentioned as if it was a shameful or inappropriate detail; at the time it was illegal in my country for teachers to “promote”(!) homosexuality. So when I say “I’m proud to be bi”, I’m not saying “I’m proud that I happen to be attracted to women”, I’m saying I deeply respect and feel connected to the gay rights campaigners, historical queer figures, and other queer people today, because we have faced and overcome similar challenges: I’m proud that I can consider myself one of this group. I’m proud that I’ve survived and formed a positive identity despite all the prejudice that for a while convinced me I was shameful and wrong.
There’s no need to teach a white child to be proud of their race, because there are no systematic forces in society that subtly tell children that white people are stupid or threatening or ugly. But sadly a black child *is* likely to receive that message about their race, so they need help to develop a positive black identity; they need to learn about black people’s achievements so they can be proud rather than ashamed to be connected with them.
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@ Wolfram
I agree with charmonium. If there were no racism, then racial pride and identity would be unnecessary as a psychological defence for people of colour against internalized racism.
As for whites, the trouble is not that they lack pride but that it is a sick, twisted pride that depends on putting down and dehumanizing others. It is in fact not true pride but profound insecurity.
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@ charmonium
Thank you very much for this insight. Understood.
@abagond
I get your point.
To me it still feels really strange. I’m German and I grew up with the knowledge of a really bad history of the culture I was born into. Killing all those jews and starting a worldwide killing spree and such. So, one of the things impossible to my generation is “to be proud to be a German”. Those few who claim to be proud of being German suffer exactly of this twisted pride.
The whole issue of race will come to my home though.
My brother and his wife couldn’t have babies, so they applied for adoption. As a pure coincidence they had been offered a black newly born, from a (muslim) Senegalese mother (who had been impregnated by the son of her Senegalese employer) who lived in Berlin. Reluctantly they accepted. It took minutes to fall in love with the boy. As did I (I’m his godfather). But of course, when the boy became 3 or 4 the color of the skin became an issue. Actually the family adopted another black orphan from Mali (just weeks before the war began) because they decided their son must not grow up being black alone in this family… Imagine the picture, oldish whities and their beautiful children.
This troubles (and enlightens!) me on so many levels. And then it doesn’t at all. I deeply love those children, when I close my eyes I feel their souls. When I open my eyes I see an African heritage and I ponder about genes (not race!) and gender and how much of the character comes from genes and how much is formed by the culture you are born into.
Basically I do believe in culture a lot more than I could ever believe in race (whatever that may be), yet I’m troubled about the conflicts that arise just by their skin color and their facial features. I do know it, I do look and feel differently to really different skin colors or facial features myself. Those feelings disappear as soon as I learn to know the people, but nevertheless, it’s an issue. Here, in Germany a dark skin color is (even in the best of circumstances) as if you’re wearing a costume all the time. It’s impossible to blend in.
Thanks again for this meaningful site!
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Thanks. Just wondering though what’s a strange comment?
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Wolfram you are a lame emasculated white westerner like all nowadays emasculated white western europeans incappable and to cowardly to feel pride for being German, French, Brit, whatever. Of course germany has bad history but it also contributed with lots of science and culture. And the feeling of the African soul is really fake, so typicall for guilty white westerners, so eager to impress. You people need a backbone.
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#4….”Go alone to events and places where most people are not white – not as a tourist but to break out of your limited whitebread world. The same with your friends: you should have good friends from all sorts of backgrounds.” Aforementioned is minimally bad advice and could be a final/fatal mistake. My wife and I and another white couple shortly post Woodstock attended a rock concert at a black HS sports arena. (Some of you oldsters may remember the Buddy Miles Express). It was one of the most foolish mistakes I’ve ever made. I don’t necessarily frighten easily having spent 13 mos in Vietnam 69-71. The vibe at the packed concert was one of intimidation and treatment was so bad, we had to leave early in spite of the fine music. Message received. Honor racial/tribal boundaries. We weren’t welcome and should have stayed to our own neighborhood. As I’m typing I’m recalling another memory of visiting the Plains Indian Museum in Browning, MT. Towards the end of my visit I was admiring the murals on interior walls which depicted a peaceful scene of Indians of both genders relaxing by a stream.. I approached the tall, fit looking Indian male at the information booth with a question. I asked, “Did the tribes sometimes get together socially? His response: “Only to steal their women and horses.”..In closing, I want to say that the benefits of “diversity” have been oversold. The people of Japan and Iceland have little diversity and do just fine. They also have much more time on their hands to discuss other things.
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Don’t let a racist act consume you? Too late…
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