Audre Lorde, in her essay “Eye to Eye” (1983), says that all the hate that has been poured into her by white people since she was a little black girl in Harlem in the 1930s is what makes her so angry. But that anger is not directed so much at white people, but at other black women. Because it will hit the mark. Because they remind her of herself, the self she cannot love and accept. Yet they are the only ones who could ever help to make her whole again.
The essay was shortened and printed in Essence magazine in October 1983, but you can read it in all its 30-page glory in her book “Sister Outsider”.
One winter when she was five she sat next to a rich white woman on the subway train. The woman pulled herself away from her and looked at her with such hate in her eyes. Lorde looked at her new snowsuit thinking there was something wrong with it. But it was not her snowsuit – it was her! Her Snowsuit Moment, as I call it.
One time she was at the library. The white lady there was reading “Little Black Sambo” and laughing. All the white children were laughing too. But she was not.
“SO WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU, ANYWAY? DON’T BE SO SENSITIVE!”
In a thousand and one ways she was told she was worthless, that she did not matter.
She has seen “my wished-for death, seen in the eyes of so many white people from the time I could see”.
All this hate that she could not understand got laid up in her heart over the years and in time became anger, “a molten pond at the core of me”, an everyday part of her – “I know the anger that lies inside of me like I know the beat of my heart and the taste of my spit.” Her daughter kept asking, “Are you angry about something, Mommy?”
But, “in order to withstand the weather, we had to become stone, and now we bruise ourselves upon the other who is closest.”
Not just by little acts of meanness, but also by the constant judgement by other black women: if you are not perfect you are no good – “the road to anger is paved with our unexpressed fear of each other’s judgement.”
The answer is for black women to mother and accept themselves and each other, “making a distinction between what is possible and what the outside world drives me to do in order to prove I am human”.
… I can look into the mirror and learn to love the stormy Black girl who once longed to be white or anything other than who she was, since all she was ever allowed to be was the sum of the color of her skin, and the textures of her hair, the shade of her knees and elbows, and those things were clearly not acceptable as human.
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Thanks for this post. It is excellent as usual. I really liked Audre and still enjoy her entire body of work. The most wonderful thing is that she made a use of her anger, a resolution within herself of how to deal with the racism she encountered. I keep a copy of Sister Outsider at work.
Why is your blog so addictive?
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I must say that I love reading your blog entries! My friend put me on to you a few days back, and I’ve been reading every day since then! It’s so refreshing to read honest and blunt opinions from someone. Thank you!
I definitely want to read that book at some point, and pass it on to the black females in my life.
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Wow! I thought this was going to be one of those posts that hardly anyone reads!
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So, I just happened along here, and I’m liking what I see. I need to pick up that Audre Lord book and expand my education.
I have a question about the bolded words in your writing – are those helpers for folks who are speed-reading or scanning your pieces, or just a random thing, or what? [just curious]
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The bolded words are for scanning. Many on the Web do not read but scan, looking for something.
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it’s an interesting theory. one that i consider to be true. Black woman lack the power in society to inflict damage on white people by the power of judgement, but inflicting pain by judgement on other black women is something that they can do. it’s sad that that is how it works but i have seen it so many times
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I love this blog; I must say. It inspired me to create my own. What you write about is truly unique and informative. It keeps me coming back. Ms. Lord was right on. As an African-American woman I can truly say that I don’t want to deal with other black women especially not in a store. The vibe of hatred that comes across makes me sick! Black women and I mean all black women must come to terms with their anger, the very critical, murderous anger they direct towards other, innocent black women.
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Hey Abagond,
I actually came across this post because you recommended it to another poster (I think it’s under “Why WM don’t marry BW part 3”).
Essence had an article on this subject a couple of issues ago–the article was titled “Black Women Behaving Badly”, and we had a discussion in it at a meeting of one of the clubs I run (it’s a social club for BW). Our general consensus was that a lot of the flack that gets thrown at BW for “hating on each other” could just as easily be thrown at women in general, but since WW aren’t viewed as a monolith, their spats have no racial implications to most. Just wanted to share. 🙂
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