A female-led relationship, also known as wife-led marriage or loving female authority by its advocates, is where the woman is the married head of the household and makes all the decisions. It is not a thing of whips and chains and leather (though sometimes it does become that!) – it is just a different power arrangement.
She makes all the decisions – about money, sex, housework, everything. She might ask her husband for his opinion, but she has the last word. He does not fight about it or disobey her. She does not nag, she does not play games to push his buttons – because she does not have to: they both openly accept her authority.
Some say it goes against nature or against the Bible. It certainly goes against the male pride of most men. But some secretly want it. They will even try “stealth submission” where they take over most of the housework and do whatever their wife wants without question – but even that is not enough for them. They want her to know she is in charge and act like it. It turns them on.
The man winds up doing most of the housework. Because she can just tell him to do it and he does it. For example, if she wants to go out with her friends while he works on the laundry, she just says it: “I’m going out with the girls tonight. While I’m gone you can work on the laundry.” No fights, no games, no nagging, no nothing.
Some other things she might say to him:
- Go get the lotion. I need you to rub my feet.
- Run my bath for me. And while I’m in there get started on the laundry.
- Get up, Sweetheart, and make me some coffee and an English muffin with butter.
- You did a nice job cleaning the bathrooms; I am very pleased with you.
- I think I need to put you on a budget. At the beginning of every week, I’ll give you an allowance. If an emergency comes up, please feel free to come to me and we can discuss giving you some extra money.
She not only controls their money but also their sex life:
- I want a full body massage for exactly one hour; keep an eye on the clock. When you are done I want you to go down on me until I tell you to stop. Afterwards, we’ll both go to sleep. You won’t be having an orgasm tonight.
Her needs come first. His come second – if he has been good. Some say a man is easiest to control if he comes only once a month. There are debates about this on the Internet as it is a key number in these relationships. It is hard for the man, but it makes sex way less boring for him.
- The dark side of female-led relationships
- Around Her Finger – where I got the examples from. This post is mostly based on what I read there.
- The five levels of female-led relationships
- The black matriarch stereotype
- Why my wife argues – an angry, bitter (but good) post I wrote after one of my fights with my wife. It seems like maybe she wanted this sort of relationship but I fought it tooth and nail and then, two years after I wrote that post, I left.