There are gentlemen by birth and there are gentlemen by conduct.
Gentlemen by birth are those born into a family with a coat of arms. That is the shortest way to put it. In practice the line between commoners and gentlemen was not that fixed and certain. But it is clear that before 1800 a tradesmen or anyone who had to work for a living was not considered a gentleman. Not by blood, at any rate. “Gentle” meant being so rich you did not have to work.
Gentlemen by conduct, on the other hand, is open to anyone, regardless of family or fortune. It is anyone who acts as a gentleman by birth should act.
Steele put it well:
the appellation of Gentleman is never to be affixed to a man’s circumstance, but to his Behaviour in them.
It is hard to put into words, but everyone knows a gentleman when he sees one. One thinks of Cary Grant or James Bond, though perhaps they had a bit too much of the bad boy in them to be gentlemen in the high Victorian sense.
Even so, asking “What would Cary Grant do?” would not take you wide of the mark.
Being a gentleman is not the same as being holy or noble. Those are high and rare things. Being a gentleman should be a matter of course, something that is within anyone’s reach. It is a second nature.
A gentleman is:
- a man of honour
- a man of his word
- respectful to all
- well-mannered
- open-handed
- brave
- just
- reserved
He:
- protects those in his care
- thinks of others before himself
- makes others feel at ease
- keeps his cool in all circumstances
- is in control of his feelings
- does not keep score
- has self-confidence
- has good sense
- does not put down others
- plays fair
- does not complain
- does not blame others
- never does anything low
- does not show off or draw attention to himself
- does his duty
- does not consider himself the centre of the world
A gentleman is in control of himself, he is calm and cool. While he cannot always be in control of the circumstances he finds himself in, he goes on without a feather out of place. He moves on and does what he must, doing the right thing.
Fair play, not keeping score, keeping one’s cool, having courage and self-confidence even when one does not feel it – that above all – seem to be the heart of it.
Newman says he acts towards his enemies as if they will someday be his friends.
On top of all this, a gentleman also has a certain worldliness and smoothness, in dress and speech. He wears a suit and speaks perfect English. He has a good education. This is not as important as the inner qualities listed above, but in most people’s minds it is part of the deal.
See also:
You have such a diverse range of articles. I like reading them all. And then I find some accidently.. like this one.
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I wish, I had read this a long time ago. Great post!
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I don’t agree with all of it but, worth a post anyway.
http://effortlessgent.com/four-simple-style-tips-for-the-well-built-man/
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KING!
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Yeszz?
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A query: (totally not a deep one)
I have to get some jackets altered in the shoulders. I have some suits which I will be buying in the near future too.
I plan on building up my traps and shoulders over the next 12-24 months. Should I just tailor everything to fit properly for right now and see what happens with shoulder size and the fit of the clothes later?
Or, should I “leave room” in the shoulder because of my gym plans? Is “leaving room” just an imprecise, pipe dream solution that won’t work anyway?
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Can you split the difference and maybe get one suit cut for now and leave the rest to be cut later for the pumped-up version of Legion?
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Besides, I had the distinct impression that you only had bespoke suits tailored for you on Savile Row?
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^ True.
I’m not getting bespoke.
The situation:
• Two jackets to be altered
• Two suits that might get done as a made to measure if, the store I’m going to did not buy the actual pieces from the collection. (In any case, they will have fabric and thus will be able to make these two suits if they did not buy them as ready to wear pieces.)
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maybe get one suit cut for now and leave the rest to be cut later for the pumped-up version of Legion?
That is a good idea. But, the fabric pattern will only be available this spring/summer season and afterward will just be a memory.
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“Dr. J” Julius Erving was a gentleman in every sense of the word. But he also was the epitome of class. Charles Barkley is also a gentleman although not as polished as the doctor.
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^*Is not was^* I was referencing more during their NBA career.
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I see ONLY the true gentlemen of this blog: Legion and King, and you too Dave, have responded in kind.
*winks*
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I assume the suits will be lined, of course?
0.5″ cuffs, on the trousers with a taper?
Wool? Gabardine? Perhaps silk?
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@ phoebeprunelle
brothawolf will be along soon, and of course abagond too. More are coming up the back stairs.
*winks*
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The fabric isn’t in yet. I saw these suits in a show, advertising what’s coming for this summer season.
No cuffs, plain bottom; I want to look sleek, like those brothers coming up the back stairs.
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I slept on it and this morning I was under the distinct impression that I should size a bit bigger (not too much) and then fill out. That still may not work so great but will last longer than sizing perfectly to my current frame.
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Gentlemen are so rare these days. I have encountered a few in my commutes to and from work on the commuter train. A couple of them in the supermarket. Even some on this blog. The one’s I have encountered are dressed in suits and ties, just everyday gentlemen that have manners and respect for ladies.
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*The ones i have encountered are not dressed in suits and ties*
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I have seen some very well dressed men who looked like the cover of GQ magazine, but were not gentelmen.
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Clothes don’t always make the man, they may improve his outer appearance but if the guys a jerk, then he’s just a jerk in a nice suit of clothing.
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This post reminds me of the film “Kings of the Evening”
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An excellent guide to proper (suit/sport jacket) jacket fit.
Important on many levels. Don’t take it for granted, don’t take yourself for granted.
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“Girls go crazy for a sharp dressed man” ZZ Top.
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@mary burrell
Oh yes they do. 🙂
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From the link:
It’s one of those things [collar gap] that once you see, you can never un-see, especially when looking at other guys in suits.
It is totally true. I’ve been retraining my eye to notice sartorial details (an ongoing process). Collar gap is a bit more common than one might think. Some men probably know they have it (due to weight loss, etc) and some men are for sure clueless that they’re jacket isn’t quite sitting right at the neck. Gap collar (as I prefer to call it) sounds like a small and pointless thing but you really do look exceptionally better if your suit/sport jacket is sitting smoothly against your shirt collar. –Details.
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^ I don’t get it.
Is that an ashtray? Or is it a sinister image?
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I hate when people do that. Dammit.
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30 f*%king seconds …
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@ Legion
Do you ever read The Sartorialist blog? Some of the guys featured on it have seriously amazing style – like this one: (http://www.thesartorialist.com/photos/on-the-street-london/) although his tie/suit might be too skinny for your taste!
His blog is way too skewed to the US/Europe but he’s started to explore some other areas recently. There are some amazing streetstyle photos from Joburg: (http://www.thesartorialist.com/photos/their-very-own-pitti-wall-soweto-sa/)
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I think there needs to be mentors to young black men to teach them about being a gentlemen these days. Learning to not refer to young women as b***ches and h**es, how to conduct themselves in public, open the door for a lady, when on commutes on the train offer their seats to elderly and pregnant women and the disabled.
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When a gentleman offers me a seat on the commuter train or when i am at the supermarket and a gentlemen opens the door for me, I am first somewhat shocked and then I have a feeling of gratitude. I really appreciate a gentlemen. It first starts at home. There needs to be a post on “Ladies” what exactly makes a lady?
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^^^^ a gentelman*^^^^ typo
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wordynerdygirl
I love those styles for men. 🙂
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@wordnerdygirl: Those are some dandy looking gents. Swooon!
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This post reminds me of Justin Timberlakes “Suit and Tie.”
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Carey Grant was the epitome of a gentleman, the superlatives suave and elan’ come to mind. President Obama is elegant and he’s got swagger. Sidney Poitier in his old films was graceful. Chweitel Ojiofor is elegant and has a quiet grace. And I love Idris Alba.
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@ wordynerdy
I think that I linked to some of The Sartorialist’s highlights a bit unthread. I love his eye for random style.
@ Legion
I still think the half inch cuff is a good choice. For me it tends to give finish to the trouser leg, not to mention the added weight on the bottom. I think it helps pants to hang better on the leg. There is also less riding-up or awkward folds. It just looks better when you’re walking, particularly if the garment is lined.
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@ mary burrell
I would love to see a post on ‘ladies’ too!
@ King
My bad – should have checked your links. I love The Sartorialists’ eye for detail as well. I steal outfit ideas from his blog all the time but that kind of defeats his point, which is to capture style that’s slightly different.
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* Sartorialist’s. Yuck. I hate a misplaced apostrophe, especially when I’ve misplaced it!
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@ Wordy
I was introduced to the Sartorialist blog by King, so I’m familiar with it. Also, If I’m not mistaken, the guy who runs the Sartorialist has published two fashion pictorial books, I’ve also had a look at those, in passing, at the book store.
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I’m getting more and more comfortable with the skinny suit. I think there is a masculine way to wear it. What I’m against is wearing it in a way that is not masculine a way that is unflattering a way that is weakness and mockery. These ideas (and the Sartorialist?) came up here: https://abagond.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/how-daily-life-has-changed-in-the-last-30-years/ .
The guy in your first link looks fine to me, I like his tie too. Great colour as well.
I have one shirt and may be getting a few others that have quite narrow collars. Only a skinny tie will work on these collars and that’s fine with me. I’m BIG on proper proportion. Narrow collar shirt and skinny tie now means the jacket lapels need to be kept to an appropriate width. Hehe, check out these awesome lapels, and man oh man that is one fat tie too: https://abagond.wordpress.com/2014/02/04/how-daily-life-has-changed-in-the-last-30-years/#comment-212734
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I steal outfit ideas from his blog all the time but that kind of defeats his point, which is to capture style that’s slightly different.
Stealing? Not at all! Why is anyone going through the pictorials (blog or books) in the first place, research for an anthropological fashion study? Not hardly, my dear. We “thieves” need to get our ideas from somewhere! (and mix it up with our already existing sensibilities). 😀
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Ok Gentlemen, question time:
Do you like pet names?
I call my guy “bunny”, and at first he said “what?!!!”. Now when i address him as such, he just responds naturally.
Fellas, would “bunny” be too feminine sounding for you?
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Hey Phoebe, I left you a comment on that Rolling Stones thread, didn’t know if you saw it, the thread was winding down.
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The pet name in most cases CAN NOT be used in front of friends or family. Particularly if the pet name were some soft, unsavage, sounding thing like “bunny”.
“Master of reality” and “Slayer of demons” are perfectly fine to use in mixed company, though.
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“He who shoots first and asks questions later” that one’s a bit verbose but it will warm many a man’s heart.
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@Legion,
1. I will check out your comment and respond in the Stones thread (sorry about that).
2. “Slayer of demons” and “Master of reality?”, but, but…bunny just sounds soooo cute and simple to say and easy to remember. And, i have never said this to him in front of relatives and others. You Gentlemen are sometimes so jumpy…maybe that is why i adore ya’ll so much?
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I’ll be coming along? For what?
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Pictorial: (with surprise female appearance!)
http://imgur.com/a/u9N66?gallery
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@Brothawolf,
You’ll be coming along up the stairs with the rest of the Gentlemen (Abagond, Legion, King etc..)
I’d mention Satanforce, but he has been MIA on this blog.
😉
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@Legion,
Yea…Dita was sorta of random surprise!
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^ I knew you’d like that 😉
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Ladies what do you think?
Skinny jeans on guys: good or bad?
And if that question is a false dichotomy, then is there a right way to do skinny jeans and still look like a man.
My outlook, right now, is that there is a right way to wear them/indulge in them, but it feels like a fine line.
Admittedly, this is more a topic for a man thread, not so much a gentleman thread, but this thread will have to do.
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http://dappered.com/2011/02/the-suit-fit-priority-guide/
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I surprise myself: I have been warming to the double breast, of late.
If it’s cut properly it can look very good.
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People might not care for Barack Obama but he is a great example of a gentleman, he is elegant and has swagger to go with it.
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In the discourse about tailored suits it just discovered what the word sartorial means. It’s good to have a well made garment. So the sartorial blog would be a good guide for the well dresses gentleman.
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*Typo* ^^^ I just discovered what the word sartorial means*^^^^^
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Some Tom Ford styling.
(http://youtu.be/EAQOPzTxZmo)
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^ staying the course with one’s vision.
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Style (though it was not a concern for all commenters) :
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^^ Being a gentleman, isn’t merely about adnornments.
50+plus comments and not one about inner qualities.
Etc., etc., etc.
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@Bulainik if you guys had been reading the upthread comments i did mention conduct. A fine suit of clothes doesn’t make a gentleman.
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@ Mary
You are absolutely correct on both counts. My apologies for making the mistake of not seeking that you had pointed that out.
My mistake, Mary.
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@ Kiwi
The “gentleman” does have social class connotation and that has been traditionally been associated with colour. Not exclusively of course.
When Mary Burrell said:
…it reminded me that I have often seen black and Asian men and b0ys (whose families and home-cultures generally instill great respect for elders) open doors and offer seats — much to the HUGE surprise of the white people granted these courtesies. That’s been my observation.
Yes, I certainly do see white men behave in chivalrous fashion.
However, it’s my feeling that that same gentlemanly behaviour is not always expected from Men of Colour, hence the “surprise” I have observed on a number of occasion from those on the receiving end of it.
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Correction: (whose families and home cultures instill great respect for elders and general courtesy to others carrying shopping, pregnant women, etc.)
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I like gentlemen too. I usually use the word “kind” to describe that quality.
I must admit, when I think of gentlemen I don’t just picture White guys, I think of the Cary Grants and the Maxwells.
Personally I’m not into skinny jeans on men. I do prefer the Donell Jones, early D’angelo, early Ginuwine, Jodeci, Larenz-Tate-in-love Jones look; I really like leather.
You know what kind of gentleman melts my heart? The boxer Cinderella Man, (his name escapes me), was based on.
I call my old man bubby in private and daddy in public. Sometimes I’ll make him uncomfortable by calling him sugar dumplings or toffee cheeks. Lol.
@Legion
Tip, it’s always best to buy things with some space if you plan to bulk up, you can have them tailored to fit perfectly later, but you can only let out clothing so far. I once bought a whole new wardrobe when I had dropped a horrible amount of weight. Needless to say, it was money down the drain.
If you do high weight, low reps to failure and eat enough (real/healthy) protein and a low fat diet, you’ll bulk up in no time.
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@ Ebonymonroe
Kindness. Yes, that’s it. That is what a gentleman is, should strive to be.
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