“Some of my best friends are black” is a phrase whites use to prove they are not racist. They also use it when they are about to say something racist: “Some of my best friends are black, but….” As if that gives them a green light to say any racist thing they want.
My first reaction is to doubt the quality of said friendships. But giving them the benefit of the doubt, it has become clear that black friendship has little effect on white racism:
A white Boston police officer said this in an email about the arrest of Henry Louis Gates, Jr, a black Harvard professor:
If I was the officer he verbally assaulted like a banana-eating jungle monkey, I would have sprayed him in the face with OC.
Later he said in his apology:
I have so many friends of every type of culture and race you can name and I am not a racist.
A white high school student who went to a whites-only prom did not think he was racist either:
I have as many black friends as I do white friends. We do everything else together. We hang out. We play sports together. We go to class together. I don’t think anybody at our school is racist.
A white commenter, the first I kicked off this blog, only called black commenters names, never white ones. To one black commenter he said:
That’s right. Go play on train tracks and get hit by a train. No one wants you alive.
But he did not think he was racist either. To prove it he said:
Oh and by the way, four of my best friends have been black… My brother is married to a black a girl, too. So you really have no argument kiddo.
If anything the black-best-friend argument shows that the speaker does not know much about racism and is blind to it.
I used to think that whites who marry black or live in black neighbourhoods were not all that racist. But even that is not true! While they do tend to have less stereotyped views of blacks, they still hold onto their sense of whiteness and the racist views used to defend it. They still see things from a self-serving white point of view.
Come to think of it, even blacks can be racist against blacks!
So having a black best friend proves little.
Racism in America is built partly on a separation of the races and the stereotypes that fill in the lack of first-hand experience. Like the sea monsters on the old maps of the Atlantic. A black best friend can help remove some of those sea monsters, but not if you think your friend “is not like other blacks”.
But more than stereotypes racism is also built on the need for whites to feel good about themselves living in an unequal society where blacks get screwed. Black friends, neighbours and lovers will not make that need go away.
See also:
Ugh, that has forever been a pathetic excuse. And if anything, IMO, puts you in an even worse place than if you weren’t to have even used it.
Also, the site where you got the pic and text at the top is hee-larious.
I hear ya, olivia. And I agree with you abagond. By saying “Some of my friends are black but…” makes them think they are allowed a freepass to say whatever they like.
In modern America, the alleged “victim” is always really the aggressor, and the alleged “aggressor” is always the true victim.Suddenly, with the glare of the national spotlight being turned on a small local story, it became clear that there was no “racial profiling” involved — other than by the black Harvard professor, who lorded his credentials and connections over a white working-class cop.
We wouldn’t have known about this case at all if the professor, Henry Louis Gates Jr., hadn’t blast e-mailed the universe that he was harassed by racist cops. Gates thought it would be a feather in his cap, not realizing there are huge areas of the country where people don’t think it’s heroic to browbeat cops checking on you after you break into your own house, such as 99 percent of the country outside of Cambridge. Contrary to liberals’ ardent desire, Sgt. James Crowley was not on tape saying, “I know it’s his house, but let’s stick it to this uppity negro.” (Curiously, the tape of Gates’ call demanding to talk to the chief of police to “report” Crowley has been withheld. Some watchdog group has got to demand that tape.)
But what if Crowley hadn’t been a model policeman who taught diversity classes and once famously gave mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a black athlete?
What if the 911 caller had identified the suspected burglars as black, which it turns out she did not?
What if Crowley hadn’t been fully supported by other cops at the scene, one Hispanic and one black? (Liberals will say cops stick together, but I say liberals stick together.)
What if, at some point in his life, Crowley had been accused — falsely or not — of racism?
His life would be ruined. On MSNBC’s “Hardball,” Chris Matthews said that Gates did not say, “I’ll speak with your mama outside,” as stated in the police report.
“He didn’t say this,” Matthews asserted as fact. This invented fact allowed Matthews to accuse the cop of engaging in “projection” and to conjure Crowley’s psychological state, saying, this is “what a white guy thought a black guy would say.”
Eugene Robinson endorsed Matthews’ invented fact, saying: “I cannot imagine in this universe Skip Gates saying, ‘I’ll speak with your mama outside.’” As proof, Robinson explained that Gates “rolls with kings and queens and Nobel Prize winners.” (I’m not “projecting” what I think a black man would say; he really said that.)
And then they both had a laugh about the cop applying racist stereotypes to such an esteemed figure as Professor Gates, who apparently would NEVER use the phrase “your mama.”
First, unlike these aesthetes, I don’t consider “your mama” such an implausible expression for someone to use.
Second, Sgt. Crowley wrote his police report, including the “your mama” line, long before he, or anyone else, could have imagined the arrest was going to become nationwide, front-page news.
Third, there’s a video of Gates using the N-word all over the Internet, and in that short, three-minute video, Gates uses the phrase “your mama.”
The only contrary evidence is that Gates recently denied that he told the cop he’d “speak with your mama outside.” He also desperately wants to drop the subject.
The left’s last-ditch attempt to defend a powerful black man’s attack on a powerless white man is to say the arrest was improper. In Time magazine, Lawrence O’Donnell factually announced, “Yelling does not meet the definition of disorderly conduct in Massachusetts.”
You can argue the facts in court, but there’s no question that the police report described the misdemeanor offense of “disorderly conduct” under Massachusetts law, which includes engaging in “tumultuous behavior” in “any neighborhood,” thereby causing public “inconvenience, annoyance or alarm.”
As everyone who’s read the police report knows, Gates is described as going on an extended tirade against the officer, calling him a racist, saying the officer didn’t know who he was messing with, acting irrationally, following the officer outside to continue haranguing him, and engaging in “tumultuous behavior” in and outside his house, drawing a small crowd of alarmed onlookers and police.
Suppose a cop didn’t arrest a guy who was ranting and raving — in his own home — and, an hour later, the hothead assaults someone. Policeman: I was as surprised as anyone that he shot his girlfriend! Every liberal in the country would demand the cop’s head.
And by the way, try screaming at a judge that he’s a racist and see what happens. Why should police officers deserve less protection than judges? They’re in more danger.
The disorderly conduct charge was not dropped because it wasn’t a good arrest. It was dropped, according to Gates’ own lawyer, because of Gates’ connections.
Before liberals declare that this a case of racial profiling and move on, how about liberals produce one provable example of racial profiling that isn’t a hoax?
Amy:
If you are going to cut and paste Ann Coulter’s wishful cops-never-lie-and-never-profile thinking into my blog then please do at least two things:
1. Give Ann Coulter credit.
2. Post it on-topic. I already did two posts on the Gates thing. They are even still on my homepage.
But even better than that would be to read my post and give your own thoughts about it!
It would also be nice if you used just one name. You have called yourself “Josh” and “Nicole” on this blog and I saw you call yourself “Dave” on another one.
Using different names and plagiarizing makes it seem like you are up to no good, like you are some variety of blog fungus.
LOL…that website was TOO good, they really hit the nail on the head.
Abagond, Amy may be Ann…I wouldn’t doubt she frequents your website.
and I agree, your post has nothing to do with the subject matter he’s talking about.
The website in question is Black People Love Us:
http://www.blackpeopleloveus.com/index.html
It is where the picture at the top of the post came from. It makes fun of the whole black-best-friend argument. It is very funny but has a serious message too.
Thanks, Abagond for this timely posting. I’m so sick and tired of racists in general who say hateful things, then point out their best friend of another race or that they date outside of their race as if to prove that they are not racists. Give me a break!
La Reyna
Had we, as a society, a bit thicker skins, we would broadcast these lunacies far and wide, with an appropriate apology to the more sensitive among us, demonstrate a little Common Sense for our fellow man, and let the fringe element drown in the laughter and public ridicule generated by their own thinking or lack thereof. Along with the right to free speech comes the right to make a public fool of oneself; and like the naked, fools have little or no influence on society. We should “Never Underestimate the Power of Laughter.”
Reminds me of a joke D.L. Hughley made once:
“I’m not racist. I’ve had three black people at my house!”
LOL. It is almost that bad.
its so true i hate when people say that. And someone once thought they were giving me a compliment by saying i dont act or speak like black people
Yeah, I am going to write that post too. I do not get how whites after 1970 can see that as a compliment.
White people are ridiculous!! Grow up..
My first reaction is to doubt the quality of said friendships.
Is there really only a few white people who have black friends? Is it so shocking to see white people having black friends, or dating black people?
Or the other classical line…
“Those (fill in what ever out group)…but you are alright”
ha ha ha
The reason whites are in huge denial of (even their own )racism, is because they’ve hardly ever, (if ever) experienced the white-on-black racism. They want to keep on practicing it, but get extremely offendedj/defensive whenever you call them a racist. Don’t ever take a white person’s word when they tell you, “Im not a racist.” Always observe their behaviors. They have very classic, major behaviors. The white- on- black racist events;
The James Byrd case
The Michael McDonald case
Martin Luther King case
Emmett Till
James Meredith case
Rosa Parks case
Untold numbers of lynchings in the (Southern,) country.
Whites throwing bottles at innocent pedestrians while riding by on buses.
Abagond:
Thank you for the post! I printed it our for my son.
I am white and live in Oakland. Our son went to a mostly white parochial school and just started at a mostly African American high school. He announced to me the other day in the car that he “ha[s] black friends” – as though to demonstrate something. I didn’t say anything then, but I had a hunch I would find some good writing from a young person that I could show him. Then, boom, there is your post.
Oakland is a great place to explore and study the boundaries and realities of contemporary American racism. One of the things I find here is that whites and blacks alike rarely deny they are racist. It is not an indictment on the individual; it is very hard to not be racist, and very easy to profess not to be racist. We live in a racist society. We can only exercise effort to do something about it.
What we can do is talk about it and work on it. We can make an effort make it a less racist place, because I believe there is consensus now that less racism is generally better for a society than more racism (although there are still those of all creeds and colors who prefer the simplicity of racism in their pedagogical toolbox, however a dominating influence it is on their philosophical outlook).
Thanks for the post.
-Peter of Oakland
Abagond, you wrote:
My first reaction is to doubt the quality of said friendships. But giving them the benefit of the doubt, it has become clear that black friendship has little effect on white racism
But maybe this is the key. Maybe one SHOULD doubt the quality of said friendships. Many whites do have black friends, but often these friendships are not deep (right?) and they don’t have effect on white racism.
Maybe true, deep friendships do?
Then again, it is proved that even the closest relationships with blacks (marriage, children) do not magically cure white racism, so I don’t know.
Still, there are whites who do change when they start dating a black person or when they marry them and have children with them. So while there’s no guarantee, having a true, honest and close relationship with a black person can help. Maybe it’s similar with friendships?
I know this post was some time ago, but I want to thank you for writing this, truely good work. When I came across it and it stood out as an issue that I expeirenced personally.
I’m biracial and was in a very abusive (mental/verbal/sexual) dating relationship in highschool with this guy Jody (caucasian). He did some really f-ed up racist things to me which I have discussed in length on EP http://www.experienceproject.com/uw.php?e=1237251.
Anyways he & I also had a mutual african american female friend. Which he would consistantly “playfully” tease by making fun/pulling of her hair (which he also did to me) and taking her hair tie which he always tried to get me in on…
When I confronted him about the racist things he would say say/do to me in private he always used his “firendship” with her and relationship with me as a defence, claiming I was just too sensitive…
The least of which was stressing to me how important it was for his future kids to have blue eyes like him, and how he was glad I carried the “right gene” because my mother has them.
He also used the “No offense but…” as a precurser to say any rude/racist thing he wanted often abusing freedom of speach.
I learned my lesson the hard way after being sexually assaulted by him my first semester in college.
But by the 2nd or third semester of college I finally & fully understood the history behind both the phenomonon in your post and the negitive/lustful/and abusive history racist white men have with black women. Giving me true insight.
It’s writers like you and people sharing their collective expirineces that will educate and hopefully prevent junk like this from happening to other people.
[...] good thing is that the song does point out that the “My best friend is black!” argument is a fallacy when the white Brian insists that he isn’t white because [...]
[...] “Some of my best friends are black” [...]
Here’s my personal favorite, from a judge who denied a marriage license to an interracial couple:
“I have piles and piles of black friends. They come to my home, I marry them, they use my bathroom. I treat them just like everyone else.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/10/15/interracial-couple-denied_n_322784.html
[...] elements in the figurative; the event horizon is that point where superficial relationships i.e. “some of my best friends are”- Black, Hispanic, Asian, etc. Or in the church world numerous expressions of this sentiment are [...]
“My wife is Asian, so I am not racist against Asians” has been touted as the Asian-American equivalent of “Some of my best friends are black” argument after ESPN’s headline comment on Jeremy Lin early last week. Looks like we are having yet another cliche entering our national discourse on racism (and other excuses for discrimination).