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The danger signs of a rapist

Most women who are raped are raped by someone they know: a husband, an old boyfriend, a date, someone at work, etc. There is no sure way to know in advance whether a particular man will rape you, but there are certain danger signs to watch for:

  1. Self-centredness – to the point where he always puts his needs and wants and feelings above those of others. He thinks the world owes him whatever he wants. He has no trouble excusing mean behaviour. He makes you feel bad for not doing what he wants.
  2. Belittling – he puts down others, often as a “joke”. He thinks he is better than others and looks down on them.
  3. Tells you what you are or are not thinking and feeling. When you try to set him straight he does not listen or take you seriously. He says things like, “You don’t really mean that.” A man like that will make your “no” to sex into a “yes” whether you like it or not.
  4. Uses violent and threatening language, like calling you a “bitch”. While everyone looses it now and then with him it is a constant thing.
  5. Uses threats and even violence to get his way. Especially with people he thinks are weaker.
  6. Has trouble with anger. He blows up over little things. It is like he is trying to find excuses to get angry. If this leads to violence, even worse. He especially gets angry when he does not get his way. He breaks things, hits things.
  7. Sudden changes of mood. Most people cannot suddenly go from happy to angry – or back again – quickly. But he does. A very bad sign: a man like that is capable of unlimited violence and damage.
  8. Jock mindset. Because of sports he sees violence as excusable in daily life.
  9. Gets mean when drunk.
  10. Drinks or uses drugs. These by themselves do not cause rape but nearly all rapes take place when a man has been drinking or doing drugs.
  11. Does not face up to the wrong he has done others. If you ask about something wrong he did, the thing to watch for is empathy and moral reasoning. It is a bad sign if he:
    1. Makes light of it, tries to play it off.
    2. Gets upset and never seems to want to talk about it.
    3. Makes it all about his feelings and the wrong that was done to him.
    4. Is long on how and what but short on why.
    5. Turns it on you.

Do not be alone with a man like this, most especially after he has been drinking or doing drugs.

If your boyfriend or husband is like this, you are in danger. Even if he does not rape you he may beat you, even wind up killing you, or take part in other crimes. Do not fool yourself into thinking you can change him or that you are that special to him.

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The use of black rape statistics is a common white racist argument. It seeks to prove that black men have a dark and savage nature by showing that they rape women at vastly higher rates than white men. The beauty of the argument is that few whites question it because it plays on two stereotypes they have about black men: they are violent and they have stronger sex drives that they cannot control.

First, as black crime goes rape is rare. Here are the top ten crimes committed by blacks in America according to FBI numbers on arrests made in 2007:

  1. 485,054 Drug abuse violations
  2. 261,730 Larceny, theft
  3. 316,217 Assault (non-aggravated)
  4. 183,810 Disorderly conduct
  5. 109,985 Aggravated assault
  6. 97,472 Driving under the influence
  7. 68,052 Burglary
  8. 62,278 Drunkenness
  9. 57,745 Weapons; carrying, possessing, etc.
  10. 54,774 Robbery

Forcible rape was not even close to making this list: there were only 5,708 arrests.

Second, white men are a far bigger threat. Despite the racism of the police and the stereotypes about black rapists, the police still arrest twice as many white men for rape.

Going by the stereotypes, you would expect whiter countries to be safer. Wrong. Despite the millions of black men in America, women are way safer there than in Canada and Australia, where rape is more than twice as common.

So where are the statistics that show black men are such dangerous rapists? It comes from comparing not all rapes but just interracial rapes. Comments like this often appear on this blog:

Fact – blacks rape white women 2000 (yes 2000) times more than whites rape black women. In New York City, about 300 white women are raped by blacks every year BUT there has not been a black woman raped by a white male in anybody’s memory (going back over 20 yrs.) Consider: Al Sharpton had to go upstate New York to find a hoax and that was almost 20 years ago. (Source NYT 4/22/05)

That looks solid: the New York Times said so! Except that it did not: there is no such article.

I looked up the numbers for myself:

The FBI does not break out numbers for interracial rape but the Justice Department does for “rape and sexual assault” – based on a crime victim survey it does every year. But interracial rape is so rare that there are fewer than ten cases in its sample. So you cannot draw any firm statistical conclusions.

On television rape is a dark-alley crime, but in fact strangers commit only 2% of rapes. Half are done by current or former boyfriends, dates and husbands. Interracial rape is rare for the same reasons that interracial marriage is rare. So rare that there are not even solid government figures on it.

But better numbers would not help: after all, if you applied the same reasoning to numbers on marriage it would “prove” that black men are by nature also more likely to marry.

The argument is built not on sound reasoning and solid facts but on white fears that go back at least to Jim Crow times.

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