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Commenter Peanut on real reasons some black women prefer not to date some white men (based on her own experience):

  1. It is difficult for many white men to see black women as individuals, even when they prefer to date black women. Example: expecting all black women to be able to dance.
  2. Some white people tend to view the attractive, classy and intelligent black women they encounter as exceptions and exempt from being “regular black” by virtue of the fact that they do not conform to negative black female stereotypes.  Example: being called white girl in a black girl’s body, a chocolate-dipped white girl.
  3. Some white people forget that you are black and will say stuff without thinking in front of you. Too many examples to recount.
  4. Referring to black people who do not conform to mainstream (white society’s) expectations as “ghetto”.
  5. Attributing bad behaviour on the part of the individual as a black attribute. Or racializing behaviour that has nothing to do with race.
  6. Some white men think they are doing black women a favour by dating and or mating them. Since black women are perceived supposedly as being on the bottom of the beauty hierarchy.  This is especially true of older white men who married white, had white children, divorced and now approach young, young black women.
  7. Some white men who date black women think they are officially an authority or expert on black people overall by virtue of the fact that their girlfriend or wife is black.
  8. Some white men expect you to mindlessly agree with them about issues pertaining to politics and race, like affirmative action. When you disagree, however gently and politely, you are seen as combative or you hurt their feelings or alienate them.
  9. The Bodyguard Complex: Some white men feel as if it is their job to “save” the black woman from the “wretchedness” of the black community.
  10. White men who date black women as a way to rationalize away their own racism. Some white men think that because they date or end up with a black women that they are exempt from racist thoughts. Hence the classic phrase, “I’m not racist, I dated a black girl in high school.”

I do not condemn white men who have these thoughts. White American culture has a history of brainwashing both blacks and whites to believe certains notions and stereotypes. But there is always going to be that awkward moment where you realize how our two cultures have really been created in opposition to each other.

Overall, if you are a black women who prefers to date white men or other non-black men, go for it! As long as he respects you. If you are a black women who prefers black men, go for it, as long as he respects you. If you do not care, more power to you. That is my take on it.

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There are only 34,000 black men in America married to Asian women. That is about one married black man in a hundred. Asian women marry black men at about the same rate. Some number of these men met their wives overseas while serving in the military. Black men are five times more likely to marry an Asian than are black women.

Despite their low numbers they have some famous sons and daughters: Tiger Woods (golfer, Thai mother), Amerie (singer, Korean mother), Hines Ward (football player, Korean), Will Demps (football player, Korean)Tasha Reid (rapper, Korean), Crystal Kay (singer, Korean), Tomika Skanes (video vixen, Korean), La’Shontae Heckard (video vixen, Korean), Kimora Lee Simmons (businesswoman, Korean-Japanese), Sharon Leal (actress, Filipino) and Lou Jing (singer, Chinese).

Steve Sailer, an intellectual skinhead, says that Asian women are the most desirable women and black men are the most desirable men – more desirable than even their white counterparts. He bases that on the amount of body fat men and women of different races have.

That helps him to show why so many white women are with black men and so many white men are with Asian women. But he never stops to ask why the match made in Sailerite heaven – black men and Asian women – is so rare, less than 2% of all interracial marriages.

In an OkCupid study of online dating, Asian women were the least likely to show interest in black men.

Some say it is because Asian parents are even more racist than white ones. I am not sure how you would prove that. Kate Rigg put it this way:

My boyfriend’s Black and there’s gonna be trouble
My parents want to live in a Negro-free bubble

For black servicemen in Asia the circumstances would be different since presumably they would be seen as being more American than black.

Then there are some who say it is because Asian women do not fit black ideas of female beauty. Their bodies in general are too thin. Smooth magazine, a black men’s magazine, lists its top 100 women every year. In 2009 not a single one was clearly Asian – though in the past some have been part Asian, like Tomika Skanes and La’Shontae Heckard.

Even granting all that, there are most certainly black men who love how Asian women look and Asian women who are not about to let racism get in the way of their own happiness.

But maybe it is simpler than all that: As it turns out white men, who so famously have an Asian fetish, marry Asian women at about the same rate as black men: about one married man in a hundred.

But then why do white men seem to have an Asian fetish when black men generally do not? Because one Asian woman in six is married to a white man. But it is probably not even a case of a white fetish among Asian women: many of them live and work in places where it is much easier to meet white men than even Asian men, much less black men.

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sealklum

This post carries over from a thread on the Suggestions page:

Some people say that when a black man is in an interracial couple we hear all about it but when a black woman is you hardly do.

I get that feeling too, but it is a hard thing to prove. The best I can come up with is to list all the famous people I can think of who have been part of an interracial couple (just black-and-white ones) and see if there is any sort of imbalance. In the writing of this blog and reading its comments I have found out about interracial couples I had no idea of, like Billy Bob Thornton and Cynda Williams, but I will not count those (they are listed later in the post).

Here is my list:

  1. Gabrielle Beauvais
  2. Robert De Niro
  3. Kid Rock
  4. Roger Ebert
  5. Diana Ross
  6. Seal and Heidi Klum
  7. David Bowie and Iman
  8. Quincy Jones
  9. Sidney Poitier
  10. Ice-T
  11. Naomi Campbell
  12. Clarence Thomas
  13. The Lovings
  14. Tiger Woods
  15. Kobe Bryant
  16. Ray J and Kim Kardashian
  17. Simon Cowell
  18. Robin Thicke
  19. Cuba Gooding
  20. Grace Jones
  21. O.J. Simpson

So, out of 21 couples 10 have a black man and 11 have a black woman, which means interracial couples with black men are not any better known (assuming, of course, that they are equal in number, which is certainly not the case in America as a whole).

Now break it down by the race and sex of the famous person:

  • 9 black men: Seal, Jones, Poitier, Ice-T, Thomas, Woods, Bryant, Ray J, Simpson.
  • 7 white men: De Niro, Rock, Ebert, Bowie, Mr Loving, Cowell, Thicke.
  • 6 black women:  Beauvais, Ross, Iman, Campbell, Mrs Loving, Jones.
  • 2 white women: Klum, Kardashian.

Again it seems more or less balanced, though black men are at the top, but look at white women: only two, and both are (were) with a black man who is also famous!

Why is that?

A simple answer is to say that women want to marry up while men do not care. So in American society white women would tend not to marry a black man unless he was rich or famous. That makes sense of the imbalance given above, but it utterly fails to make sense of the fact that in most black-and-white marriages in America it is the man who is black.

Some other famous people who have been in a black-and-white interracial relationship (at least according to Internet rumour):

  • black men:
    • Akon
    • James Earl Jones
    • John Legend
    • Montell Williams
    • Reggie Bush
    • Sammy Davis, Jr
    • Taye Diggs
    • T-Pain
  • white men:
    • Ben Broufman
    • Bill Maher
    • Billy Bob Thornton
    • Boris Becker
    • Brad Pitt
    • Clint Eastwood
    • Colin Farrell
    • George Lucas
    • Kevin Federline
    • Marc Bolan (T. Rex)
    • Mark Ecko
    • Matt Stone (“South Park”)
    • Matthew McConaughey
    • MC Serch
    • Mick Jagger
    • Paul Krugman
    • Paul Wall
    • Peter Norton (of Norton antivirus software)
    • Prince Albert of Monaco
    • Prince Maximilian of Liechtenstein
    • Shia LaBeouf
    • Ted Danson
    • William Cohen (former Defence Secretary)
    • Wolfgang Puck
  • black women:
    • Aisha Tyler
    • Alfre Woodard
    • Alice Walker
    • Beverly Johnson
    • Chaka Khan
    • Cynda Williams
    • Debra Wilson (“MADtv”)
    • Diahann Carroll
    • Donna Summer
    • Dorothy Dandridge
    • Downtown Julie Brown
    • Erica Dunlap (Miss America 2004)
    • Estelle
    • Eve
    • Halle Berry
    • Heather Headley
    • Jamaica Kincaid
    • Janet Jackson
    • June Jordan
    • Kerry Washington
    • Kim Wayans
    • Lena Horne
    • Leslie Uggams
    • Lynn Whitfield
    • Minnie Riperton
    • Oluchi Onweagba
    • Paula Patton
    • Pearl Bailey
    • Rihanna
    • Robin Givens
    • Roxie Roker (Helen Willis on “The Jeffersons”, Lenny Kravitz’s mother)
    • Sade
    • Sharon Leal
    • Sherri Saum
    • Stacey Dash
    • Susan Rice
    • Suzan-Lori Parks
    • Tamyra Gray (“American Idol”)
    • Thandie Newton
    • Tina Turner
    • Tracey Edmonds
    • Traci Bingham
    • Venus Williams
    • Victoria Rowell
    • Whoopi Goldberg
    • Zoe Kravitz
  • white women:
    • Ellen Pompeo (“Grey’s Anatomy”)

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Davida pointed this one out to me: an ad for Verizon Hub showing a black man calling his white wife – but watch carefully or you might miss it!

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