Most women who are raped are raped by someone they know: a husband, an old boyfriend, a date, someone at work, etc. There is no sure way to know in advance whether a particular man will rape you, but there are certain danger signs to watch for:
- Self-centredness – to the point where he always puts his needs and wants and feelings above those of others. He thinks the world owes him whatever he wants. He has no trouble excusing mean behaviour. He makes you feel bad for not doing what he wants.
- Belittling – he puts down others, often as a “joke”. He thinks he is better than others and looks down on them.
- Tells you what you are or are not thinking and feeling. When you try to set him straight he does not listen or take you seriously. He says things like, “You don’t really mean that.” A man like that will make your “no” to sex into a “yes” whether you like it or not.
- Uses violent and threatening language, like calling you a “bitch”. While everyone looses it now and then with him it is a constant thing.
- Uses threats and even violence to get his way. Especially with people he thinks are weaker.
- Has trouble with anger. He blows up over little things. It is like he is trying to find excuses to get angry. If this leads to violence, even worse. He especially gets angry when he does not get his way. He breaks things, hits things.
- Sudden changes of mood. Most people cannot suddenly go from happy to angry – or back again – quickly. But he does. A very bad sign: a man like that is capable of unlimited violence and damage.
- Jock mindset. Because of sports he sees violence as excusable in daily life.
- Gets mean when drunk.
- Drinks or uses drugs. These by themselves do not cause rape but nearly all rapes take place when a man has been drinking or doing drugs.
- Does not face up to the wrong he has done others. If you ask about something wrong he did, the thing to watch for is empathy and moral reasoning. It is a bad sign if he:
- Makes light of it, tries to play it off.
- Gets upset and never seems to want to talk about it.
- Makes it all about his feelings and the wrong that was done to him.
- Is long on how and what but short on why.
- Turns it on you.
Do not be alone with a man like this, most especially after he has been drinking or doing drugs.
If your boyfriend or husband is like this, you are in danger. Even if he does not rape you he may beat you, even wind up killing you, or take part in other crimes. Do not fool yourself into thinking you can change him or that you are that special to him.
See also:
- No Nonsense Self-Defense: Potential Rapist Profile – what I based this post on. There is way more stuff there if you want to read more
- black rape statistics – wherein I argue against the treasured White American belief that black men are more given to rape because they are black
- Jim Crow – was excused on said belief
- Jim Crow – was excused on said belief
- domestic violence
- How a wife beater thinks – pretty much the same way that rapists do
- How a wife beater thinks – pretty much the same way that rapists do