1. Take the Black vote for granted.
This is the key to all the rest. With other supporters, like feminists, gay rights activists, labour unions and “hard-working Americans”, once you are in office you have to throw them a bone, maybe even some red meat at times, so that they keep voting for you. You might think you should do the same for Black voters. Wrong! Huge mistake. If you openly favour Blacks, that will lose you way more White votes than you can possibly ever gain in Black votes. You can only help Blacks by helping Whites at the same time, so:
2. Be colour-blind: Make it about class, not race.
There are two kinds of Black people: Blacks who are poor and those who are not. Those who are poor you can help as poor people, along with tons of poor Whites. Blacks who are not poor do not suffer from racism, so again, no need to make it about race. The only time White voters will expect you to “do something about the blacks” is when said Blacks are burning stuff down, particularly CVS pharmacies. #WhitePropertyMatters.
3. “All Lives Matter.”
You must say this if someone says, “Black Lives Matter”. These days you can righteously stand with gay people, but not Black people!
4. Play up how racist the other side is.
This is the Racist Uncle Trick. You want to make yourself seem like “the lesser of two evils” in the eyes of Black voters.
5. Have a Sister Souljah Moment.
If a scary-but-articulate Black person, like Sister Souljah or Rev. Jeremiah Wright, says something that appears in the mainstream media that makes them sound, well, scary to White people, you must condemn them. This helps to distance you from Blacks in the eyes of White voters and makes you seem “safe”.
6. Rent a Negro.
There are tons of “articulate and bright and clean” Negroes out there who hold safe, White Liberal opinions – or at least know when to keep their mouth shut.
7. Show your concern for Black people: talk down to them.
Black people love that! Especially when they just got their university degree or rule a sovereign African nation. Oozing White paternalism is an important skill to master. If you do it right, you can blame the effects of White racism and imperialism on them! Remember: they have to “take responsibility”, but not you.
8. Make Black issues overly complicated.
Say that they are “multilayered”, that they have “festered” from “long neglect” and so on. No one will challenge you on this and yet it will allow you to avoid blame if you make no actual progress. But be careful: always blame the past – “the legacies of slavery and Jim Crow” – never any living, breathing White people.
Note: You do not need white skin to be a White Liberal.
– Abagond, 2015.
- other user’s guides:
- “It’s class, not race”
- “All Lives Matter”
- Racist Uncles
- The Reverend Wright Affair
- Rented Negroes
- White paternalism
- The Teflon Theory of History