Disclaimer: I am no expert on this, but I did read about it on the Internet! So before all these pearls of Internet wisdom disappear from my brain, here is what I found out. Almost everything below applies to husbands as well, of course, but I will express it in terms of wives since that is my point of view as a man:
- You suspect she is unfaithful. Sadly, most (though not all) men who suspect their wives turn out to be right. But the opposite is not necessarily true since wives can have an affair without the husband having faintest idea of it.
- Sudden changes in her behaviour, particularly in:
- the amount, quality or style of sex. Sex will probably decrease, but it could in fact increase.
- an increase in the money she spends.
- an increase in time spent on the computer online or on the telephone
- an increase in time spent away from home, often excused as working late or being with friends.
- more attention to personal appearance or a change in her appearance. She looks more beautiful, she has a glow, she is losing weight, etc. Odds are it is not for you.
- a sudden interest in something she never cared about before
- People you both know start acting uncomfortable or uneasy when they are with you. Because they know.
- She frequently finds fault with you. She is comparing you with her new lover and in her mind is trying to somehow excuse her actions.
- Your wife picks arguments over little things that do not matter. This is particularly a bad sign if she uses it as an excuse to leave the house to “cool off”. It could be a trick to see her lover.
- When you ask her where she has been she repeats the question, avoids it or gets angry instead of simply telling you.
- In bed she no longer holds you or has her body next to yours – because it makes her feel like she is being unfaithful to her new lover.
- She distances herself from your family. They make her feel uncomfortable – why is that?
- She distances herself from you. It is now “I”, no longer “we”. You become less a part of her life. She no longer cares about what you think or feel or want to do. Her “friends” are more important than you.
- She accuses you of having an affair – to turn attention away from herself, if only in her own head.
- Your marriage is suddenly troubled. There are many reasons for that, but an affair is one of the main ones.
None of these prove anything – they are just red flags, bad signs. Each one can have a Perfectly Logical Explanation.
I know that for a fact since I have been accused of having an affair, having shown some of these signs myself, like working late and having sex less often. Yet I know I was utterly faithful despite how it might have seemed.