Most white parents and some black parents in America believe in bringing up children in a colour-blind way: they never talk about race but just say stuff like “Everybody’s equal”, “God made all of us” and “Under the skin, we’re all the same”. Some go even further and make sure their children have a chance to regularly meet people of other races, like at school.
It sounds great, but in practice it does not work in most cases.
There was an article in Newsweek a few weeks ago called “See Baby Discriminate” by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. Supported by the latest studies, they say that children will still see colour anyway. All they learn from their parents’ silence is that they are uncomfortable talking about race. As one six-year-old white boy put it:
Parents don’t like us to talk about our skin, so don’t let them hear you.
Some interesting findings:
- In one study five and six-year-olds (100 white, 100 black) were given a pack of cards with drawings of people on them. The children were told to sort them into two piles any way they wanted. Only 16% sorted them by sex, while 68% sorted by them by race – without being asked!
- In a twist on the blue-eyed/brown-eyed exercise, four and five-year-olds at a preschool were given T-shirts, half of them red, half of them blue, given out in no particular order. They were told to wear them every day for three weeks. That was it. The teachers said nothing more about it, they did not divide the children according to their T-shirt colour or anything. Yet after three weeks the children who wore blue T-shirts thought the blues were nicer and had more intelligence than the reds, while the reds thought they were the better ones.
- Going to a mixed-race school does not necessarily make one any less racist. It seems to work for six-year-olds, but not for anyone eight or older. If anything it seems to have opposite effect: the more evenly balanced the races in a high school are, the less likely one will have a best friend from another race. And, mixed school or not, only 8% of white high school students have a best friend from another race. For blacks it is 15%.
Bronson and Merryman say it is better to talk to your children about race than not. Most parents of colour do, but 75% of white parents do not. In fact it makes them very uncomfortable.
Yet no one brings up their children in a gender-blind way, as if there were no such thing as boys and girls, men and women. Not only do parents freely talk about gender, they even make sure to talk about how gender stereotypes are bad and unfair. Why should race be any different?
As to black children, colour-blind child rearing will leave them unprepared for the racism they will face. Studies show it is best to feed them with good images of blacks and not with too much doubt and suspicion about whites.
See also:
- Newsweek: See Baby Discriminate
- The blue-eyed/brown-eyed exercise
- What to tell your children about racism – wherein I disagree with my mother, who was of the colour-blind school of child rearing
- colour-blind racism – the most common outcome for whites who are brought up in a colour-blind way
- growing up white
- growing up black
- racelessness – there is a difference between being racist and being race conscious
- Why whites are blind to their racism – why just talking about race will not in itself be the cure-all for whites
I’ve never believed in being color-blind. I believe in celebrating our differences as a parent celebrates their children. Each are different, but equal.
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Honestly, what are most white parents going to tell their kids about race? My parents are from all white neighborhoods and went to all white schools. What do they know about it?
I went to a mix raced school and everybody kept to their own. Why? Mostly because we came from different backgrounds with different interests. I didn’t go out of my way not to be friends with black people; however, most of my interests lead me to all white friendships. That was pretty much the norm.
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Co-sign islandgirl
I believe that color-blind rearing is a very cowardice move to teach our children. Also colorblindness is a ploy to denounce someone’s existence.
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*to teach our children about race
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“I believe that color-blind rearing is a very cowardice move to teach our children. Also colorblindness is a ploy to denounce someone’s existence.”
I couldn’t have said it better!
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dani, you are spot on.
When I was growing up, my parents always discussed race to me. They told me how differently I would be treated as a person of color. I always heard about color-blindness from some of my white friends and that everyone was equal, but my parents knew what they were talking about.
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I agree that raising kids to be color-blind, especially non-White kids, just puts them at a disadvantage. What do you say to them the first time someone calls him the N-word or a token? The best thing you can do for your child is prepare him for the realities of a very racialized world.
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I think the only people who can afford to take the color blind road when raising children are the insulated folks who really don’t have to worry too much about being on the wrong side of the sword.
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I agree with Jasmin and Gen.
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I go to a predominantly-White private university, and there’s this subset of Black people who refuses to even acknowledge other Black people on campus. A lot of them spew that “color-blind” BS, and I always wonder, if that’s the case 1)Why is it always just one Black person in a group of White people and 2)Why do they treat you more like the token than a real friend?
I know a girl in the “I refuse to even speak to other Black people” category (something that would get my butt whooped back home), and she thrives on being “The Black Girl”. The good dancer, the sassy one, etc.–yet she’s never a viable romantic partner for any of her White guy friends or considered genuine competition by any of her White girlfriends. Hence why I am a little skeptical of “colorblindness”.
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@ Jasmin
That’s why I say at the colorblindness is a ploy to denounce someone’s existence. While that girl may feel that she is “in” with her white friends, they do not treat as an equal and treat her as if she barely exist lol. That’s why colorblindness is dangerous and in fact delusional. POC who use that crap against themselves are idiots.
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I don’t know about you guys but with me, I was raised with a combination of the colour-blind way and the be prepared for racism kind of way. I think it has worked pretty well. For me at least. Personally I don’t believe that race is a social construct argument and I think this is where the “bringing up children in a colour-blind way” thing comes from. When I was in school most of my friends have been white dudes and I never really gravitated to hang out with black people as I went on during my school years. Most of the girls I’ve….. “dated” have been white girls.
What I’ve noticed is the the white dudes which I used to hang with in school, were not brought up in the “color-blind” way and were perfectly cool with non-whites.
The white girls that I dated were brought up in the “colour-blind” way and asked me the most stupid questions or come out with the most stupid statements.
Examples
– “You don’t act black” 😦
– “Is it true that black guys have big willies?”
– “Do you that black guy over there?”
– “You speak good english”
And lots of others.
islandgirl Says:
I believe in celebrating our differences as a parent celebrates their children. Each are different, but equal.
I kind of agree, accept for the equal part. I don’t believe that people are equal in a physical sense. Spiritually that’s a different story.
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– “You don’t act black”
– “Is it true that black guys have big willies?”
– “Do you that black guy over there?”
– “You speak good english”
And lots of others.
That probably has less to than the “color blind” teaching and more to do with the fact that there parents were from very white backgrounds and had nothing to communicate to their kids. If you aren’t familiar with races issues on something less than a general level, then your kids probably won’t either.
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i do not like the colorblind rearing…it sounds like wishful thinking…it exists nothing more than to help white people sleep better at night. its a fantasy to keep them from seeing the realities of the world…it helps them condone racism much more.
if you are a minority, it seems cool to be told this as a child…because who wants to break a child’s heart? but at some point they have to know or realize that in America, a black person must work twice as hard as a white person just to get half the results. the black person must know that they will never be looked nor treated the same as a white person…
i guess in the end, its in the best interest of the minority child to really show them where they stand in life in America…but after that, help them do what they have to do, to get the playing field in their favor…
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I think colour-blind child rearing is damaging.
For whites it means not having to face up to their own racism.
For those who are not white it means they have to learn the hard way what their parents could have told them in 15 minutes. I do not think it is even possible for a person of colour in North America to have a strong, healthy colour-blind identity. Because colour-blind in effect means “white is right”.
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Abagond;
‘For those who are not white it means they have to learn the hard way what their parents could have told them in 15 minutes. I do not think it is even possible for a person of colour in North America to have a strong, healthy colour-blind identity. Because colour-blind in effect means “white is right”’.
Exactly. I’ve witnessed the fallout from this numerous times. In some instances it would be funny if it were not sad. These same people who experience these shattering experiences, are, in some cases the same ones who would ridicule people who would point out racist behaviour. By saying your colour blind you are in effect denying the other person’s existence as a racialized person. Colour blind = white.
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Your 9th point was pretty much right on, in my opinion.
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I wrote a blog post on this very same research yesterday (only not as well as this one!).
I’m white and English, and I have to agree that often what passes for ‘colour blindness’ is an excuse to nothing because we’re embarrassed by race. White people have a lot to be embarrassed about, but I think the fear of being perceived as racist often makes us run and hide behind the veil of ‘colour blindness’ — it’s Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.
The general position in our media, where white is neutral and non-white is nuance, means that colour blindness simply buys into this pervasive concept. You need racial awareness to see the lie of white neutrality that is being daily shown us in the media.
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Gareth
Fellow Londoner here, or was that Oxford, whichever, nice to hear from a British perspective anyhow!
Great site, I’ll be reading from now on :))
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abagond, you wrote:
“I think colour-blind child rearing is damaging.”
A tragic view. You obviously favor instilling anti-white sentifments as early as possible.
You wrote:
“For whites it means not having to face up to their own racism.”
Wrong, as usual. It means whites let their kids see for themselves how others — non-whites — are.
You wrote:
“I do not think it is even possible for a person of colour in North America to have a strong, healthy colour-blind identity. Because colour-blind in effect means “white is right”.”
Yeah. Sure. Attending and graduating from college is very white. Going to college is an example of “White is Right.” But attending and graduating from college is relatively rare among blacks.
Meanwhile, in the NY City public school system, blacks account for about 35% of the students. Hispanics are 35%. Whites are 14%. Asians are 14%.
Thus, in NY City public schools, white kids are a minority group. Yet they seem to pass through the system and go on to college unscathed by their contact with black kids.
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I agree with Island Girl… celebrate our differences, whether Brazilian, American, Black, White, mixed, etc…
The “color blind” generally tend to be those that have not had exposure to anything other than what they know. (Ex: White kid growing up in a small mid-western town who only knows Black people exist because they are on television. This person may or may not be color blind. They may be racist due to what they have been taught, or they may say they are color blind for “lack of knowledge.”)
The biggest problem most people have is overcoming their own ignorance regarding the issue. Being “colorblind” is not the same as believing that “all men are created equal”. (and women). Right? “We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal.” Unfortunately, society forces upon us “inequality”. One is not black enough, one is not ‘white’ enough, one is not pretty enough, one is too short, blah blah blah…
We are all guilty regardless sex, race, ethnicity, background, culture, etc… We should all strive to be better Human Beings – period.
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The true problem with colour-blind child rearing is the fact it doesn’t work.
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I think that a very crucial fact has been left out. Raising children to be colour-blind is not only a white person trait. Throughout history almost every race has committed horrific acts of violence against another race. This includes white people against black people (such as in Australia), Black people against White people (such as in South Africa), Asians against Asians, Asians against whites, whites against asians etc etc.
No race can claim that their past is free of racism.
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The true problem with a colour-blind perspective is that we live in a world which thrives on propagating colour and gender orientated lifestyles.
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Some black parents most certainly do bring up their children in a colour-blind way. I think I read somewhere it was 25%, but I am not completely sure of that number. As noted in the last paragraph of the post it affects them differently and in a bad way. More here:
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Count me in with celibrating our differances but equal respect…
If you try to hide it from your kids, they will find out on the media anyway
My son is hyper aware of differances and ethnic backgrounds because people have noted his ethnic differances , in sometimes the not most flattering way.
And all the way in Brazil, he was talking black revolution for a minute just getting into Tupac…for a second, I was the white establishment with ancesters who brought slaves to the Americas….
And despite all the discusion on here about that subject, I still say my family never brought slaves to the Americas, but, in the same breath, I admit that the reminants of slavery still very much affect anywhere that brought slaves from Africa to the Americas, and there is white priveledge because of that
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“Bronson and Merryman say it is better to talk to your children about race than not. Most parents of colour do, but 75% of white parents do not. In fact it makes them very uncomfortable.”
I think that is because the media and minorities tell them it is wrong and they don’t want to be labeled a racist.
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Ó Dochartaigh, you wrote:
“Bronson and Merryman say it is better to talk to your children about race than not. Most parents of colour do, but 75% of white parents do not. In fact it makes them very uncomfortable.”
75% of white parents do not discuss race with their kids? Where did you get that gem?
And what does “talk to your children about race” mean?
You wrote:
“I think that is because the media and minorities tell them it is wrong and they don’t want to be labeled a racist.”
Another gem. Do you have any kids? Your comments read as though they came from a script.
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The Bronson Merryman study observed:
“In one study five and six-year-olds (100 white, 100 black) were given a pack of cards with drawings of people on them. The children were told to sort them into two piles any way they wanted. Only 16% sorted them by sex, while 68% sorted by them by race – without being asked!”
What a shock. And if each cards in the pack included a drawing of a pot — some white, some black and some yellow — how might the kids have divided the cards?
Then:
“in a twist on the blue-eyed/brown-eyed exercise, four and five-year-olds at a preschool were given T-shirts, half of them red, half of them blue, given out in no particular order. They were told to wear them every day for three weeks. That was it. The teachers said nothing more about it, they did not divide the children according to their T-shirt colour or anything. Yet after three weeks the children who wore blue T-shirts thought the blues were nicer and had more intelligence than the reds, while the reds thought they were the better ones.”
Yeah, you can always count on 4- and 5-year-old kids to repeate what their parents tell them, which means their parents most likely tell their children they have made a good choice when the kids choose something innocuous, like a t-shirt of a certain color.
Then:
“Going to a mixed-race school does not necessarily make one any less racist. It seems to work for six-year-olds, but not for anyone eight or older.”
Hmmm. That is about the time when school performance begins to diverge enough that even the kids cannot ignore it. The black kids begin to embrace the black forms of English while they begin to slip behind in math.
And:
“If anything it seems to have opposite effect: the more evenly balanced the races in a high school are, the less likely one will have a best friend from another race.”
So what?
And:
“And, mixed school or not, only 8% of white high school students have a best friend from another race. For blacks it is 15%.”
I do not trust the statistics. But again. So what? The concept of “best friend” is not exactly scientific, and is therefore impossible to measure.
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To no slappz
Did you even read abagonds post? You must not have because he, not I wrote;
“Bronson and Merryman say it is better to talk to your children about race than not. Most parents of colour do, but 75% of white parents do not. In fact it makes them very uncomfortable.”
That is why I used quotation. You need to take Xanax and calm down. I was expressing my opinion, that if these studies were correct, the reason is probably the parents fear of being labeled racist if they talked about race.
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Ó Dochartaigh, you wrote:
“Did you even read abagonds post? You must not have because he, not I wrote…”
That’s part of my point — as, you stated, abagond wrote:
“Bronson and Merryman say it is better to talk to your children about race than not. Most parents of colour do, but 75% of white parents do not. In fact it makes them very uncomfortable.”
In other words, abagond believed he paraphrased Bronson and Merryman. However, I’ve got a feeling he injected his own perspective into his paraphrasing.
Meanwhile, anyone who has dealt with kids of the ages mentioned in the Bronson Merryman article knows that almost every element of the subject material is tough to quantify in a meaningful way.
Best friends? Forget it.
Extracting some deep racial meaning from kids who sort pictures based on the color of the pictured figure? Phony.
Concluding that white parents FEAR being labeled racist? Nonsense.
And:
“All they learn from their parents’ silence is that they are uncomfortable talking about race.”
More nonsense. Most — probably 99% — parents skip the deep talks on physics too. I guess it’s too much for them to admit they are uncomfortable with F = MA.
Bronson and Merryman have published some good stuff. But based on what’s here, the race article was a total bust.
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I’ve been following this blog for sometime now but never responded.
The reason why most white choose this color blinded way of life is that they are simply embarrased to answer any questions about racism to their children.
They know what the white race signifies and the crucial role they played in history towards everyone of color.
It’s best not to let your kids know the harsh truth. Pretending it doesn’t exist means you never have to own up to it.
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