I am going to give this thing a second try, having failed to get my point across the other day when I wrote “Why black women are seen as ugly”. Fingers crossed:
Black women are not ugly, not hardly, yet many Americans seem to think so because they see them through racist eyes.
Mainstream American ideas of beauty are based on white women. Because whites run the fashion and film industries that affect what millions see as beautiful, even people of colour:
- thin figure
- pale skin
- blue eyes
- long, straight, flowing yellow hair
- large breasts
Most black women fall well short of that. Not because they are ugly, but because that idea of beauty is not based on them.
This Hollywood idea of beauty is just a matter of taste. I know because I do not share it. I also know because White American ideas of beauty have themselves changed through the years. For example, Heidi Klum or Gwyneth Paltrow would have been considered ugly in the 1960s – an age when white beauties had lovely hourglass figures, like Brigitte Bardot and Raquel Welch.
Since it is just a matter of taste it cannot prove anything about the beauty of black women. Why should we suppose Hollywood’s taste for thin blondes is any better than, say, mine for thick black women with pretty eyes? But it does prove one thing: that despite the best efforts of Hollywood, millions of men still find black women to be beautiful.
Some think black women look too much like men. Yet, from what I can tell, black women in general have more of a womanly figure – one that clearly sets them off from men – than most white or Asian women.
Some think black women look too much like monkeys. That is kind of odd when it is white people who have so much in common with chimpanzees:
- thin lips
- straight hair
- white skin
Strange how these are some of the very things black women are looked down on for not having.
These sort of beliefs about how black women look are not based on careful anatomical comparisons but flat-out racism that views black women as being neither truly human nor truly women.
Many of the black women you see in Hollywood are stereotypes: they are either too ugly or plain (Mammies), too mean (Sapphires) or too loose (Jezebels). Very few are women of grace and beauty. The effect is to make black women seem less desirable than they truly are. These stereotypes come from racism not from the “preferences” white people presumably have for the beauty of their own women.
This racism has absolutely nothing to do with the supposed ugliness of black women. It has everything to do with white people’s need to look down on blacks – so that they can feel good about themselves and their unjust position in society.
And that is why white people think the lips of Angelina Jolie look good on her but not on black women.
See also:
- Why black women are seen as ugly – my first failed attempt at this post
- Halle Berry is not the most beautiful black woman in the world
- What this blog has taught me about white people
- Black women are beautiful – according to my tastes
- white beauty: a brief history
- the white lens
- Asian fetish – blacks and Asians are viewed by whites in ways that are a little too opposite to be an accident.
Racism is just so ugly! Thanks Abagond for all the work and research you obviously put forth in this blog! Keep your no holds barred approach coming! But aren’t you being a little bit mean concerning white womans beauty? I’m just sayin, though.
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By George,(Abagond),I think you’ve got it. 😀
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**smile** I guess this is for all those who read what Jessica read. I found the part about white people needing to look down on blacks interesting.
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“smile** I guess this is for all those who read what Jessica read. I found the part about white people needing to look down on blacks interesting.”
That’s so true. White men tend to do it more than others because that’s in their genes to do so because they are insecure, violent, and racist.
La Reyna
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Great post i think a lot of people didn’t ‘get’ the last one.
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I know I may receive alot of flack for this, so I will just say it. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter to me what people think of me. I know who my creator is and as long as I am beautiful to myself and to my husband, that’s all that matters. I can deal with other races saying that Black women ( to them) aren’t attractive. What BOTHERS me is these SO CALLED entertainers that demean Black women on a daily basis, and these women are just as much to blame. We should not look for the world to accept or validate us. Stop supporting these rappers/singers with these demeaning lyrics. That’s not ART. Boycott BET, HELL MTV too. Stop supporting BLACK MARKET, BOOTLEG, whatever you want to call it. We must set better examples for ourselves. I know I got off subject here, but I’m sick of people complaining. We were a people who stood for something, and now, we talk about, but we don’t do anything about it.–But back to the topic at hand here, It’s just more hurtful coming from a Black man, when he demeans a Black woman. For that Black man who does that, I feel sorry for you. WE MUST EMBRACE OURSELVES, OUR BEAUTY, AND OUR CHARACTER. Accept who you are, stop with the blue contact, SLUTTY BLOND WEAVES. Stop it. Be the best Black woman you can be, take care of yourself, treat yourself well, nurture your soul, and carry yourself with the highest esteem. Then no, one can’t help but to notice you. Everyone notices a glowing woman.
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Abagond:
I have read your blog for about six or seven months now and always have been impressed for your appreciation of black women and our beaufiful and unique features. I have never felt you try to dishonor black women and a matter of fact, you have gone to great lenghts to uplift our self esteem and remain open to making some sense of the crazy generalizations and stereotypes that have held us back (spirtually, financially, emotionally and physically) for a long time. I am a woman that teaches fitness for a living, watch my diet, etc. and still my thighs and butt will never look the same (slender) as the other women of different racial backgrounds that I teach in my classes — and they do not work out or eat as carefully as I do! Blogs like yours (Why I Love Thick Women, Big Bottom Women, etc.) shows an appreciation for our differences rather than making us believe that there is something to be ashamed of or need to believe black women are inferior.
Thanks very much – keep up the good work! Your blog is insightful, uplifting, and serving an important function.
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Great post! I agree with most of it except for the part about Hiedi Klum being considered ugly in the 60’s. Audrey Hepburn was an iconic beauty who is more known for her elegant and feminine beauty more than most of the others.
Women still try to emulate her looks.
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I love this pic of Lauryn Hill.
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i like it except about the whole white woman beauty. i don’t think it’s right to judge black woman’s beauty and criticize it but so isn’t white woman’s beauty either because i see plenty of white women that are beautiful. i think it’s right to bash another race’s beauty because just like black women, they have issues with beauty too but don’t put it out there. but everything else you said i completely agree with.
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* i don’t think it’s right. that’s what i meant to say.
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Abagond,
Where is your Dec. 4th post?
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Here is the programming note about that:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/12/05/programming-note-10/
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Gorgeous pic of Lauryn Hill and very well put.
Heidi Klum is beautiful but very masculine. Men used to have a marked preference for feminine-looking women (and women for masculine-looking men) but that is fading.
Where is the post where we discussed that in-depth, Abagond? It might be of interest here.
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Wow. That is an amazing pic. She is so beautiful.
Had to say it again.
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Please forgive me for stereotyping White men. Not all of them are like that. But given the experiences of Black women with racism and sexism, a lot of them come off that way. That’s because White society continues to perpetuate stereotypes about Black women because they want to continue white supremacy.
La Reyna
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hmmm, I never thought of Heidi Klum as looking masculine. This is the first I’ve heard of that.
Is there really a defined definition of feminine beauty? Because some people think that thin women aren’t feminine and some think that thicker women aren’t.
I mean, Lauren Hill and Sade are very beautiful women, but they would not, according to this post, be considered so in the the Hollywood era.
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Lauryn Hill is so beautiful….sort of kills the argument about black women not being beautiful!!
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Actually, there is a definition of femininity versus masculinity. It is a simple biological one and is explained very well here: http://www.femininebeauty.info/feminine-vs-masculine (some naked pics there but they are necessary for the explanation). They also have a really great write-up of famous women: http://www.femininebeauty.info/sexy-fashion-models.
Here is the post about it: https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/06/05/are-black-women-ugly-or-is-it-racism-that-makes-them-seem-so/#comment-25802
You can debate whether a woman is beautiful, which is a matter of preference, but femininity/masculinity is simple science. Simple physical attractiveness is also science and is basically a measure of symmetry. But beauty is about what “floats your boat”.
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Much better post, Aba
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This is brilliant. You go boy ! That’s what I’m talking about!
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This is a very beautiful picture of Lauren Hill.Black or colored women are beautiful. we don’t need anyone to tell us that.The second you start looking up to anybody to validate you in anyway in this world is the second your insecurities begin.We(black women)are beautiful. Period.
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Lauryn is actually an excellent example of feminine beauty. Note her large eyes, flat eyebrow ridge, delicate chin, full lips, low and prominent cheekbones, softly rounded nose, and slender neck. Here’s a side-view: http://media.ents24.com/1/8/9/6/8/189681.jpeg
Compare her delicate features with the sharp and angular (masculine) ones of Alessandra Ambrosio: http://www.femininebeauty.info/images/alessandra.ambrosio1.jpg
Her figure isn’t as feminine as her face but it’s still softly rounded and delicate and obviously female. http://i.realone.com/assets/rn/img/6/6/3/3/22713366-22713369-slarge.jpg http://www.thenewblackmagazine.com/Photofiles/lauryn%20hill.bmp http://imagecache2.allposters.com/images/UVSL/M794.jpg
The difference is that you could shave Lauryn’s head, take off her makeup, and put her in a suit and she’d still be obviously female. Alessandra could fool anyone.
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I still don’t understand why the first post was so controversial.I got the point right away – you were speaking from the perspective of a racist society, not stating your own ideals. *shrugs*
If this post makes in crystal clear for those who didn’t get it the first time around, then so be it.
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I still don’t buy the models=masculinity agenda. I’ve seen some women with vastly different body types who are masculine, even thick & curvy (I don’t want to mention their names).
We all admit Laryn Hill is beautiful, and she is not the typical hourglass, especially when she first came out. She has more of a ruler shape. So does Eva Marcille and these are two women who are very feminine.
Black women are not one dimentional and cannot be placed into one box. You have to include every shade, tone, shape and size.
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Island Girl,
I agree with you,
thin doesn’t equal non feminine,
I don’t even understand,why a black woman is often potrayed as curvy.
strangely enough I know more thin and (very)tall (in a lot of tribe in Africa, that’s a typical body) than curvy BW.
As you said very well we are not one dimentional …..
And you right Eva Marcille Who I find to be drop dead gorgeous)and Lauryn are very feminine.
that reminds me in 60s/70s different body type were more accepted in hollywood, I do feel they were more open to different kind of beauty(body type).
you could have someone like Marylin Monore Sophia Loren, or Audrey Hepburn, Jane Birkin, Jane Fonda, Greta Garbo etc…
all were seen as very feminine.
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In my post I said that her face is ultra-feminine but pointed out that her body isn’t. HOWEVER, her body isn’t masculine, either, because it’s too soft and rounded-looking. It’s something in-between.
Also, being tall and thin doesn’t necessarily equate with masculinity. The ratios between the length of the arms, legs, and torsos are important, as well, not just WHR. Also the shape of the derriere is crucial in determining femininity.
Anyway, beauty and femininity are two different topics. So let’s not get them mixed up here.
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Black&German:
Thanks for your links on masculine and feminine looks. It was not on this post, but the other one.
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Anna Renee said:
“But aren’t you being a little bit mean concerning white womans beauty? “
Can you be specific?
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Peta said:
“I still don’t understand why the first post was so controversial.”
Those who have read my blog before, like you or La Reyna, seem to have got it. But since you already know where I am coming from on this, you are less likely to misread it.
I think the trouble with that post was that I said black women look like men and gorillas as the first two points. Someone who already knows me would know I do not agree with that, but a first-time reader might not. When people get offended they stop hearing you clearly and start misreading you and your motives. The writer-reader relationship falls apart. That is part of why so many white readers of this blog seem to have such poor reading skills.
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@nubiahbella,
Awww, what a cutie!
Also, I’m glad that you get my point. You’re right, I’ve worked with Africans and are friends with some and they don’t have the body type that most people associate with black women. In fact, this woman that I work with, who looks to be East African, is tiny.
I have no problem with curvy or thin, I just don’t US to stereotype US. Let’s enjoy and appreciate our differences.
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“This racism has absolutely nothing to do with the supposed ugliness of black women. It has everything to do with white people’s need to look down on blacks – so that they can feel good about themselves and their unjust position in society.”
You are absolutely right…well said
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PREACH!!Abagond you hit the nail on the head with this one…White people i believe are insanely jealous of us… The white women spend so much time and money trying to look like us and steal our swagger but black women get looked down upon? Face it Black women are beautiful and the world knows that Jealousy and envy are strong emotions get well soon…
Sincerly,
Beautiful Brown Thick-lipped woman.
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May I say this? Not only do I find BW, that I have come across, have beautiful bone structure, but I have always wished that I possessed curly eyelashes like BW. I want eyelashes like that! 🙂
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I cosign your post and I love your whole website.
Lauryn Hill looks stunning in this picture.
god bless.
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black women are flat out ugly!!
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thanks “blackwomen,eww,” for the compliment 🙂
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@blackwomen, eww:
Black women are far from ugly. The only ugly thing here is coming from your heart.
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@ blackwomen eww
What makes black women so ugly to you? Do you even know any black women personally? Have you seen all the black women in the world?
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Man, don’t feed the trolls….
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This is random, I pasted this because I think the woman in it is very pretty. I have no idea what they’re saying, I think they’re speaking yoruba. Does anyone understand?
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“It has everything to do with white people’s need to look down on blacks – so that they can feel good about themselves and their unjust position in society.
And that is why white people think the lips of Angelina Jolie look good on her but not on black women.”
And since this manner of thinking is somewhat infectious, I insist that “preference” is simply the racist mot du jour.
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I understand that you are angry, but you are extremely racist. Also… chimpanzees do not have white skin. I think that anybody who actually agrees with your post didn’t fully understand or read your post.
I have no need to look down on black people. I find the terms black and white to be basically racist and offensive when categorizing various mixes of ethnicity by overstating their skin color.
When you look at the people who are keeping you down in life. If you say, it’s because of their skin color. You are not only stupid, but you are probably wrong. Sometimes people will do it because of your skin color, but it happens to people who HAVE THE SAME SKIN COLOR AS EACH OTHER!
Abagond- I know you are angry, but i would appreciate it if you try to look at the way you think and learn to be less racist.
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Looks pretty white to me…
(But to be honest, I did see chimpanzees with a bit darker skin. )
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I’m a white reader and I don’t have poor reading skills. Also i don’t think that black women are “seen as ugly” in general. I hope you will learn that black people can be racist too. Racist doesn’t mean you hate black people. Racist means you are biased and usually aggressive or judgmental towards races (usually other than your own races but not always excluding)
What you were mentioning in Hollywood is called type-casting. They have a part in mind, they tell a person what role to play and pick somebody who really shows through on camera. It’s super-fake. Yes- fake media BS is bad for people’s minds.
I am white and I got really pissed off and lost interest in a TV show when they showed a black woman(based on a real person in history) but the actress was fatter than the picture by far and scurried around acting like a slave, she acted it up too trying to look and sound dumb. In real life she was an upstanding woman with noble character, or so i gather. And the actress was just trying to take orders and do her job. If i played that part i wouldn’t stand for that BS and i would probably get fired. (plus i don’t look the part at all…)
Where i live is not in the south, but there are a lot of black people who say they are from the south and that’s their excuse for saying N-word all the time and calling women bitches. Not all black men are like that. So when not-black men say some stupid crap and then you think they are all like that. You=racist, and i don’t think you want to be. Maybe good people are 1 in a million.
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Mira, that chimp skin looks a bit pink and tan. Colors and races aren’t the same thing, but i guess it’s easy to get confused.
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Well, what its worth I’ll put this here too: Lola Wallinkoski (Odusoga) Miss Finland 1996, second runner up Miss Universe 1996, Miss Scandinavia 1997. Has worked in modelling and tv ever since, done some acting etc. One of the most well known finnish beauties. Yes, she considers herself as a finn even though her father is nigerian. And yes, still a very beautiful woman indeed.
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I’m a white reader and I don’t have poor reading skills.
Could have fooled me.
I hope you will learn that black people can be racist too.
I’m sure you will teach us!
Racist doesn’t mean you hate black people. Racist means you are biased and usually aggressive or judgmental towards races (usually other than your own races but not always excluding)
Is that your first lesson?
Where i live is not in the south, but there are a lot of black people who say they are from the south and that’s their excuse for saying N-word all the time and calling women bitches. Not all black men are like that.
Break it down brother, break it down!
You=racist, and i don’t think you want to be. Maybe good people are 1 in a million.
You can count too!
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Rilbo Raggins said:
chimpanzees do not have white skin.
Mira replies:
Looks pretty white to me…
Rilbo Raggins replied:
Mira, that chimp skin looks a bit pink and tan. Colors and races aren’t the same thing…
Menelik replies:
but races have different colours, yes? When you find yourself in a hole, sir, stop freakin’ digging!
M Charles
UK
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Yes, she considers herself as a finn even though her father is nigerian.
Well, if she was born in Finland, and is a citizen of that nation, I don’t see what other nationality she could call herself. If a girl’s father was British, and she was born in Finland, to a Finn mother, I think it would be the same thing.
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Rilbo said:
“I understand that you are angry, but you are extremely racist.”
Why do you say that?
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Point about Lola is that nobody thinks her firstly as a black woman or bi racial woman here, at least I haven’t heard any such talk. She is just beautiful woman. But since the headline here was “Black women are not ugly” I figured she also presents the beautiful black women.
Also she proves that not only some race fetishists think black women are beautiful since she won the Miss Scandinavia title way back. And she is not your stereotypical scandinavian blonde either. So majority at least during that competition thoughed that black women are not ugly. I guess that is the point I try to make.
And by the race fetishists I mean those who talk about the tones of the skin color like different types of chocolate and generally tend to talk about others like some eatable objects. I guess for some the point is different looks and that is the only point then. But from my point of view that is little bit weird. To talk about other people like, well, objects, is a bit weird.
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Good point. I think sometimes guys are trying to sound poetic with all the “chocolate” and “caramel” comparisons. But they just end up sounding like cannibals.
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Rilbo said:
I understand that you (Abagond) are angry, but you are extremely racist.
Abagond asks:
Why do you say that?
Menelik suggests:
I reckon it’s because the mere fact of stating “Black women are not ugly” not only brings to his attention this discomforting notion (because it is true, and by extension suggests white women are LESS attractive than Black women – or else why call you “racist?”) but also because it challenges the blinkered nature of various types of white privilege e.g. the notion that we are all equal until one challenges what one takes for granted.
Anyway, it would be interesting to hear from that gentleman again…very interesting.
Menelik Charles
London England
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Do you know how many “races” are wrapped up into one when you reduce somebody to white or black? It varies from person to person…
It is futile to dissect your first post. What constitutes a black woman? Do you have to be more than “half-black” can you be “mixed”? Mixed is the most offensive term to me. African-American implies not fully American, so color coding is supposed to be better?
Just because I know what Abagond was trying to say, doesn’t mean i won’t notice the underlying tones of racism. And i’m not going to cut it and paste it here. You can all read it again.
I realize I can be a hypocrite too, so i’ll try not to be.
MC from the UK- Interesting because you want somebody to judge, argue with etc…? Or because you are suddenly speaking for Abagond? No i didn’t just read the title, i read the post.
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Rilbo Raggins said:
Just because I know what Abagond was trying to say, doesn’t mean i won’t notice the underlying tones of racism.
Menelik asks:
can you provide supporting evidence for this assertion, please. Thanks.
Menelik
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To Abagond:
For example, Heidi Klum or Gwyneth Paltrow would have been considered ugly in the 1960s – an age when white beauties had lovely hourglass figures, like Brigitte Bardot and Raquel Welch.
Well.. no… consider Twiggy, Audrey Hepburn, etc… there were many examples of slender White women in the 60s (and earlier..) who were considered beautiful.
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To Menelik Charles:
and by extension suggests white women are LESS attractive than Black women – or else why call you “racist?”
Well… no… why would saying “Black women are not ugly..”
suggest that Black women are more attractive than White women..? One could conceivably believe that Black women are as equally attractive as White women or that Black women are attractive but not as attractive as White women. The latter is probably the most common belief among White males in the US. (Of course there are many exceptions, such as Robert Deniro, Wolfgang Puck, etc….. )
As for why Rilbo Raggins thinks Abagond’s comments are racist.. I dunno….
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Just to put a purely unacademic, superficial and insensitive spin on it, all it takes is a good look around you in real life. I assume this blog concerns physical beauty only, so here’s my superficial take on it.
The number of mingers of northern european origin is staggering. Especially in the UK, Scandinavia, Germany etc beautiful white women stick out like a sore thumb. On a side note, they’re also often perfectly aware of it, being surrounded by so many physically ugly birds. Now this can have the side effect that the pretty ones become arrogant, unnatural or plain dysfunctional from getting so much attention throughout their lives. The ugly ones tend to compensate the lack of attention they get through other things that are not always pretty either. Anyway, that’s a whole different topic.
With all respect for the person herself but I reckon certain women should just do people with a sense for aesthetics a favour and refrain from wearing tight hip huggers and t-shirts that end at the belly button if the love handles and other fatty tissue are bulging down over the belt line, revealing a lardy pale (or microwaved orange) plumber’s crack.
In Europe the further you go south the higher the rate of (physically) beautiful women. From what I’ve seen there’s a similar correlation in the Americas up to the equator, and then Brazil included. I’ve also noticed a much higher ratio of beautiful women among blacks than among whites in the US. I just don’t understand where this stereotype is coming from. People who determine such nonsense need to go the optician or take a crash course in aesthetics.
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“This racism has absolutely nothing to do with the supposed ugliness of black women.
It has everything to do with white people’s need to look down on blacks. (this line in bold)
– so that they can feel good about themselves and their unjust position in society.”
(She’s not saying SOME white people. Even though she starts saying “this racism.”)
“And that is why white people think the lips of Angelina Jolie look good on her but not on black women.”
*(apparently we white people think this…)
“Some think black women look too much like monkeys. That is kind of odd when it is white people who have so much in common with chimpanzees:”
(this part is just spiteful)
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As an add-on, a certainly personal anecdote but I definitely know that I’m not the only one; my niece grew up in northern Germany as one black kid out of probably 10,000 white and other kids (‘other’ being Middle-eastern and East Asian). She was literally idolised by her peers and their parents as the most beautiful kid they’ve ever seen. She was pampered, admired and envied to a point that she felt almost like some sort of royalty and sometimes close to being frightened. As a 10 year old, that is. It almost drove her paranoid to the point that her parents decided to move back to England where she wouldn’t be ‘so special’.
She’s a grown (beautiful) woman now but every time she goes back to her native Germany she feels the same admiration and attention she would never get in England, France or the US.
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As a former resident of Germany I can concur Femi. I did feel a certain adoration of black women by German men, so much more than I do in England. It’s no coincidence Heidi Klum and Boris Becker have been married to black people. There is of course racism in Germany but not to the scale that it renders black women as less than attractive. Not so in good ol blighty!Lol
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Rilbo Raggins said:
Just because I know what Abagond was trying to say, doesn’t mean i won’t notice the underlying tones of racism.
Menelik asks:
can you provide supporting evidence for this assertion, please.
Thanks in advance.
Menelik Charles
London England
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Rilbo Raggins said:
“This racism has absolutely nothing to do with the supposed ugliness of black women.
It has everything to do with white people’s need to look down on blacks. (this line in bold)
so that they can feel good about themselves and their unjust position in society.”
*(She’s not saying SOME white people. Even though she starts with saying “this racism.”)
“And that is why white people think the lips of Angelina Jolie look good on her but not on black women.”
*(apparently we white people think this…)
“Some think black women look too much like monkeys. That is kind of odd when it is white people who have so much in common with chimpanzees:”
*(this part is just spiteful)
Just for you “menelik.”
p.s. If a so called white person said what they believe black people think in this same manner, some black people would undoubtedly be offended.
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* is my comments
quotes are from Abagond’s post, but some of you probably won’t know that because you didn’t seem to read the whole thing…
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@ Rilbo Raggins,
sir, I am asking that you provide clear quotable evidence from Abagond ALONE showing “underling racist tones” in the present post.
Again, thanks in advance.
Menelik Charles
London England
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Nice one MerriMay 🙂
Someone actually does read the posts from this strange foreigner…
You know, there are many thousands, if not millions of individual anecdotes around the world from “multicultural” families. The funny thing is that although each personal story may be somehow unique, they all have a common denominator at some point. However I reckon each of the personal stories tell more about a truly existing reality than any of those so-called sociological studies can ever offer.
Here’s another one.
I have a niece from my Cameroonian nan’s side who goes to Uni in Paris. She’s got that “All-West African” look, if there’s such a thing at all. Anyway, she is beautiful, flawless skin, tall slender but with curves where they look best on a woman, very French styled…
As much as I know she had boyfriends through the whole range of colour shades and shapes you can find in Paris. OK probably not all lol
Then there was that white US American guest student who she REALLY liked apparently. As much as I could vibe, the attraction was reciprocated BUT that young bloke was very inhibited and reserved to her. He wasn’t that shy with the white French girls though. One day I had a chat with him. He started talking about my niece how beautiful and adorable she is and that he would like a girlfriend like her etc. When I told him that she likes him too and to have a go he got really weirded out, mumbling – “Yea but…huh? what do you mean?… err… she’s black.”
End of awkward conversation.
You can tell me this is just one tiny piece but I’m sure there are many more pieces to the jigsaw along the same lines. I would bet the finished picture is called ‘brainwashing’.
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That sort of thing goes on ALL THE TIME in the States – white men who have no trouble asking out white or Asian women but then when it comes to black women they supposedly like they act all strange and suddenly have trouble making the first move. It has become such a huge subject on here that I did a post on it:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/09/16/why-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women-part-iii/
That is from the point of view of a white man who wound up marrying a black woman. But he succeeded where many failed. I think for most it comes down to racism:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2008/06/25/why-so-few-white-men-marry-black-women/
White people do not want their children to marry black people. It is the indirect cause of why all the black kids sit together in the cafeteria:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/08/10/why-all-the-black-kids-sit-together/
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Rilbo:
If I say “white people think x” it does not mean they are a race of robots and ALL 100% think that. It just means it is a commonly observed opinion. If I mean “ALL” I will say “ALL”.
White people, sorry, SOME white people, see an ALL where there is no ALL – not because it is a rule of Standard English that they learned in school but because they are ASSUMING I am that much of a racist and so read it that way.
SOME white people have trouble reading my blog:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2010/04/02/reading-while-white-this-blog/
As to the chimp thing, it had to be said. As I found out yesterday, AT LEAST SOME whites in the English-speaking world have been comparing blacks to apes for the past 376 years. More on “blacks as monkeys” and how deep-rooted it is among (SOME/MANY/MOST/MAYBE ALL/WAY MORE THAN IT SHOULD BE) white people here:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2009/02/25/black-people-as-monkeys/
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Rilbo:
Also: if it is all right for some commenters to attack me then it is all right for some to defend me.
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@Femi:
It’s his loss. Your niece definitely deserves better.
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@leigh204
haha that’s what I thought back then.
Anyway the point I was trying to make is that I can’t get my head around that this sort of weird contradiction still exists to this day and that it seems to be literally cultivated in certain areas of the world, instead of being updated to the 21st century.
I suppose it goes like this:
Rule 1 – you may find attractive who you want but you must not be with them unless they fulfill certain superficial prerequisites.
Rule 2 – those you are attracted to but who don’t fulfill those prerequisites are to be declared “unattractive by default”. UGLY UGLY UGLY UGLY … get it now?
Rule 3 – go to 1
Rule 4 – repeat several times a day
Rule 5 – in case of non-compliance you will be suffering the consequences in the form of social reprisals
…that’s a fossilised lump of mindset right there.
(BTW how do you get those nice quotes into your posts?) 🙂
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! rule #2 is so true! really, it’s amazing how people will lie to themselves when it comes to race.
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Femi says,
Then there was that white US American guest student who she REALLY liked apparently. As much as I could vibe, the attraction was reciprocated BUT that young bloke was very inhibited and reserved to her. He wasn’t that shy with the white French girls though. One day I had a chat with him. He started talking about my niece how beautiful and adorable she is and that he would like a girlfriend like her etc. When I told him that she likes him too and to have a go he got really weirded out, mumbling – “Yea but…huh? what do you mean?… err… she’s black.”
End of awkward conversation.
You can tell me this is just one tiny piece but I’m sure there are many more pieces to the jigsaw along the same lines. I would bet the finished picture is called ‘brainwashing’.
laromana says,
Femi, you are correct about the brainwashing of MANY American WM when it comes to approaching BW for relationships.
ALL of my life I have had WM who liked me and, under NORMAL circumstances would have had SERIOUS dating relationships with me that could have led to marriage, INSTEAD allowed their extreme ANTI-BW COWARDICE to STOP them from EVEN approaching me like a NORMAL HUMAN WOMAN.
It’s DISTURBING to see that this WARPED/ANTI-BW mindset is STILL affecting how MOST American WM treat BW.
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Femi
You mean the one above? Some people have asked about how to make a quote, but I can never get it right the first time. 😉
You simply type the left bracket () to close so it should look like this
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Tsk. Man, it never works out…hehe…here you go, Femi. 😉
http://www.ehow.com/how_2054478_make-block-quote-html.html
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Thanks a lot Leigh 🙂
I’ve been struggling for the last 40 minutes to find what an “alligator bracket” is. I think we call it “less than” and “more than”. English is much harder than French sometimes 😉
I’m going to try it now.
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@Femi:
Woohoo! It’s a success! Congratulations! 😀
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And you’re welcome, Femi! 😀
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When I hear about those things as an outsider, my first reaction is ‘how can it be improved?’. Perhaps not mended on a large scale but at least to shake certain perpetrators up that it’s none of anyone’s business who other people are supposed to like, who they are supposed to be attracted to etc. The most shocking part for me is that I hear and see it from young people who could be my kids, in the 21st century in supposedly advanced societies.
Sometimes youths make me feel so young and rebellious. Sometimes to the point that they seem older than me. Or is it me who is thinking backwards? I don’t think so…
I like this quote thing 😉
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Easy they are the fattest women in the country. They eat fastfood everyday and the least physically active of any race. They are just ugly pigs who have kids out of wedlock with deadbeat dads.
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Kent Harris
I swear projection will be the death of people like you.
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Now we understand that we black women are ugly for you! But tell me why white people if they feel so superior why should always remember to death that they are beautiful?For me, white people suffer from a inferiority complex, why other ethnic groups don’t spend all the time to say shit and crap others!
You tell me why white women are the ones that they make to breast surgery, lips and asses and have attitudes of black women?
If black women are ugly for you why white women make surgery ass, lips and get the lamps to the skin? Things I don’t like in this world are racism and hypocrisy!
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