Domestic violence is where those who are married or dating use violence against each other. In this post I will talk mainly about wife beaters – husbands who beat up or even kill their wives – but please keep in mind that wives can be violent too and so can someone you are dating. It is the same sickness of the mind in all cases.
People tend to think of wife beaters as men who do not know how to control their anger.
Wrong.
It has little to do with anger. It is all about control.
That is why their moods seem to change suddenly, why they get angry about little things, why they go from sweet to violent and back to sweet again. Some of them will even think out in advance what they will get angry about and set you up!
The violence is part of a broader pattern of behaviour. The hitting is just one part of it.
It starts with words. They pick on every little thing you do, you can do nothing right, you do not use your brain. They make you feel like an ant. They make you feel like you are nothing without them. They are trying to crush your spirit.
Because they are trying to control you, they always want to know where you are, they are always checking up on you, calling you, thinking you are seeing another man (even though according to them no other man would have you!). They do not like when you spend time with your friends; they try to keep you away from your family.
When they do hit you they blame you for it or find some other excuse – dinner was late, the house is not clean, something.
After they hit you some might say they are sorry. A honeymoon period follows where they are sweet to you, they bring you flowers, you feel special and loved.
But after a while they will start picking on you again and put you down and seem to find every excuse to get angry and upset.
And so it goes round and round, but the round and round can get worse and worse and put you in the hospital or in your grave.
Can wife beaters get help? Can they change their ways? Can they break out of this sick pattern? I do not know.
The advice most people give is to leave.
Easier said than done. Many of these women still love their husbands and want their marriages to work. “He is a great husband except for ….” Also some women have bought into the message these wife beaters feed them about being nothing without them.
And if you do leave, where will you go? What about money? What about your children? It is not easy.
But it is worse than even that: it is just when these women try to leave that they are most in danger. Because, remember, it is all about control.
See also:
i want to leave husband of 6 yrs with 2 kids but my parents and some members of d family and church wont let me
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Tell them to ¨piss off, grab your kids and get to your nearest women’s shelter. It is your life and your kids’ lives your talking about here, not your family and in-laws’ sense of propriety.
Seriously.
If he’s hurting you, get out of there! There ARE people who’ll help you, even if your family won’t.
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Have you ever watched “No One Would Tell”? That’s a classic example of domestic violence at the high school dating level…I think everybody has seen some type of domestic violence, and if you recognize the signs, jump ship as soon as possible. Your life is more important than his “love”.
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Abagond:
This nation doesn’t love women as much as it claims. We love to brag about helping women in poor countries escape violence and sexism, yet, we do nothing to protect women in this country. Police officers don’t care, prosecutors don’t care, judges don’t care. Let’s not forget that women are the majority population in this country, however, that fact alone doesn’t buy them protection. As blackmen, we’re just as screwed up as other men when it comes to protecting womanhood. We see the contradiction throughout the culture, in films, music, sports, and so forth. Certain folk are breaking their necks to protect the rights of gays and lesbians, yet, do nothing for women in the same regard…Another Contradiction On Display!
Tyrone
MindScape
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16-year-old young girl viciously abused by boyfriend for over a month, her body as if cut by a thousand knives
This article about an abused girl by her 29 year old boyfriend has some disturbing comments.
I can’t understand how the young girl “deserved” having a back almost without skin and many infected cuts. So what if she didn’t leave after the first hit, that does not give that man the right to abuse her. Most comments were more supportive of the girl at least.
It makes me wonder about domestic abuse and how a woman is most likely to be killed/abused in the home by a spouse/boyfriend then a stranger. Why is that? I understand that women are generally at home but I would expect it to be a safer place. I am deluded, I guess.
I also wonder about the attitude of some people concerning the abused and how the victim can be made to feel ashamed as if they did something wrong. It is puzzling.
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Thanks
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i’m not innocent but my ex-wife was a person of extreme violence pulling knifes on me almost having a traffic accident where i would have been t-boned, punching me in the face while i was driivng and hitting my kids, i didn’t call the cops back then because i was usually high it was a wrong move
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we were both takin ninjutsu lessons for over a year it was like the battle royale her parents called our crib ‘the boxing house’ i’m sure she presented me in the most negative light possible
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I have been with my husband 8 years together but 5 years married I have
4 kids and two are not his. when he drinks he hits me. and sometimes comes homes saying the craziest shit like I am sleeping with man when my kids are in my bed. How do I get out of this marriage? this is not love and I know it.
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I believe that a typical abuser hates themselves and know exactly what they are doing. I say this because- what’s the “nice” period for, you know- the beginning? To lead the potential victim on, not knowing what that person is really capable of. My abuser seemed cool for a year. No issues, small arguments but nothing crazy. The typical relationship turned violent out of nowhere, once he assumed that he had control. He knew I loved him- being jealous, pushing people away from me, telling lies and putting me down didn’t work. I speak to all victims!! You are so much better than them! They will never change, Don’t think for a second that they will!!!! Once it’s over they will continue to beg with all the sorries in the world and say things that actually makes sense of why they do what they do. All that talk don’t matter cause no one in this world should put their hands on you. They don’t know how to treat nurturing human beings because they are monsters. YOU ARE NOT THE PROBLEM, THEY ARE. You’re in a tight spot?? find a way out, and please stop caring about their feelings, it’s obvious how they feel about you. Love yourself.
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