Exotic women are women who look like they are from a different place, whose unfamiliar looks add to their beauty. Kerouac thought black women were exotic – as do quite a few commenters on this blog,
“Exotic”, at best, is a relative term: exotic for whom? It is like saying someone has an accent. There is something unstated that you are comparing it to. What might be exotic in White America would not be exotic in parts of New York, Lebanon or China.
When someone says a woman looks “exotic”, the question that springs to mind is: Where do you live? What kind of women are you used to?
The women in Thailand do not look exotic in Thailand, even if they look that way to you. The same goes for any other country you can name, even Madagascar.
And that gets to the second point: exotic women are not exotic. Not to themselves – just to you. Exotic is a point of view, a trick of the mind, it is not something in the women themselves.
That means that exotic women are the same as those boring, very unexotic women you know and run into all the time. Women are the same all over the world. Exotic women are not any easier to date or get into bed, they are not going to fall at your feet, despite the stories you have heard (but if they do, keep reading). If you have little luck with unexotic women, then you will have little luck with exotic ones.
Note: if they do fall at your feet when unexotic women do not, then that is a huge red flag. Most likely it is because you are from a rich country and they are from a poor one. It is not you that they like – they see you for the dork you are – but the chance to get into or stay in your country. Do not fool yourself.
Now from the other end:
If a man says you are “exotic”, then that is a huge red flag too. He is not seeing you but some picture he has cooked up in his head about women who look like you. There is a good chance that he is a loser or just wants you for sex.
If he seems to think you are exotic, then ask yourself these two questions:
- Does he often go out with women of his own kind?
- Have you met his mother?
“No” to either of these questions is a bad sign. If he avoids having you meet his mother, then he is using you. If he barely dates women of his own kind then there is a good chance he is dating not you but a stereotype.
Ask to meet his mother – or, better yet, grandmother. Ask him what he thinks about women who look like you and about women of his own kind. See what he says.
See also:
Aba’s giving dating advice, now! LOL. I’m kidding.
This whole “exotic” thing can apply in many ways. Lots of women also fetishize men who appear “unfamiliar” to them. This can displayed intraracially (skin color preferences; different nationalities) and of course, as your entry notes, interracially. I personally think that it’s based on unconscious prejudices towards those the individual finds “exotic”.
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Being exotic definitely has its upsides in which you might turn heads but also has its downsides where you’re not seen as a person anymore. The woman in the photo is seems exotic to me because of the unfamiliarity. Interesting mixture she has.
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She looks exotic to me too. She is a mix of Madagascar, India and Indonesia. More about her here:
https://abagond.wordpress.com/2008/11/20/tara-shakti/
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Exotic is really relative, as Aba says, because I don’t find the woman above to be “exotic”. She’s very attractive but not unusually so. It really is all individual perception.
I believe that the people of Madagascar are generally a mix of India, Indonesia and surrounding African countries. The continent of Africa is actually the most racially mixed, believe it or not.
Kat’s right, there’s upsides and downsides to everything. Have you been referred to as “exotic” before?
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Excellent point: men too, of course, can seem exotic.
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It’s funny how I had always liked being called ‘exotic’. It’s only recently that I’m starting to see how racist such remarks are.
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just remember its not always racist – it just means different to some people. Different isnt bad. Unless like aba has said…they wont bring you home to meet mama or its part of a fetish. My husband mostly dated tiny petite women. Athletic. He dated black women, white, latin etc…
I am a big, curvy – full figured women…perhaps I was exotic to his eyes – different.
My niece is often called exotic…and again I think its because she is different. Part of it is probably because people are unsure what racial background she is – and people always wish to catergorize each other, put them in the appropriate box in their brain. She is very beautiful – but different (yet familiar) to everyone. I think is because she is tri-racial (more than two)…There are things people recognize about her – yet things that are different from themselve…therefore she is exotic.
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I’m not exotic. And those remarks are racist. I don’t look too different from other coloured women in South Africa.
I guess the [white] people who call me exotic do not socialise much with people who do not look like them. And that is why they think I look exotic.
But you’re right, though: different is good.
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I like exotic women, so what? It’s the same as saying that I like blue eyes or large men. If we have a preference toward the opposite sex now we’re dorks or losers. The original post is no doubt from an American woman, sexists to the core. By the way I’m married to an exotic we have exotic kids and we’re both very happy. Good luck anyway with your skewed perspective.
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It is not the same as blue eyes. There is no such thing as exotic women. Just as there is no such thing as speaking English without an accent.
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As a woman who gets that “exotic” label all the time – I gotta admit it confuses me. At times are I think that people just trying to find an excuse to stare at me – politely by saying “you’re exotic”. . .
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There’s such a thing as exotic, it just happens to be subjective as opposed to objective like beauty for example. Subjective evaluations are relevant to the individual making them. A person is exotic relative to the observer in which case you’re right its not exactly a quality like blue eyes in the sense that it can be universally agreed upon. It’s nonetheless just like blue eyes to the individual observer and therefore my point is still valid: a person who likes an exotic look simply prefers certain qualities over others. In my case I’m just drawn to things that are A different and B esthetically pleasing i.e. exotic music, food, women, cultures and places.
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Exotic is a point of view exotic looks DONT make you better than anyone else in my book.
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I don’t know what to think about when being called exotic. Sometimes it feels like it was meant to be a compliment…yet on the other hand its kind of rude 😦
exotic sounds like as in a vase or a lamp…
some kind of “object” instead of a human being 😦 ughh
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If a man says you are “exotic”, then that is a huge red flag too. He is not seeing you but some picture he has cooked up in his head about women who look like you. There is a good chance that he is a loser or just wants you for sex.
This is very, very good advice, as is the rest of the article.
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I grew up in an area with few POC. I’ve been called exotic more times than I care to remember. Hearing that word made me think something was wrong with me or I was different.
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The most exotic people are people in the Americas- North America, South America, the Caribbean. Because a lot of the people here have mixed ancestry so they all look different. In the old world people from specific regions or countries usually all look alike. Chinese people all look alike, Anglo-Saxon English people all look alike, Somalis all look alike, Polish people all look alike, etc. So a Chinese person is only exotic until you see another million Chinese people with the exact same features. Whereas in the Americas everyone has different features. Black Americans all have different features and skin tones. White Americans often have ancestors from different parts of Europe and sometimes Native American or African ancestors. In Latin America no two people seem to look alike.
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Chinese people all look alike, Anglo-Saxon English people all look alike, Somalis all look alike, Polish people all look alike, etc
The “All X people look alike!” spiel. Wow. Just wow.
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All those people have the same features. Chinese people look Chinese. Polish people look Polish. Ever met a Chinese person with naturally green eyes? Or a Polish person with a dark brown complexion and nappy hair? Some nationalities have relatively similar or uniform features and others don’t. People in New World societies generally don’t have uniform features and Old World societies often do.
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Cpt,
All those people have the same features.
No, they don’t.
Chinese people look Chinese. Polish people look Polish.
This is circular reason ing. “Chinese people look Chinese.” Well, how do Chinese people look? …Chinese. ???
Ever met a Chinese person with naturally green eyes? Or a Polish person with a dark brown complexion and nappy hair? Some nationalities have relatively similar or uniform features and others don’t.
I hear white people say all the time that “all black people look alike.” (And black people say that “all white people look alike.”) When asked how they all look alike, they use similar arguments as you have — “Have you ever seen a black person with naturally blonde hair?”
This has got to be one of the most amazing phenomenons ever; everyone thinks the people of their group look different, and members of all other groups look the same. 🙂
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Ever met a Chinese person with naturally green eyes?
Actually, I have.
You are aware that CHINESE is a nationality, not a race, right? And that there are, indeed, Chinese caucasians…?
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@Thad, I know China has ethnic minorities but when I said “Chinese” I was referring to Han Chinese, not to Uyghurs or any other minorities. I’m not saying that every individual looks identical just that they usually have distinct identifiable features.
@Natasha, a lot of people who say “all x people look alike” haven’t seen very many of x group of people. I’ve seen lots and lots of Chinese people. I’ve seen lots of people of different groups. Some groups of people have more uniform features than others.
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Good Post! Enjoyed the read and I agree. Exotic is not really exotic unless you’re not use to seeing it, then that only applies to you not to everyone.
Cpt:
There are black people, actually, with naturally blonde or red hair “nappy” texture and all and different eye colors other than brown. No, they are not the “common/typical” black person you’d see here in the US/Carribean but they do exist and who knows and becaue you’re not use to seeing this, I’m sure you’d consider them “exotic” as well but all in all… they just “are” and just bc you are just now discovering them, although they’ve been here for longer than you could imagine, doesn’t make them exotic on a large scale for all.
Please see Solomon Island and Papua New Guinea people
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“EXOTIC”
A tricky tricky word and subject for me.
There’s also this side to exotic/being called that…
White guy visits Asia. White guy meets Asian girl. White guy goes bananas. White guy thinks “exotic”. When actually that exotic girl is just the typical girl you see around in those parts. In fact, it’s the ones that go unnoticed by the locals who get the foreigners attention. And the locals will go for what’s unusual for them.
(Which brings me to another tedious subject which is beauty. Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. Yeah sure. For me, beauty is symmetry. If one can be scientific about it. I guess basing on what I wrote here, beauty also means finding something special or different, like what’s exotic to the foreigner and the local.)
Anyways, going back. To be more blunt, what a local finds ugly, the foreigner finds beautiful. So the word exotic has taken a whole new meaning in that context. This has been a tried and tested fact and has been a joke for ages amongst locals .
So that is how exotic is a point of view and a trick of the mind for me. I hope I have not twisted the article too badly. Just sharing.
Oh and also, I agree on that bit on how they could also just be after your money and the citizenship. Unfortunately true. Not for all but a lot of that going on too.
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I think all of the posts have come to the firm conclusion that “exotic” is something or someone different. But there is also the distinct impression that to use the term “exotic” in regards to beauty is left entirely up to the individual. Which lends further creed to the phrase ‘beauty is in the eye of the beholder.’
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exotic meaning something different in physical appearance that attracts by individual (we can even say exotic taste,smells,colors,textures because there’s something unussual tot he subject!)And if they say your look exotic ,they are meaning to say that you look different but with beautiful features that they can’t tell e.g.where you from or ethnicity you belong!
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Maybe i’ve got it all wrong, and maybe it shouldn’t bother me but it does. My wife is a beautiful brown “Chamorro” from the island of Guam. And as a black dude a few of my friends (mostly male) like to comment on her sexy legs and skin tone. Hell i love sexy women with nice legs and smooth skin.And a few times they’d tell her about how exotic she was. Maybe i just can’t understand why all women that are sexy and beautiful or hot. Can’t just be sexy, beautiful or hot. why add that extra word of difference. I guess the thing that bugs me out is that i’ve never heard that express toward Latino women, Jamaican women or African women wearing their ethnic garb from their given homelands. It seems to me that its mostly directed toward the stereotypical” grass skirt long hair Asian/Pacific Islander”. I mean we need to take a little time to think about the words and meanings given to them by white racist male and ignorant people. I mean there are some black people out there that still refer to their hair as nappy. I’ve heard some people that still say “oriental” or “chinese” when talking about people from Asia. To all you Goddess out there….I Love you. Black White Asian…all sexy all beautiful…short hair, long hair whatever..lets leave exotic to ignorants
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I guess the thing that bugs me out is that i’ve never heard that express toward Latino women, Jamaican women or African women wearing their ethnic garb from their given homelands. It seems to me that its mostly directed toward the stereotypical” grass skirt long hair Asian/Pacific Islander”.
It’s one of the most common adjectives used by black and white americans to describe Brazilians, so yeah, at least some latinos get slapped with that lable.
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You could say Brazilians are default people for this stereotype.
Everybody likes Brazil and Brazilians, especially people who know nothing about Brazil and who never been there.
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LOL!
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^You beat me to it.
(Mira, not saying any names, right? ;))
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some asian girl,
I’ve also heard the theory that foreigners aren’t attacted to the typically beautiful women of that region. I guess that’s true.
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I’ve been told I’m exotic-looking lots of times. I’ve also been called “doll” by strangers on several different occasions. All this seems to correlate to my having big slanted eyes, high cheek bones, and a small mouth with cupid’s bow lips. My features attract men of all the races I’ve come across here in NYC, and I’ve had both men and women stare into my face with a look of awe. Some men, though, expect me to behave a certain way because of the way I look (which is a big mistake on their part).
It gets a little surreal sometimes, but overall I take the whole “exotic” thing as a compliment.
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I guess maybe its not that serious of a thing.. like i probably shouldn’t get upset if they tell me I have beautiful nappy hair or call me exotic. Naa. I’m gonna correct them. I’d rather send someone in the right direction then bask in a compliment
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i think looking exotic is looking sexual. to me . almond eyes, strong cheek bones,full lips etc. thats why some people consider black women exotic. its base mainly on these features. sort alike cat women. that girl is gorgeous.
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exotic. interesting. so heres what i don’t understand. certain people say that you can ONLY be exotic if you’re a darker or tan complexion. i say thats bull cuz theres so many light people with striking features that i think are exotic. but theres also amazingly beautiful “exotic” dark and tan people. and then theres celebrities like Megan Fox and Adriana Lima that people view as exotic. no offense but i don’t really see anything exotic about either of them. yea they’re beautiful but i’ve seen the same type of girls like them at the mall. yea i got a tan, grey eyes, and brown hair and been called exotic. but it depends where you live. i live in LA btw. this whole “exotic” thing is so overrated and kinda annoying
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I’m Filipino and black..my features are very interesting. Growing up I have always been offended at people calling my hair “white.” I heard this remark from all races…
Now with the exotic thing, I don’t know when I should take it as a compliment or get pissed. I think men automatically assume exotic girls = very sexual women.
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According to Merriam Webster, “Exotic” means “introduced from another country : not native to the place where found”. Which means, ANYONE of a distinct and different race in the respective country is exotic. A white blonde girl would be considered exotic in Thaliand, Africa, and/or countries that don’t normally have white blonde citizens. An African girl will be considered exotic in countries that don’t have African looking citizens (China, Thailand, USA..etc). So everyone is exotic in a country that doesn’t have citizens that look like them. It’s not a bad word, it’s a COMPLIMENT. I love being called exotic, it differentiates me from everyone else in that environment.
Nice post though 🙂
@sabrinaaman
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@CPT
Indeed, I have seen quite a few Han Chinese with parents who were both Han Chinese who have green or blue eyes. It is not common, of course, but it does occur.
Multiracial people are often viewed as being exotic. No matter where they go, people might think they look different, therefore exotic.
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vanity from vanity6 back in da day she’s very beautiful. she looks hispanic mostly but she’s half black & white{german}. i love her she’s the meaning of a exotic beauty person.
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I think I probably commented on this article a while back under a past username, Anyway, I’ve been referred to as being “exotic” or exotic-looking by women, as well as by men, and by Blacks, as well as by non-Blacks since I was around 14 years old.
I have a light golden complexion, wavy/curly brown hair, high cheek bones, cupid’s bow shaped lips, and eyes which are large / wide, but are also slanted. From what I can tell, people seem to mostly stare at the combination of these last 3 characteristics just before uttering the ‘E-word’ lol. Growing up, even though I tended to focus much more on my education and intellect than on my appearance, the whole ‘exotic’ thing never really irked me as it does others; I found it quaint but flattering.
I rarely felt fetishized / objectified. Most people are actually polite about it — though a bit awestruck, this was especially the case when I was in my teens and 20s. A number of white American men, though, thought I was of an East or Southeast Asian ethnicity: I avoided these men like the plague. A lot of Mediterranean / Middle Eastern men also seemed especially mesmerized, which worked really great for me, as I’ve always had an attraction for really good-looking men of this type anyway. 😉
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yes the “boring” white american women are exotic in many places in latin america specially in non white enviroments just like lower class places and rural settings. Black and aboriginal people are not exotic in those contexs, Many blond hair woman are the exotic one and highly priced by men.
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“How You Talking About Sofía Vergara and Shakira Destroys My Colombian Tumbao”
“We could analyze Modern Family through a postcolonial lens for days, or chat about why Shakira is suddenly so appealing to mainstream audiences. But that’s not what I’m trying to do here. We need to recognize that both women are performing an artifice of Colombian womanhood that is in no way representative of who we are. To me the problem is not Sofía Vergara (queen, you may do what you wish, also call me if you read this), but that, in the mainstream collective consciousness, her performance stands in as representation of ALL of Colombian women because everyone is too lazy to Google anything else about us.”
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DENISE MATTHEWS AKA VANITY SHE WAS/STILL IS BEAUTIFUL & EXOTIC LOOKING. RIP MY ANGEL!
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I been told exotic many times by friends and different men but it makes me feel like exotic is something that you put on a shelve and not handle…
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