Nezua the Unapologetic Mexican (1969- ) grew up in Bethesda, Maryland and other places all across America, half Mexican and half white by blood. On his blog he writes beautifully about the not-so-beautiful experience. What follows is merely my overview. Links to his blog follow.
He looks white but not quite. Like in the summer he was afraid to go outside because he would turn dark in no time. But most times only other Mexicans could tell what he was – and try to speak to him in Spanish!
White people told him he could pass for white - as if he never tried that, as if it were that easy. He did try it, from age 8 to 19. His name was even changed to an Anglo one everyone could say when his white, Irish American stepfather signed all the papers to make him his son in the eyes of the law: he went from Joaquín to Jack. For a while he even lightened his skin, shaved off all his hair and changed his eye colour with contact lenses. His English was perfect, better than most. He tried to be “universal”.
… nobody has tried harder than I to be “white.” Nobody knows as well as I that despite how many moments you think you pull it off, unless it’s what you really are, then in the end, being WHITE means erasing yourself until there’s nothing there.
Trying to be white, “the Bestest thing ya could be”, led to anger, confusion and self-hatred. He was denying his true self. It took him years to undo the damage. Telling his story is part of the undoing.
No matter how you make yourself look on the outside there is still your heart on the inside. The heart that, for example, has to listen to the racist jokes white people will tell with you sitting right there – because, ha ha, it is just a joke, so lighten up already.
His mother was a good mother, but she was white. She could not undersand what being Mexican meant. His Mexican father was out of the picture by age five. So all he knew about Mexico came from white people – from their racist jokes, television shows, Hollywood films, books and, most of all, from their faces:
… what did “Mexican” mean to me? It meant weird pauses. Wrinkled brows. Forced smiles. Awkward transitions that even as a child I was very aware of.
In high school he looked more and more like his father. The mirror laughed at his attempts to become white.
His mother searched for his birth father and found him at long last in Iowa. He spent a summer there with his father’s family when he was 19. They regarded him as Mexican and it felt good – right there in Iowa City in the middle of America.
… the acceptance I get from the brown world is always nourishing, always empowering. And the acceptance from the white world, when it thinks I am not brown, is always degrading, debasing. If you can understand that, then you understand a lot.
See also:
- This post is based mainly on these two from the Unapologetic Mexican:
- Nezua’s Glosario
- Race and growing up in America:
- growing up Asian American – this comes closest of the ones I have done. I have not done growing up Latino (yet)
- growing up biracial (the black-and-white-kind)
- growing up black – for comparison.
- Examples:
- internalized racism
- the white club
- passing
Wow, I am definetly checking out his blog now thanks for all the post about him
Great post Abagond. I have been reading his blog on and off but had gotten away from it. Now i will definitely be a more regular reader. He has lots of great “truths” he is putting out there. Thanks again Aba, for this post.
I’m definitely going to read his blog
I’ve grown up with many mixed race White/Mexicans and observed that, sadly, the ones who could “pass for White” have ended up living their lives as Whites who completely ignore their Mexican heritage.
Thanks for this overview, I find Nezua’s blog very useful. Don’t overlook his great videos!
Wow, Nezua’s story is very poignant.
I’m glad that he learned to embrace his Mexican roots instead of trying to obliterate them in order to assimiliate in the white “mainstream”.
Being that Mexican isn’t a race, I’m assuming by the pics of Neu’s parents in the post that Neuza’s father was “mestizo” (white/Native) or straight-ahead Native. Neuza appears more “racially ambigious” than white Anglo as well. But then again, that’s subjective. Although, to my eyes, he could never pass for a white when he was a boy or man.
I should also add that I will defintely look into Nuezo’s blog! Seems very insightful. Thank you for exposing us readers to a quality blog.
Its funny that Nezua is talking about racism and being mistreated, cause latinos are racist and hateful towards black people.
They use racist postage stamps in mexico they make nasty comments about black people in order to get jobs “We will do the jobs that even blacks don’t want” (Vicente Fox)
Don’t start me on how they treated me and my black co-workers at my jobs, talking about me in front of me in spanish and refusing to speak english.
^^^
Am I crazy or does ERE come off a bit “trollish”? I always had that impression of her ever since she started commenting on this blog. Aba or anyone else out there, am I getting a wrong impression?
I do not think she is being a troll – getting people upset for her own amusement or just to cause trouble. I think she is merely speaking her mind. On the other hand I have had to delete some of her posts for calling people names.
Erzulie said:
“Its funny that Nezua is talking about racism and being mistreated, cause latinos are racist and hateful towards black people.”
That does not mean that Nezua himself is racist towards black people. On the other hand, experiencing racism does not mean you cannot be racist in turn.
ErzulieRedEyes Says:
Tue 24 Nov 2009 at 23:44:59
“Its funny that Nezua is talking about racism and being mistreated, cause latinos are racist and hateful towards black people.
They use racist postage stamps in mexico they make nasty comments about black people in order to get jobs “We will do the jobs that even blacks don’t want” (Vicente Fox)
Don’t start me on how they treated me and my black co-workers at my jobs, talking about me in front of me in spanish and refusing to speak english.”
I have to agree with ERE on this one. I’ve been on the receiving end of many racist comments – little did they know that I speak Spanish.
Reading this post makes me thankful for my parents. They taught me where I come from, but most importantly they instilled in me a sense of of pride in simply being myself that no one can take away.
Man I have to co-sign that some people who have come from White/Latino unions largely want to join the “white club” and assimilate so badly. i.e. Jessica Alba anyone? They are some who our grow it. I knew a girl who was Irish/Mexican but looked more Mestizo in appearance. She tried her hardest to distance herself from her Mexican heritage and discriminated them and Blacks. However, she out grew that fast and went on to accept it.
Hmm…I’ve known some non-black Latinos (as well as white Anglo/non-black Latino offspring) who tried VERY hard to join the white club. Yet, it always seemed to backfire on them. They saw that the white associates and lovers and mindsets still didn’t grant them permanent membership.
i think he could pass 4 white, he could pass as italian, i had a welsh kid in my class and he was about his color, so i do think he could pass, not white-white, but could he pass…yes
Thanks Nezua for this excellent pot. i certainly would be checking out your posts from now.It must feel very liberating to be who you truly are than to be living in denial and pretending to be someone you are not.It doesn’t mean you should deny your white heritage either.Personally i think that living a lie is surely death itself.thanks again abagond for links to this wonderful post.
mynameismyname Says:
^^^
Am I crazy or does ERE come off a bit “trollish”? I always had that impression of her ever since she started commenting on this blog. Aba or anyone else out there, am I getting a wrong impression?
Yeah at times!
Back to the topic!
To me Nezua looks white and probably is mostly white. You can detect the native american in him though!
Wow. That’s a powerful story. And thanks for the links. I was trying to find his story in his blog, but didn’t know where to look. so thanks. And i’ll definitely check it out.
Great post and I will check out the blog. The funny thing about using the “passing” concept with Latinos is that many of them ARE white in their own countries, and therefore ARE white in America. Someone can be White or Black AND Latino. Nezua is dark because of his Indigenous heritage, therefore complicating his ability to negotiate himself into Whiteness. Contrary to popular belief, Latinos (not Asians) intermarry with White Americans the most. Now the next question is, what *type* of Latinos….White Latinos.
Fascinating nonetheless, I will check him out
abagond Says:
Wed 25 Nov 2009 at 00:03:52
Erzulie said:
“Its funny that Nezua is talking about racism and being mistreated, cause latinos are racist and hateful towards black people.”
That does not mean that Nezua himself is racist towards black people. On the other hand, experiencing racism does not mean you cannot be racist in turn.”
Well i know that he doesn’t love black people, none of the latino people do, because latinos want to be white people so they distance themselves from black people.
That’s why we have sammy sosa bleaching his skin, looking like cab calloway on crack.
Its good to see Nezua seeing the reality of white supremacy and its effects on people but latinos are not allies of the black community.
Latinos that come to the usa even put white as their race on job applications so they can be apart of the “superior raza.”
At my old job we had nothing but latino people speaking spanish in front of me and my black co-workers and laughing at us.
We could tell that they were saying nasty things about us to our face but because they said it in spanish and they were latino it was ok to do it.
Once they were reported for it they would claim they are being discriminated against.
They refused to speak english and they thought that if you were not latino you did not deserve your job because even mexicans always say “only latinos work hard.”
I’m sure if i started speaking an african language i would get fired.
My wife had an experience like that with Filipinos at her workplace.
You said:
“Well i know that he doesn’t love black people, none of the latino people do, because latinos want to be white people so they distance themselves from black people.”
Whether he loves black people or not I do not know. If he does not it will not be because he wants to be white and distance himself from black people. Some people are like that, I know, even some black people, but he does not strike me as one of them.
Sammy Sosa wants to be white, but Nezua does not. They are dealing with the same issue but in different ways.
abagond Says:
Sat 28 Nov 2009 at 22:48:06
My wife had an experience like that with Filipinos at her workplace.
Sammy Sosa wants to be white, but Nezua does not. They are dealing with the same issue but in different ways.”
Oh lord, I dealt with the filipinos too.
Since the spanish conquered them back in the day, all the latinos at my last job LOVED the filipino people! And the filipinos were treated equal because they spoke spanish too and had latin names.
Nezua looks mexican to me, he don’t look white, he doesn’t have the light pink albino skin.
Sammy sosa is stupid to bleach his skin!
Fool he is!
Most Filipinos do not speak straight up Spanish. They speak several Filipino dialects with some Spanish loan words thrown in due to the colonialism. However, there is a pidgin Spanish spoken in the Philippines (Chavacano), but only a minority still speak it. The Filipinos with Spanish last names is also a result of the colonialism. And, yet, there are Filipinos who have retained their ethnic surname. I know of Filipinos who have spoken to each other in my presence because they didn’t think I look the typical Filipino and would say whatever they wanted. They were surprised when I responded to them in English. This applies to all people who speak a different language in front of others. It’s not a Latin thing or a Filipino thing, it’s a rudeness thing.
leigh204 Says:
Sun 29 Nov 2009 at 00:08:49
Most Filipinos do not speak straight up Spanish. They speak several Filipino dialects with some Spanish loan words thrown in due to the colonialism. However, there is a pidgin Spanish spoken in the Philippines (Chavacano), but only a minority still speak it. The Filipinos with Spanish last names is also a result of the colonialism. And, yet, there are Filipinos who have retained their ethnic surname. I know of Filipinos who have spoken to each other in my presence because they didn’t think I look the typical Filipino and would say whatever they wanted. They were surprised when I responded to them in English. This applies to all people who speak a different language in front of others. It’s not a Latin thing or a Filipino thing, it’s a rudeness thing.”
No, at my last job it was a latino thing, there were only 3 black people working in my department and the latinos were very nasty to us because we were not latino.
They deliberately said nasty things to me and my co-workers and then at times would refuse to speak english when they could.