The following is based on Dr Beverly Tatum’s excellent book, “Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?” (1997):
Most studies done on biracial or mixed-race children growing up in America have been done on those with a white and a black parent. There is no general agreement yet on the stages they go through, but Dr Tatum says it goes something like this:
- ages 1 to 5: You become aware that your skin and hair is different than one of your parents. You want your same-sex parent to be like you. One girl said if she had a magic wand she would turn her mother brown like her. Your parents say you can be both black and white but it does not make sense. You may get a good deal of unwanted attention. But worse than that is if you get cut off from the black side of your family and your white side bad mouths them. That, along with the racist messages coming from society, will make it hard for you to feel good about yourself down the road. It is not as bad the other way round because society will help you to feel good about your white side.
- ages 6 to 12: By now your parents have stuck a label on you: black, white or biracial. You are starting to think of yourself that way too – and at the same time you are finding out how well that label works in practice. If you do not look like your label it is going to be rough. “Biracial” does not work in all towns and neighbourhoods. It depends. If you look white, then your friends are going to be in for a shock when they see your black parent. (It is less of a shock the other way round.)
- ages 13 to 18: This is the hard part. You are going to be asked to choose sides. The tables at lunch become more divided by race. There is no biracial table. If you sit at a black table they might say you are “not black enough”. You will also have to hear their angry words about whites. You might share that anger if you have experienced racism too, but for you it will not be so straightforward. Yet at the white table you might hear racist remarks. Even if you look white, “passing” as white might not be as easy as you think if they know you are part black. You will run into the same trouble with dating – many white parents will see you as black no matter what. So if you are, say, a biracial girl growing up among whites, they might say you look beautiful and “exotic” but you are still dateless.
- ages 19 to 25: You become more secure in yourself. You are less affected by what others think. You can freely accept both the white and black parts of yourself. It is much easier to think of yourself as “biracial” than it was in high school.
See also:
i personally don’t really like her stages she made…it just seems kinda empty in my opinion.
i think its based on, which parent raised you (not to mention which race). whether or not either side of your family was in your life and how they acted, and where you are raised and how you were raised. also your regular personality (and likes and dislikes) will also play a role.
its really hard to describe the biracial experience, because many biracial people can’t relate to each other, sometimes you have to go online just to find someone similar…
i can see why there is no agreement as to the stages biracial people go through, because its hard to figure out what most go through because most people don’t care to know about it. and each mixed person has a different experience.
Very interesting timeline. I think the experience may vary according to the individual, of course. I have a 19-month-old biracial nephew (black father, white mother), and I often wonder what his experience will be like once he gets old enough to really understand that he’s biracial.
Also, it would be interesting if this could be developed for mixed people without a white parent (i.e. black and hispanic, or asian and hispanic, etc.). I’m sure their experiences are MUCH different. I have a friend who is Arab and Pacific Islander, and I don’t even want to think about how hard that must have been for her when she was a teenager.
Another black/white offspring post?
Does the term “biracial” automatically equate to black/white? I’m curious.
I agree with Alwaysright, each person’s experience is totally different. There truly is no one “racial experience” for anyone of African descent. A lot of black people with two black parents go through many of those stages.
But again, does “biracial” and “mixed race” only mean black/white now? Does it only matter if the two racial extremes procreate?
There are more biracial children with a white and an Asian parent, but most of the studies have been done on those with a black and a white parent. Thus Tatum wrote about the latter. And even they are not that well studied and understood, as Alwaysright101 pointed out and as shown above by the lack of a stage model.
Barack Obama is biracial and was even brought up by the white side of his family, yet his life story follows the black stage model, not the above.
its funny you mention the “biracial” thing Mynameismyname i recently noticed that about the word “biracial” at facebook.
i know “mulatto” is supposed to be bad…but i actually am starting to prefer that to “biracial”. it used to be and sometimes still is, when you hear “biracial”, people by default think “black and white”.
but now with more and more mixes showing up, biracial is becoming a very vague word…part of me feels, society should just start making specific words for mixes like Mestizo, Mulatto, Eurasian, Afro-Asian (aka Blasian).
i was thinking about the word Afro-Caucasian…but to me Mulatto sounded better.
i doubt individual words will come out, since society still isnt used to “biracial” yet.
From my observations, most black/white offspring follow the black stage model.
No matter what, someone is a product of a black/white union WILL NEVER BE WHITE. They can claim black or “mixed/biracial” but never white. That’s fascinating, right?
I’m very curious about the varying experiences and attitudes of white/Asaian offspring or any non-black interracial individual. That’s far more interesting.
Mynameismyname said:
From my observations, most black/white offspring follow the black stage model.
I agree. I think the “biracial experience” applies mainly to those who are caught in the middle for some reason – because of how they look or where and how they were brought up. I am thinking in particular of near-white-looking kids brought up in white neighbourhoods as either “white” or “biracial”.
Mynameismyname said:
I’m very curious about the varying experiences and attitudes of white/Asaian offspring or any non-black interracial individual. That’s far more interesting.
There should be enough on growing up hapa for a post. I will see what I can find.
Kip Fullbeck, does alot on growing up Hapa.
Right, mulatto is so much better than “biracial”. A pity it has fallen out of favour.
Kip Fullbeck? Oh cool. Thanks!
The odd thing about being “Not Black Enough” is that many mixed-race kids fall into the trap of proving how “Black” they can be by getting into a lot of trouble.
>Barack Obama…follows the black stage model, not the above.
But didn’t Obama go through this as well? : “You will also have to hear their angry words about whites. You might share that anger if you have experienced racism too, but for you it will not be so straightforward.”
(When he goes to the barber in ‘Dreams from my father’. Though he may have concluded that he’s black instead of biracial.)
Obama is bound to have some things in common with biracial people, but he lacks the single most important thing of all: the experience of being caught between the races. Blacks accepted him when he was growing up, whites on the whole did not. That more than anything else is what makes you black as opposed to biracial or white.
In my single years I dated two biracial young women, both very pretty (think Alicia Keys and Halle Berry), one raised by a single black mother within a predominantly black extended family and one raised by a single white mother within a completely white extended family. Not surprisingly, the music of their speech and non-verbal communication, as well as their racial identity, tracked their upbringing. The “black” one didn’t have too many personal issues about her mix other than some level of jealous hostility from darker skinned sisters. The “white” one didn’t either, other than a level of annoyance about having to repeatedly answer the “what are you?” questions that she invariably got from strangers.
What I learned from that is that if you’re a highly attractive young woman the world pretty much always kisses your ass and everything comes easily.
“What I learned from that is that if you’re a highly attractive young woman the world pretty much always kisses your ass and everything comes easily.”
True that!
I hate to say this but:
As much as I complain about specific “racial” incidents, I’ve had an inordinate and even illogical amount of luck and opportunity in my life. I would never have made it so far if I was an ugly white woman.
Being ugly is worse than being black (or biracial).
It’s simple: when you’re pretty and pleasant people want to have you around. If you’re nice to look at even other women will prefer you. They give you the benefit of the doubt and plenty of second chances. They stretch the criteria and are sympathetic to your plight. People WANT to like you, even if you’re black.
Okay, you can all begin throwing tomatoes at me now…
Mulatto is a derogatory term for most ppl… if you look into the history of the word you will see why the politically correct crew has adopted biracial, and why biracial often is taken to mean of black and white.
“What I learned from that is that if you’re a highly attractive young woman the world pretty much always kisses your ass and everything comes easily.”
This clearly isn’t a feminist blog, since this is the sentiment here… but this is a very misogynistic thing to say.
I do not believe in policing or moderating the thoughts of my commenters, just certain ways of expressing them:
http://abagond.wordpress.com/comment-policy/
Black & German,
I won’t throw tomatoes, I will agree with you (and I don’t think it’s a misogynistic statement). Attractive people get more perks, like better jobs, and they are perceived as nice, witty, and other positive traits at first glance. This isn’t opinion, there is actually research out there on this.
I will admit that I cannot relate to much of the “Black woman’s experience” (in quotes because obviously there is no single experience but YKWIM) because I’m considered attractive by most people, Black and White. The “you are pretty for a dark girl” comments have never been directed at me (at least to my face), and many people tend to imply that I am of an “ideal weight.” (I get a lot of “I’m so jealous” comments from both White and Black girls.) I don’t even think I’m super-fine, but I fit into enough overarching standards of beauty to get those perks. I don’t think “everything comes easily” to me or that people always “kiss my ass”, but I definitely get the benefit of the doubt and people make positive assumptions about me–their first impression is friendly, open, and to some White people,non-threatening. I doubt they’d make the same assumptions if I was overweight or ugly, no matter what my race was.
The comment was perhaps glib but it was not misogynist. In fact, there are numerous studies that document the respective social and economic privileges that accompany things like beauty and other physical attributes such as height. In general, people who are considered attractive have more opportunities, including employment and economic opportunities. Same with taller people, or trim/fit people vs. fat people.
biracial=black
simple as that…doesn’t matter about the white side, you are black
asian+white=you are asian
latino+white=you are latino
its what I’ve learnt and much easier to deal with this way
Latino isn’t a race.
I agree, Jhem, with everything else. Except East Asian + white can often equal white in the eyes of the majority. Even if the East Asian origins are known.
What race do you think most Americans would label such celebs as Jon from Jon & Kate, Keanu Reeves, Greg Louganis and Vanessa Hudgens?
Anything non-black+ white can equal white as long as the looks aren’t too ambigious but black is black in this part of the world. Essentially. No matter what anyone says.
Just had to comment on something that happened yesterday (and at least once every few months since high school). I was buying some lipstick and the sales woman asked me, “Where did you get those contacts? They look so real!”
The advent of colored contacts is the bane of my existence. Truly.
:-p
And I get tired of hair dressers getting on my case about “dying your daughter’s hair blonde”. As if!
24 – mynameismyname Says:
I agree, Jhem, with everything else. Except East Asian + white can often equal white in the eyes of the majority. Even if the East Asian origins are known.
What race do you think most Americans would label such celebs as Jon from Jon & Kate, Keanu Reeves, Greg Louganis and Vanessa Hudgens?
it’s the same old, same old as usual isn’t it? downplaying the experiences of racism that biracial Asian people have…
why don’t you ask Atlasien and Carmen Van Kerckhove if they are “white” or Asian…
*by “have” I meant experience… oops
Asian + white…it also depends on context. In Asia, they are seen as white, and definitely (though not always) enjoy white privilege. (Though for some such biracials who grow up in places like Japan, it may mean that they are never fully accepted as ‘Japanese’.) But when they go to the US, Australia or Europe, some have told me that they are perceived as ‘Asian’. So it depends on where they are and the ambiguity of their look.
^^
Exactly. That’s precisely what I said above.
well, mynameismyname you said What race do you think most Americans would label such celebs as Jon from Jon & Kate, Keanu Reeves, Greg Louganis and Vanessa Hudgens?
fromthetropics said But when they go to the US, Australia or Europe, some have told me that they are perceived as ‘Asian’.
so I guess the answer to your question mynameismyname is that these people are ASIAN
@fromthetropics – mynameismyname has a habit of being dismissive of racism experienced by Asian people
that said… I consider Cassie the RnB singer Afro-Asian-American – she is part Asian and black – to me she looks very Filipino like other Filipino people I know.
>so I guess the answer to your question mynameismyname is that these people are ASIAN
That’s not quite what I’m saying. I said ’some’ are perceived as Asian. Many do experience racism. But I also said it depends on context and the way they look. The very same people who are seen as Asian in the US can go to the other side of the world and be seen as white. And so I agree with both you, Therese, & mynameismyname.
I think this term ‘biracial’ is fairly new in usage. I also think it is generational in that most people over forty who have parents, one black, one white, consider themselves black. As for exposing them to two cultures, most children are exposed to white culture in the form of media education etc. So it is not a viable proposition that they be exposed to both cultures, they already are. In fact they may be overexposed in most circumstances. In most instances very little is taught in schools about Black history as opposed to European history for example. One has to seek out information on black history in many cases. So saying that a ‘biracial’ child be exposed to both is duplicitous at best. I think this is another form of white supremacy, a form of divide and conquer as it were.
I agree: White American culture can more than take care of itself: it is on television, in magazines and newspapers, in school, etc. It is so overpowering that many white people do not even see that it is there.
“Biracial” is an old word but in the sense that it has today – a person with parents from different races – it is new. As best as I can tell it seemed to have started in the 1990s among white American women who had children by black men but were trying to bring them up among whites. They were trying to protect their children from the anti-black racism that most whites have. In effect, they are trying to recreate the old mulatto caste.
We have adopted a biracial son; father very black; mother very Scandinavian white. Our son is 14 and has asked us what he can expect, should he marry a white woman, the color of his child’s skin to be.
Frankly I do not know the answer. Can you provide information.
We have adopted a biracial son; father was very black, mother very Scandinavian white. Our son is now 14 and has asked us what he can expect, sould he marry a white woman, the color his child’s skin to be.
Frankly I do not know the answer. Can you provide information.
Don Prater says
We have adopted a biracial son; father was very black, mother very Scandinavian white. Our son is now 14 and has asked us what he can expect, sould he marry a white woman, the color his child’s skin to be.
Frankly I do not know the answer. Can you provide information.
First off,
I don’t understand how you can’t answer!
and this type of question from a boy of 14 means a lot.
Why not teaching him how to get married with someone that loves.
the funny thing is why he didn’t ask if he should married a black woman ?
and also the way you described his parents, no wonder
To Don Prater
Our son is now 14 and has asked us what he can expect, should he marry a white woman, the color his child’s skin to be.
The answer would be that some of his children could like perhaps Latino and some could look more clearly like they had African heritage. There are even cases where children from a Biracial/White union look Italian or Spanish.
Consider the children of the American musician and producer, Quincy Jones, who had children with several different white women, Mr. Jones would definitely be called a black man in the US but in a place like Brazil he’d probably be considered Pardo. (mixed..)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quincy_Jones
His son Quincy Jones III whose mother was a Swedish woman:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/QDIII
His daughter Rashida with his former wife Peggy Lipton:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rashida_Jones
Also his daughter Kidada Jones from the same union:
http://superqdeals.net/images/kjones.jpg
Mr Jones with his daughter, Kenya Jone whose mother was Nastassja Kinski:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v300/sprewell/capta4a2f8cbf976433189a9183341f007c.jpg
I agree with Nubia that he should marry the person he loves, regardless of color.
“think Alicia Keys and Halle Berry” LOL. You wish!
“We have adopted a biracial son; father was very black, mother very Scandinavian white. Our son is now 14 and has asked us what he can expect, sould he marry a white woman, the color his child’s skin to be.”
Itvaries. There are some that may look full white and then there are many that still look mixed race. Look at actress Jessica Szhor or Thandie Newton’s children. I will say that if he is trying to some how trying to pick or pre-determine the looks of his future children then there are probably some underlying issues going on.
Huh. It looks almost exactly like what I went through. I’m Taiwanese/White- American (20 years old). That high school stage that was mentioned with the near racially segregated lunch tables was very obvious at my school (in my city, Plano, TX, it is very racially diverse – asian, caucasian, black, hispanic, you name it, even immigrants are common). I went through high school without any close friends because I simply just bounced around between groups and lunch tables. In fact, during lunch I distinctly remember never spending an entire lunch period with any one group. It wasn’t until college that I learned to ignore that feeling of seclusion. Even now, however, I still get that feeling of inadequacy sometimes.
I know it’s not a black-and-white mix, but the experience seems to be the same.
Those stages are true in my perspective. I was very insecure when people began asking me “what am i”? My feelings would get hurt because they saw me a different. I am a fair pale skinned biracial, and many people didnt accept me because i was different. Their excuse was that they thought i would be “stuck-up”, which is ignorant. I didnt start feeling like I belonged in society, until I learned how to accept myself.