Friday night at one in the morning. Just had an argument with my wife. A good thing she has to go to work tomorrow or it would have gone till six.
So now I know: we are not lovers or even friends. Certainly not equals of any sort. I just work for her. She wants everything done her way.
All she cares about is if I do what she wants. And if I do not do it fast enough, as fast as she wants, well then I am just an asshole who only cares about himself, attempting to take advantage of her.
Let us see. Here are the rules:
- I am not allowed get angry at her. Unless I am in the right and she is in the wrong, something she will never admit to. Ever. She says the next time I get angry without cause, she will blind me in one eye.
- I am not allowed to roll my eyes at her. That shows disrespect.
- Talking to her is completely one-sided. It is not a search for truth. It is about her threatening me bodily harm till she has me saying she is right.
If I did not already have children with her, I would be gone. In a second. Well, ten minutes. I really really regret marrying her.
She did not want to get our marriage right with the Church. Maybe it is just as well.
Yet I know that when a marriage breaks up it tears the children apart inside. Makes it hard for them to make lasting marriages of their own.
So somehow I have to stand my ground and make it right. Make the marriage right within and right with the Church. I do not see how it is going to happen. Back to prayer and fasting.
We need marriage counselling. She will say we do not have money for that. Yet we do have money to go to the other side of the world, we do have money so she can go to the Mediterranean with her friends. But we do not have money to mend a broken marriage.
It is so hard to talk to her. She does not want to hear the truth.
I was attempting to keep a schedule, and I will still go on with it as much as I can. I know I get a lot more done that way. But to her my getting to bed on time is just about me being an asshole, not doing what she wants, taking advantage of her.
She wants to have it both ways: she wants to manage my time yet point the finger at me when things do not get done.
But, you know, I doubt it has anything to do with that. It was just something she could argue about. I think it is her way of saying she needs it bad. And until she gets it, she will find one thing or other to argue about.
That must be it: this morning she was the complete opposite.
Sat Jan 20 07:21:10 UTC 2007